WHY WE DON'T WANT KIDS.

A chat about whether to have children or not. And how to cope if you do/don't want them and you're getting pressure either way!

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[lavienestpasunlongfleuvetr]

'Being a parent is a job you should do out of love, not out of fear or pressure.' So true.

[fa_abdi]

The more we talk about it and the more people will accept that children is a choice and not choosing them is not evil or anything like that. It’s a choice. People are allowed to choose!!!!

[Justme-xh]

As a 50 yrs old woman and a mom of 3 kids I will never understand why some people want to push kids on others. Even if I love my kids more than myself, I 100% respect and understand why some don’t want kids. It’s a totally different life and it’s wonderful. We should always make our own choices!

[maggiesmama]

We’ve been married 37 years and have never regretted our decision to not have children. We have loved being a generous Aunt & Uncle. We love our dogs & other people’s kids, but we’ve never missed having kids. Ever. Kids deserve to be wanted & loved.🩷

[thesquidling]

Aside from severe endometriosis, my reason not to have kids is simple. I spent a huge chunk of my life caring for my terminally ill mom and aunt while my brother lived his life and got married. I'm 40, and I'm just now living for myself. I love my family, and I miss them, but I will NEVER risk doing that to a child. Ever.

[maggiesmama]

Having kids doesn’t guarantee they want to spend holidays…or any time at all with you. Now that I’m older I see the pain that scenario causes many of my friends.

[Debbiesdilemmas]

Sophie this is definitely not a boring topic and as women it is often directed towards us more. My husband and I started dating at 19 & 20 and from early on we both always knew we wanted children. Everyone who knew us knew this was a dream of ours. I had four major abdominal surgeries after we met for my Crohn’s disease and because of them ended up with scar tissue that affected my entire reproductive system. We got married and from the beginning we were often asked when we would have children. This was a very painful topic for us as we were having problems trying to conceive. We did the whole IVF thing for years without any success. There were years that passed that were so painful and the last thing we need to keep hearing was when were we going to have children. It is none of anyone’s business to ask such a private question. I realized at that point that I would never be so invasive. Whether you want children or not whose business is We should never have to explain our reasons. For us it was a happy ending as we ended up adopting our son and at that time all the pain went away.

[dawn_heels]

I’m 40 years old. People used to say to me all the time to ‘hurry up and have kids’…. I had fibroids which had rendered me infertile (I did want children). Comments used to leave me in tears because people had no idea what was going on behind closed doors. I was blessed to have my child this year after a massive operation but as I always say…. People need to MIND THIEIR OWN WOMB! Stop asking these questions! Great video Sophie. All the best.

[watada]

Sophie, as a fellow childfree woman, I’ve always appreciated your openness about being such, and anyone who watches your videos and doesn’t think you’re perfectly content in your life, generally, is deluding themselves, lol. But I’m especially thankful that women like you are on the internet, to let other women know they have a choice in this. Having children should be an enthusiastic yes, otherwise women shouldn’t have them. And let’s normalize not asking people about this.

[victoriamather]

As a 33YO DINK, I think you put it so well. I love the quote ‘Some people never considered that having kids was an option and not a requirement’ and also ‘If it’s not a hard yes, it’s a no’.

[barbararios]

I remember I was asked by my boss if I had any children. I went onto explain and she immediately stopped me and said, You don’t have to explain.” I thought about and she was right I didn’t have to explain. I am 51 years old/ and happy w out children

[stephanie_stewart]

I'm 73 and never really wanted children. I love my friends children and my fake grandchildren. My 2 brothers also never wanted children. Once my mother asked me why we felt that way and did we have such an awful life?! I was astonished and told her no, we had had absolutely glorious lives and maybe we were the selfish ones? After that conversation my mom never gave it another thought. We lived all over the world and that was thanks to our parents. After my brother's first wife died, he married a wonderful woman with grown sons, now married and shockingly they don't really feel the need for children. If it happens good for you, but happiness is not dependent on it!

[mpoureliakwntant]

I m in the position of taking care my mom with dementia at home right after my dad passed out after long illness (and taking care of him from my 27 to 44 years old) before the pandemic. I was hoping to create a new life for me and my hopes were shattered. What I can honestly say is that no parent should burden children for so long and that mentallity/ tradition should somehow end.

[kapkone]

As a single parent, you can't underestimate the impact a child makes in your life. It becomes the focus whether you like it or not. What you want comes 2nd every time, in terms of your money, your job, your time, other relationships, friendships. Everything can be up for change. It can be very rewarding but there is that other side of the coin that very few people talk about.

If you want a child, it's something you'll know. The derire will be there. I wouldn't let fear or any other person dictate your decision. It's you who will be doing it, you who will have sleepless nights, you who carries all the responsibility.

[sja]

I have been with my husband for 22 years. I am 44 and he is 46. We almost succumbed to the societal and family pressure to have a child despite agreeing that it wasn’t our intended path. We are each other’s priority and joy and we haven’t regretted things for a second. We find meaning in lots of areas. Being childfree needs to stop being stigmatized. Thank you for this conversation. People need to mind their business when it comes to such a deeply personal decision.

[anned]

Thank you for this video. My two daughters suffer through this all the time. People need to understand that this is a deeply personal decision and none of their business!

[jailbird]

I made the same decision early in life as well. I’m now in my mid 60’s and do not regret my decision in the least. Asking someone “so, when are you going to have kids” I find extremely rude. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me that in my younger days I’d be a multi-millionaire! Today, I have a wonderful and loving husband and a beautiful home and really ‘want’ for nothing.

[morganlafae]

I'm turning 65 in January and have very little interaction with my 40 year old son. Just because you have children, raise them, and give them the best you can does NOT mean they chose to be a part of your life.
Having children is a gamble because you can't decide who they'll be as adults. You have to let them go after awhile.

[Jamieee]

I can fully relate to this topic as a 38 yr old married man, I have been married to my wife for 8 years now, we’re like the male/female version of each other and are so happy and content, for years and years we’ve had the topic brought up at family gatherings, by my sister in law in particular who is a mum, I don’t think there has really been a time that we haven’t all been together and she’s never said “so when are you two having one”.
Yes we probably would’ve made great parents, we’re both so very loving, hardly ever drink, don’t smoke, never touched drugs, never argue. But we just feel that they’re not for us, my wife has struggled to find full time employment in retail since the recession pretty much, and the amount of times the employers have asked if she wanted children in the interviews is disgusting!
Kids/no kids, the choice is down to the individual. People need to stop being sheep, and almost forced by society/traditions.
There is no right or wrong! 👍🏻

[carolineholzwarth]

The choice to have or not have children is a personal thing. They are not just for 18 years, but for ever. Your choice is not for anyone to force another individual to have them. No explanation is necessary.