What is Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)?

I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.

[sal]

I had RAD. But in the 60s wasn't talked about. My mother drank with me. I also had FAS. Both my parents were alcoholics. I found a adult when I was 7 that I could trust. She taught me not to have those tantrums and not to hurt others. She had to teach me to have a conscience and to love others. I outgrew it in my teens. I was very lucky I didn't hurt anyone.

[rawsammi]

I was abused in day care, and I had some of these symptoms as a child. I was selectively mute (only at school, had immense difficulty making words escape my mouth when I was called upon) and scared of my teachers... I was even scared to ask to use the restroom which resulted in a very embarrassing occurrence when I was in kindergarten :/ I was also painfully shy and withdrawn from other kids, and was very serious and inhibited. I can think of one photo that my parents have where I have a very stern facial expression and was virtually unable to pull a smile for the photographer. I had never heard of this disorder, so thanks for making this enlightening video.

[TheConqueror]

Imagine being a kid trying to go to a parent when they know their parent will never give them what they need.

[narwhalthesnowman]

I'm a teen that's not diagnosed with RAD but looking at all of the symptoms explains so much about me..

[taxiuniversum]

I am somewhere on that spectrum. Last year, I wondered if I suffer from autism. But that was ruled out by an autism expert. So I kept searching. Months ago, I stumbled across the book „Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents“ (Lindsay C. Gibson). It was like someone described my life in almost every sentence of the book.

Life with my parents was an unspeakable horror. What was very confusing to me for a long time was the seemingly contradictory fact that physically, my parents took good care of me. But it felt as if they treated me like an object. I never dared as a small child to seek comfort from my parents. They NEVER struck me as someone I could trust. And, indeed, they were mean, cruel, physically, mentally and emotionally abusive towards me. My father even sexually harassed me. There were no keys allowed in the family bathroom, and my father repeatedly ignored my wish to privacy, to my own room, to my own space.

When I was 12, I was about to „explode“ - there was such an insane buildup of sheer rage in me over all the SHIT my parents were subjecting me to on a daily basis. I was only 12, but I knew, would I have unleashed what was inside me, neither of my parents could have physically stopped me. I decided not to, however out of fear of being singled out in society as someone, who has issues...after all, my horror-parents were well-respected in society, and they had made sure to tell just about everyone bad things about me, almost all of which were not true for years.

AND I did not trust „the outside world“ to help me, either - after all, why had virtually no one seen how I was suffering all this time? Why had no one come to my rescue?

As of now, I am living with almost no friends, have not been in any intimate relationship throughout decades, and am basically uncovering in a painstakingly slow process who I really am, because to a large degree, I don’t know. In meditations, for instance, I can recognize how I have this shell of anger and „frozen“ emotions, that exist just under the surface of my everyday life „facade“.

Looking up this topic on Wikipedia, it becomes obvious rather quickly how the state of research on this condition still is pretty much a joke. So I guess, I‘ll have to keep pioneering much of my way out of this largely on my own, putting together puzzle pieces with for instance the information in this video, and other sources.

It sometimes hurts to see other people happy, joyful, seemingly unburdened. It then looks as if it is from a world I may never be a part of.

[amyhodapp]

can you make a video about what this looks like once they become adults?

[milshy]

I work in a preschool for kids with trauma history from abuse/neglect/foster care and a few of them have been diagnosed with RAD. It is interesting to contrast the symptoms of RAD with the disinhibited social engagement disorder because a lot of our kids are overly friendly with strangers. I think the most important thing to remember is that these kids are more than just their labels. It's incredible to see what a stable home, involved parenting and therapy can do for these little guys. Seeing them learn to develop trusting relationships, play and have fun is incredible to watch.

[lilyreecey]

Katie, I have been diagnosed by two different therapists with RAD, and I was in therapy for 3 years, only this year have I stopped going. Thank you so much for this video, you have no idea how helpful this was for me, I've shown this to people when they've asked me what it is that I have, and I haven't been able to tell them in person. It makes the whole thing so much easier. Also, to people who are suffering with RAD, I know how it feels, you are not alone, I would recommend CBT, and it will be uncomfortable, you will have to get close and open up, but the earlier you start, the better. People with RAD, I don't know how it will effect me in 10 years time, but right now I am still here and struggle everyday with it, but I'm still here, and I am strong, and I have taught myself self love. You can do this, it's hard, you will feel isolated and want to run away before you'll feel like they'll leave you, but if they're worth it they won't. You're going to be OK.

[georgia]

Can you make a video about what happens when a child grows up with this disorder without getting any treatment? This definitely sounds like me as a child. I used to literally run away from people and hide when I fell over and got hurt. Now I have social anxiety and depression.

[gomezyk]

I was almost a year old when I was adopted from an orphanage. My adopted mother used to laugh about how I rarely laughed or smiled, and that I could stare down adults at 1 year old. She was proud because she could take me places and put me in a corner with a few toys and I would sit there and play by myself and not "run around like all the other little heathens". I grew up as an only child and spent almost all my time alone, even at school. I seem to fit many of the diagnosis for RAD and have also been diagnosed as being a Schizoid Personality.

[sadiegirl]

I had a student that had this. It was so sad. She had been in numerous foster homes and was finally adopted into a home at the age of 12, but was then un-adopted after 2 years because of RAD and the affect it was having on the other children in the home. I just felt so bad for her.

[gbecks]

I found out as an adult I had reactive attachment disorder p. My bio mom was put in prison for sexual abusing a child. My dad was in another state, and he was just as bad. I also was in and out of foster care. I love your channel Katie! Thanks so much for all you do

[blushbb.]

I’m an young adult, and for so long I have wondered what was wrong with me and after lots of research and psychiatrists… attachment disorder has been an eye opener. Based on my childhood I knew that I would be suffering a life-long problem with my mental health. Here’s a back story. Growing up I constantly swapped care givers, I never trusted my mother or came to her when I was being a target of abuse she caught it multiple times but the situation would only get worse.. so I kept it a secret and endured it up until it stopped when I was 12. In the house she had a new boyfriend. They would fight all the time and break things, she’d be so consumed in that relationship or work. When I would cry she would feel like she needs rest rather than to comfort me and the one person I actually talked to/ stayed with sometimes, I didn’t see often.

You could say I was neglected. I wasn’t taught proper hygiene, I always had to do my own hair and it would make me cry because it’d be so difficult. I didn’t finish high school. I wasn’t taught to drive, I had to figure things out on my own and if I didn’t, it would be on me. I’m still figuring things out but there are still things to learn.

In relationships Im always an open book with pages torn out because in case it doesn’t work out, I could just tell myself they never really knew me. I had troubles with trust, jealousy, possessiveness, clinginess, in my partners. Even though I’m very obsessive and completely infatuated I could turn it off like a switch if I needed to. I aim for older, moral, emotional men because in relationships I need stability and big emotions to understand how someone actually feels, If I don’t see these big emotions I assume something else. this is a toxic combination because with my trust issues it only leads to arguments and fights.

As of now I don’t want a relationship because Ive realized that I cannot give the other person the proper love or normality they need. I have to heal more before doing that. I also have no friends by choice, sure I can call someone and ask to hang out but I just don’t, I like being alone and to be honest I love myself a lot. I use social media to get that “validation/praise” and “level of interaction” I need but in real life I’m disinterested.

If anyone can relate just know you’re not alone even if you think you are lol..

[jlking]

Was diagnosed at 3 years old. I am 22 years old currently and it has ruined my relationship by not taking this diagnosis seriously, thinking that I could handle everything on my own based on being neglected as a child and heavily abused in my time in Foster Care. It made me stone cold on the inside from that adolescent age. I want the love of my life back and I gotta get this right somehow

[jenjacobs]

I loved this video! I am 15 years old and I have RAD! I was abused for the first couple of years of my life! It is hard! I have to deal with it a lot. There are good days and bad days. But this video was some good insight.

[williehill]

Im 19 and i dont deal with people. I dont like to talk to anyone. I stay away from situations where I have to talk to people.

[cora]

I've never heard of this disorder before, thank you for the video! love you Kati!!! and I'll always look up to you as a role model because of the difference you're making in our world! You are amazing!! ♡♡♡

[milonmitra]

I was never abused in my childhood. My parents took great care to give good parenting. My mother always wanted me to be extra strong to face the world when she would be no more. She made me eat all sorts of foods, made me fight with anyone who would dare to bully me even if they were stronger, made me use my own decision even if they were wrong, and made me learn as many languages as possible as each language had its own essence, made me respect all religion and learn from them. But I have all the symptoms you mentioned of Reactive attachment - I never express any pain, I never seek comfort from others and that makes me happy and secure.

[jamesgeorge]

I like the fact that you shouted out people who have supported your channel, very gracious of you.

[Katimorton]

Let's start the conversation! Have you been through something like this or know someone who has? What helped you overcome it? xox