Reactive Attachment Disorder in Adults

[selahr.]

I wish there was more attention to RAD in adults. Sadly these folks end up with a Personality Disorder label most of the time which feels like blaming the person instead of blaming the lifelong damage from early and severe childhood trauma/neglect.

[BranReacts]

Its extremely hard to live with. Especially when you also have anxiety and depression. Sometimes i wish my childhood was like everyone else's so that I can feel someone normal

[disvillage]

Adopted, taken out of the biological home at 14 months from severe abuse. Kept in a closet with very little contact with caregiver. Now late 50’s but have never had normal relationships. RAD yes.

[SynfulDoll]

I was diagnosed with RAD. A therapist diagnosed me with it when I was in my early 30s. It’s such a struggle! And it explains a lot!

[ernestliving]

Rad syndrome will make you question everyone. You may have a hard time believing in yourself since you doubt others. I no longer feel hurt or pain because I can tell myself nothing matters. I learned to stop caring. I also tend to be selfish… When you experience pain and rejection early on. It’s a barrier that protects you from getting hurt, while hurting others💔it’s something I’m working on. You never fully believe or trust peoples interactions or intentions. Nothing feels genuine or real. I cannot receive affection or give affection. As a child this was something I would push away from. I cant stand being touched. I hate the simple words such as “I love you” I also hate talking to people, it feels like a waste of time. Every interaction or sweet word that comes out of someone’s mouth seems so fake.

I see comments on these videos of people saying kids with rad have “demons” inside of them but refuse to acknowledge the abuse and trauma we experienced. Anger and rage was my cry for help. I tried everything as a little girl to get attention. My birth mother chose to stay with my father who SA’d us… she chose drugs over us. She chose to beat us and show us pain as an infant. I grew up with violence being normalized.

Every foster parent I had was a bad experiment. Most of them were only in it for the money and would even tell it to me to my face. I also had selective mutism and I couldn’t talk or speak at certain moments. I couldn’t report the abuse or speak up. I was a little girl 💔 one of the family’s I was placed in took us to Disney with the money they received and purposely left me out. They stole my toys I received from the institution I was at. So I was Being abandoned and bounced around. This gave me trust issues.

Then when I got adopted. My mother moved away from my birth family’s state. I felt distrust again. I had no one to contact. I was isolated and as I got older I discovered she used me and my sister for subsidy check. I was abused the mostly by her. I learned early that no one cares about you. From one horror house to another…

[ashleymclaughlin]

I was adopted and I remember as a child being diagnosed with "reactive attachment disorder" but I never really looked into it until right now. I'm 26. Thank you for posting this. Theirs really not much information that's not hard to understand. But I feel this. I really appreciate this video 💜

[GrowingpumpkinsandgivingzeroFs]

Interesting about the autism symptom similarities…. My mom tried to get me diagnosed she says. I’ve learned things like empathy, went to college, have a career, but yeah I can’t maintain relationships or attract healthy people. My therapist quit on me recently, said I “don’t want to get better”. I am getting comfortable with just being alone, I made progress but internally I still can’t relax around even my own siblings.

[asasial]

I’m 44. Severely neglected by a stepmother from 18 months to 8. My mother wasn’t much better, father was the typical Boomer macho male who showed no emotion or love to his children.
My life has been a living hell, especially before I met my wife.
I am literally incapable of taking care of myself.
I haven’t been formally diagnosed, but my therapist is confident that is one of my larger problems.
EXTREME anxiety especially with any conflicts are involved, few friends, do not understand people, people don’t know how to take me, near incapable of taking up for myself unless I am highly upset, then I come off way more hostile than I intend to, don’t trust people even tho I tend to latch on far to easily.
It’s nice to finally have a clue as to what is going on.

[TheMychannel]

I can tell you in great detail what it’s like to have this as an adult.

[jenniferalpiner]

I had it as adult if you have questions. I'm 58 now. It's been a huge journey. It's also not discussed about severe learning disabilities with RAD

[a-livinghope.]

Living with RAD is debilitating. I was adopted from Russia as a toddler and had a very hard time growing up in the family I was put in with. I ended up suffering from more neglect and ritual abuse due to their rage because they were unable to understand what I had been suffering from and the doctors / psychiatrists and people who were studying me were not educated on this kind of diagnosis.
I just remember as a child and now from reading medical and case records they said, I wasn't able to show love and bond with the adopters and I was completely in my own little world, i had strange behaviours and was quiet and behavioirs of self harm. My adopted parents were told one thing by the caretakers in the orphanage  and then they received a 'broken child' and it caused them lots of anger and resentment towards me because i wasnt what they wanted or imagined. I had to suffer from that which caused more trauma.
Living with RAD has always felt that something was taken from within me,   even now with all the self healing and things I try to do to help myself. I feel detached from the outside world but I am able to feel heavily within myself. A lot of the trauma I went through was to try and keep me disassociated so I could be controlled. It's very strange. What I needed as a child was to feel safe, but I was grieving and in pain, I was scared and lost.
I had gone through a lot of studies and tests. They labelled me as mentally delayed with severe learning disability and that i have RAD. A lot of the surveillance I was under by the people who were studying me had some similarities to the controversial testing that has been done on twins, which is interesting. Ive always been described as 'complex' . I know that the professionals were lost and they think medications will just 'fix' everything. And you're right it is difficult to find actual reputable case studies online .... To this day looking back, I was painted as someone who I'm not. They say that people with RAD are unable to love or that they are narcissistic liars or that the rage is insinuated as 'demon possesed' and that the self harm is for attention seeking, that is a huge stigma and sickening. There are MANY testimonials online that will say that about those with RAD. It breaks my heart.  I know that deep in my heart thats not true, we arent 'bad'. I think a lot of the trauma is based on knowing whats real and not real and experiencing severe disassociation. I have lived in fear for most of my life but I am starting to see the truth and the reality I was living in.  When I was 15, I was placed into the American childcare system which absolutely devastating me. I think most people who adopt children don't realize that these children need compassion and patience and love. We were never nurtured and even to this day I long and yearn for that.  I long to feel safe.

I am 25 now, and it's been hard but I've been trying to seek the meaning behind myself and why I am the way I am. I had been cast out and labelled as crazy, and even today, i am alone but it took me being heavily medicated and completely hitting the bottom where i was desperate for help and I gave my heart to Jesus. All my life, I felt like I don't belong in this world but God has me here for a reason. In scriptures it says that those who are neglected or do not have a mother or father, they are not alone in this world because we still have the Father, our Creator. He knows my mind and heart and my faith is in Him. Although I suffer from rad and depression and complex ptsd, I have a purpose and part of that is to seek healing. The world will not understand nor accept me and this is where I am now in life. The world will say I suffer from paranoia or other mental instabilities, multiple personality disorder, etc
but i choose not to listen to the labels because healing is possible.
I had been programmed to have masks and to hide in fear and I was walking on eggshells, the world isn't that much different ... you have to experience the hardships and if you really want to heal, you will do everything in your mental ability to... you are not completely lost even if you feel it. Understand this is part of your testimony.

From the few people I've met so far, who also struggle with RAD, they are like angels in disguise. Those with RAD who want to heal will have an angelic aura to them, I was able to connect with them better. They understood me more than an average person. They understand things on a deeper level than most and although they can be closed off, they need space, suffering, and can come off as cold ... they are able to have and show empathy, compassion and understanding. I am the same way.  I think we live and will always keep that child within us but with proper healing, we can really flourish and grow to understand our triggers. I am extremely protective of myself .... I have and know I always be. We have to protect our spirit without completely shutting out the world and shutting down our hearts. We must learn what love is and learn how to love.

Just recently, What I have learned is that those with RAD are suffering from actual brain injury because due to our trauma, our vagus nerve is damaged which means we are desensitized. I have watched a couple of very insightful videos of testimonials of adopted children and actually being taken in nurturing, loving and carefully minded and patience people ... they focused on healing the child's senses and somatic and vagus nerve. Its about rewiring the brain and healing the nervous system.... Rad is not a chemical imbalance, it is an injury. I hope RAD will be studies more intently and will more compassion because i wish there was more help. I am trying to seek to understand and by the grace of God, I know I will ... I am praying for those who are also suffering.

[Morgan_]

My family took in a foster child like this. My cousin is a therapist, and she lived with my cousin. She lived with me in her last year of college, left the state for a year and is back in my home. I am now seeing all of this. Yesterday my cousin told me she was diagnosed with RAD years ago. I am now worried. she can't keep friends/relationships, drink A LOT, antisocial, bouts of worry, doubt, depression and anger. When we show her love, we get pushed away. When we leave her alone that upsets her. She admitted that she worries I will fall in love one day, and that means no time for her. I don't know what to do. I thought we were gonna come to blows 2 days ago. She needs to get herself a therapist. She knows she's not right.

[heatherhollobaugh]

I just found out yesterday that I was diagnosed with it when I was 9 and it was confirmed when I was 12. I always knew something was wrong with me but never knew what it was. I am glad that I found your video. I am 23. I was in foster care for 10 years.

[katepalmer]

I have this along with bpd. I was abused neglected as a baby and growing up passed around like a football foster homes group homes hospitals in and out of family homes. This so fits me. My parents still rejected me till this day no relationship with them. I'm a follower of Jesus Christ this sickness hinders my relationship with Him and others my husband too. I'm Blessed to finally have a loving stable marriage. He is very supportive loving gentle kind understanding patient all the above because he has Jesus Christ in his life. I cant keep getting closer to Jesus God and my husband and others. I want to be whole and be healed and help others as well.

[JohannaPalmer-uyfz]

I am a 51 yr old female with this along with ocd borderline personality disorder ptsd with my nervous system jacked my walk with Jesus is affected along with other people

[Bikutta]

i have this and im an adult im socially awkward so much im scared to meet new people.... emotions confuse me .... and i avoid people so much that my immune system is im scared of when i am around people i dont act myself out of fear of not being liked i overthink what people think about me

[bendavis]

I am 21 years of age and I have found out by my own personal research that I have RAD, when I was younger both my parents was working and I would stay with my cousins family and move from house to house , with not much food to eat, I didn’t realise until now how much it affected me as an adult. I realise I struggle to stay focused and I am easily angered and also I have a lack of self esteem and have extreme anxiety, I feel so out of place with society, I feel like I inherited this from my mother as her mum died from childbirth but she was unaware of this condition and she has lived a normal working life as a nurse however now that I have this I realise I push everyone away I just feel empty but I’m starting to regain my relationship with my father and mother which helps me but I feel like I’m a physcopath and people around me must’ve been thinking the same for so many years it’s just awful to know

[karishmaobrien]

I have R.A.D. and I'm an adult thank you for this video.

[tomdavies]

i was given up at birth and raised by two people who would not be allowed to adopt a dog these days, i will see them in hell i guess, was adopted in the mid 60s and life has been a struggle. these kids need help asap., i am in my mid 50s and its to late but not for the kids being adopted now or recently. i doubt parents are even aware of this so they could seek help for the child before it hits the fan. where i grew up in wv there was no help beyond Xanax. the help was not there. most doctors had no experience in this or had not even heard of this. it has left me with little emotions besides a quick temper and a distrust of almost everyone. i still hate those two people who adopted me just as much as i did when they were alive and the same goes for most of their family.. dont be me, get help if you can before it is to late.

[kahlodiego]

I believe I have this and my biological father (whom I never lived with did too.).
You can't stay attached to any one. People just think you don't care. I dissociate and started having imaginary friends at 14.