Forgiving Yourself For Past Mistakes: A 5-Step Process - Terri Cole

Do you find yourself ruminating on past decisions, actions, or conversations?

How much time do you spend regretting these past experiences?

If the answer is, "More time than I would like," then today’s episode is for you.

I am covering why we hold onto regrets, the high cost of regret, and why we should let regrets go. Most importantly, you will learn how to let go of your regrets with a five-step reflection exercise.

TIME STAMPS:
0:00 - Introduction from Terri
1:58 - Why do we have regrets?
4:43 - The cost of ruminating on regrets
6:06 - Having self-compassion for yourself
8:11 - What can we learn from our mistakes?
10:00 - Five-step journaling process to let go of regrets
14:37 - Productively reframing our regrets

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ABOUT TERRI COLE
Terri Cole is a licensed psychotherapist, global relationship and empowerment expert, and the author of Boundary Boss-The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen and (Finally) Live Free.

For over two decades, Terri has worked with a diverse group of clients that includes everyone from stay-at-home moms to celebrities and Fortune 500 CEOs.

CONNECT ON SOCIAL

RESOURCES:

I’m not currently taking any new one-on-one therapy or coaching clients, but highly recommend using BetterHelp to find a therapist that fits your needs. As a team, we have fully vetted BetterHelp's resources. If you choose to sign up for Better Help's service, I will receive a commission on the referral but please know that I only recommend services that I know & trust.

#terricoleshow #noregrets #emotionalwellbeing

[alessaxn]

For those struggling with rumination + obsession about the past, i found eating healthily, avoiding food that causes inflammation, good night sleep, less technology and checking my phone helps!

[ToastyGhost]

I am only 18 but i already have thoughts about my past and how horrible it was. I was basically raised by the internet and got addicted to adult content at age 8. Ive seen a lot of stuff online in that time and thinking of it makes me feel gross or depressed as i feel I missed out on childhood. This video helps me though, i hope anyone reading this has a good day. thank you ❤

[canicebarbone]

I've been a horrible bully to myself. I've learned that no one and nothing can hurt me more than I can hurt myself.

[khadijahnyabinghi]

I do this repeatedly and really want to stop with this obsession. The constant ruminating and regrets.

[Mysterix]

26 year old here, and I was an abuser in my last relationship. Didn’t realize it at the time of course, but she was the perfect person. Only realized it when she left me. This guilt haunts me, and I tried to chase forgiveness from her. But I realized I only need to forgive myself. The only way to truly do that, is stop being that person who did those things. Evolve into a better human, and you will have forgiven yourself.

[johnbyerlein]

I am a 68 year old man with autism - diagnosed at 60. Outstanding video with specific strategies and hope, in most of my life I have often and always been lectured on what to do with no strategies to change for the better. Grew up with perfectionism - mistakes discouraged. My biggest regrets - going through life with no awareness of my ASD and receiving very little effective help from therapists, coaches and others on how to make my life work. Often blamed and shamed for my failures in life. I would need a 3 hour rant in your office to unload the crap and start healing.

[thegreatduca]

There are so many things that I did in the past that I hadn’t understood were wrong or inappropriate because I was a child and didn’t fully grasp how someone could’ve gotten hurt or uncomfortable because of my childhood curiosity, or I did understand that they were wrong and don’t fully grasp how they could end up coming back to haunt me with regret in my later years due to believing that I was much more mature than I truly was. I’ve begun to do a lot of reflecting and have begun to see why the things I had done in the past were inappropriate or wrong and it’s sent me into a stage of self hate, regret and anxiety. I’ve been taking meaningful steps for years now to try and better myself and stand for the right thing, to make sure people don’t make the same mistakes that I did. I wanted to thank you for this video and helping me overcome my mistakes and my past, it has truly helped me in taking steps in moving forward in trying to become a better person

[Pan_de_Elote]

Thank you so much for this video. It's been really hard to forgive myself for something I did while I was still 16. I understand that we shouldn't simply let ourselves off the hook and commit the same bad behavior over and over again, but ruminating excessively won't help us solve the issue either. Hearing your perspective on the matter really helped me, I hope I can use your knowledge to grow as a person. ❤

[carolyntarrant]

This is so valuable to me as I struggle with guilt from parenting mistakes and it just tears me up inside.

[GunslingerPanda]

I am my own number one bully. My mother mentioned that I give so much patience and kindness to others and I deny it for myself. I need to take this advice. self compassion. kindness. TO MYSELF.

[vivianhudacek]

As I paused the video & reflected, several pictures of regrets came into my head, especially some that seem often to pop up, out of nowhere. I tried to delve into the sources of the behavior, especially since most had a common thread. I then had flashes of several varied painful experiences, things others did to me or that affected me. These were very, very deep hurts. Feeling “less than, ” for various reasons, kept popping up, & I also, realized that that is likely the source of my perfectionism, which is not a positive trait. A sentence sprang into my head as a result of these reflections, an explanation for my behaviors: “It was a way of protecting myself.” I feel such relief & peace & lightness, & I can’t thank you enough.

[DesipetsoIndia]

I'm 29 year old . My only regret is being overly kind to others but not to myself. Giving others chances to others but not to myself. I feel like wold is moving ahead amd I'm still at the same place.

[bethc]

i appreciate the idea of looking for what the trigger might be when an old regret surfaces. i have a few moments in my life that give me full body cringe, and i have always tried to shut down the memory to avoid the feelings. next time one comes up, i'll try investigating what else may be going on in my life to surface that regret/memory.

[adrianguizar]

Thank you for this video. I recently have been making a lot of positive changes in my life, and the sudden shift in energy has resurfaced the anxiety and depression that I had in the past. I spent all day thinking about what could have been, which has been preventing me from sleeping well. But your words have really comforted me. It's hard to make change, but I just need to be proud of myself for digging my way out of the hole.

[msevolution]

Thank you 😢 I’ll come back to this one as needed. I wish I’d had this 20 years ago holding on to teenage mistakes lost so much time

[David-flxw]

I’m 20. I’ve been a really shitty person to people who I’m supposed to love and do love, and even those who were past hookups and flings. Often my past comes back in some forms. Prank calls in which I’m hated on and told many things about myself that are negative, and some that are in the form of just running into someone I did wrong in my past. It’s making it difficult to leave it in the past. I’ve changed a lot but I’ve got a long way to go. I’ve messed up so much in my life. That prank call I got yesterday really bothered me, and it still is today. I can’t let it go. I want to know who that was that I once had hooked up with. I am worried about dirt they have on me and what not, because I am simply trying to move on from this past. It’s so difficult.

[artistmaureensharkey]

Terri, I had my doubts about getting over my past regrets, but thankfully, you said some things that are helping me make a break-through. Like - we're all human, we're all flawed, and we should treat ourselves with the same compassion as we would a loved one - with kindness and self-compassion. We did the best with whatever skills and awareness we had at the time. And there were reasons we did what we did. But if not having had modeling for problem solving or good communication, we can't expect to have done better. And we can learn upon looking back, so we can look forward to handling similar situations in a better way. Thank you so much. This really helped me.

[stevedavis]

This is the first video from Mrs Cole that I've ever sceen. And this video is a God send to me. When my mind flashes back to deep regret my inner voice usally follows by saying "I hate myself" It's horrible. Thank you so much Mrs Cole! I down loaded the guide and will begin working on this out tomorrow morning. I feel like I just stumbled across a life changer.

[Tonybaga_laughs]

Been berating myself on a daily basis for many years, but over one decision particularly that didn’t just impact me, so it’s not just shame, it’s guilt. It’s 100% poisonous to progression in life, I’ll watch this video more than once, thank you ❤

[ms.cruzcruz]

This video showed up in my stream and I needed to hear this so badly. I have so many regrets and it’s making me age faster and just feel horrible every single day.. I’m just taking my first steps to try and heal so thank you.