Can't Stop Thinking About Your Ex? Here's what to do!

--------Want to know if your EX will TAKE you back?-----

Number one: it’s easier to think about your ex than move on with your life.

Buddhist leader Tick Nah Tahn says “People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar.”

That’s a fancy way of saying that this fixation on the past relationship is a way to avoid having to worry about your own problems. While thinking about your ex is painful, it’s familiar. It’s not out of your comfort zone and since you’re broken up, thinking about them will never spur you on to any action besides what you’re already doing. In a weird way, it’s comforting, like poking a canker sore with your tongue. You may not feel good doing it but it’s not going to surprise you.

We prefer the devil we know. This is why we’d rather donate ten dollars to save the baby seals than take a seal hunter into our home and teach him to use powerpoint so he can compete in the modern job market.

Long story short, it’s easier to whine about your ex than it is to move on with your life.

Number two: You still see them

If your ex is still a part of your life, then no wonder you’re having trouble moving on.

Whether you’re seeing them on social media, hearing about them from mutual friends, or actually seeing them day-to-day, then it makes sense that they’re still on your mind.

You need to take steps to build some distance into your life. First, social media. There are ways you can avoid seeing them without straight up blocking their accounts. Twitter and facebook allow you to mute the person so you won’t stumble across them in your feed.

But if you find yourself constantly checking out their profiles you might need to take steps to avoid this. Block them, delete them as a friend. Go full scorched earth. Don’t worry about what they think. That’s the best thing about being broken up. You don’t have to their feelings your priority anymore. You need to do what’s right for you.

Number three: You’re keeping it bottled up

Talking about your ex non stop is obnoxious and will definitely have your friends running the other way when they see you on the street.

But if you haven’t been able to talk about your breakup at all then that might be why you can’t stop thinking about your ex.

You need to own it and talk about it to take its power away. This does not mean dwelling on every gory detail but if you find that you’re thinking about him or her all the time and never letting anyone else know, you should try to talk about what happened. You’ll be surprised how saying it out loud will make it feel like way less of a big deal.

If you have no one in your life you can turn to, you should consider talk therapy. It’s helpful to have someone who is willing to listen to anything you have to say without judgment. This is something that a therapist can offer. Sometimes getting it all out in the open will free your mind from continuously going to the same places.

The fourth reason you can’t stop thinking about your ex is if you’re focusing on the wrong things.

Let’s talk about how you’re thinking about your ex. You probably know the phrase “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.” This speaks to our tendency to remember only the good things about our past relationship. This can be a good thing. It allows us to maintain positive memories of an ex and move forward with our hearts free from pain. But more often than not, it hurts us.

Number five: this was your first relationship.

If your ex was the first person you’ve seriously dated, you might be worried that they were the only one for you. You can’t imagine ever meeting someone who will want you again. I have good news for you. If there’s one person in the world who wanted to be with you, then there are many people out there who will see the same things in you that they did.

My first piece of advice is this: take stock of your life

What I want you to do is make a list of what you love about your life. It may make you feel a little silly but I promise it helps. Whether it’s friends, family, your job, your hobbies. What are the things that add value to your life and make it worth living?

Don’t compare yourself to other people. Focus on the things that make you happy and explain why and how. I find that a lot of my clients don’t see this stuff because they’re too busy focusing on what isn’t working (their relationship) and not putting any thought to what’s going well.
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This short list is an opportunity. Think of the areas in your life that are lacking. Do you enjoy your job? What you’re taking in school? Have you lost touch with friends? Maybe you’ve stopped pursuing your hobbies. Don’t despair. The more you have to work on, the easier it will be to keep your mind off your ex.
I’ve been Jessica Boss, bossing you around. Bye!

[notafan]

Healing is weird. some days you're okay you're doing just fine, other days it's hurts like it's fresh. it's a process with no definative time frame. you just have to keep going and know when all is said and done, you're going to be okay😉😊

[tothemax]

We are not friends, we are not enemies. Just a couple of strangers with some memories.

[miaclaire]

i wish i could wake up with amnesia and forget him....cause he was my everything

[acheron]

You created a fantasy and fell in love with it they aren't the person you thought they were.

[PXNDX]

I feel like Jessica cares about me more than my ex 😭💔

[ozz]

It's fucking traumatising how two persons can go from strangers -> very close to each other and know each other a lot more than anyone else -> to strangers again

[damiancervantes]

It's almost like I wish I never met her but I know this pain is necessary to grow and become a better person

[dris]

This is what helped me:

I made a list of 10 items I disliked/hated about my ex when we were together (and even afterward). When I missed her, I pulled out this list and read it and imagined each item as if we were together again. Over time, it made me see that she wasn't the one for me, and in fact, I deserved better. On that list should be the fact that this person didn't think you were good enough for them and pushed you out of their life. That should be #1. Because of this, they don't deserve gifts, or to be told how amazing they are, or to be put on a pedestal, or to be told that you love them. You should NEVER reward bad behaviour. Remember that.

[V___M]

Block them, self care, no contact whatsoever... evaluate, self care, self care, self care

[SoFBored]

I broke up with me ex fiancé because she said I was insecure, needy and clingy. I never tried to control her but it’s hard to see her moving on so easily. I haven’t contacted her in more than 5 months, I was really depressed trying to understand her reasons. Then it all came to me, I’ve never been insecure but she did things that made me question her loyalty and motives, those actions made me insecure hence the way I acted... she’s in a new relationship and I’m still trying to move on but every day is a new opportunity to be a better man. I’ll learn from the lesson and become the man I want to be.

[BoOoDTV]

The most important thing I learned from this video "Don't worry about what they think, That is the best thing about being broken up, You don't have to make their feelings your priority anymore"

[redfied]

"If there was one person in the world that wanted to be with you, then there are many people out there who will see the same thing that they did in you." Thank you Jessica. This is what I needed to hear.

[Aflo]

It's easy. Just completely delete them from your life ( social media, texting, everything) once you stop hearing from them that's when the healing starts. The healing comes with pain though

[notafan]

Love is short but forgetting is too long😭💔

[briumi]

I’m not even sad about the break up, I broke up with him, but I just am angry that I trusted him in the first place. I just need him off my mind.

[nikkik]

He just blocked me and ghosted me like that. It's like I was nothing to him. I was discarded. He said i deserve better.

[wadecahill]

It's hard to stop thinking about someone you've been married to for 28 years with, 5 children together, one grand daughter, I have always loved her, keeping your mind off is easier said than done

[Chris-yjsr]

The art of letting go: don't let the good memories get spoiled by your breakup. Keep the love, let the hate go and move on with somebody else once you feel ready for it. It's much easier to establish a new relationship with love in your heart. When you're hateful and bitter, you won't attract the right persons. Forgive your ex, but realize that you can't depend on her/him to make you feel better. It's on you to make yourself feel better. Also to forgive somebody, doesn't mean that you have to keep in touch - I wouldn't contact them, unless you have moved on for real, or if you still feel like there is a chance to keep going.

[Artaxian_Debacle]

I wish I could just erase all my memories with my ex. She broke my heart and I found out she’s already talking to other guys literally 2 days after us breaking up! Don’t even recognize her anymore. I’m done!

[adrianbarco]

I haven't cried since we broke up but it feels like I need to just to get this sadness off my chest feels horrible, it's hard moving on !!!!