Why I Quit Trying to Convince People That I’m Right — And What I (Mostly) Do Instead

[christinebadostain]

I know it is my own fault (I shouldn't expect anything from anyone) but I have been shocked and even disappointed at how the vast majority of the population is much more concerned with comfort than with truth

[days]

It's hard for me to comprehend how someone could hate these types of talks, my ex hated your videos, anything that had to do with introspection and unraveling yourself or others would tick her. When you think like this it's so much easier to understand yourself and others. Thank you for sharing Daniel!

[SantaFeSuperChief]

Your videos were exactly what I needed in my life and I can say with no exaggeration, that the message you've sent in your videos has changed my life for the better. I am a fundamentally different and better person now than I was before I found this channel.
But it's been hard. It's been about 2 and a half years and I've been so eager to share this message with other people, and no one I've found has had anywhere near the same reaction as I did to this life-changing information.
I still share the information where I can in the offchance it does reach the right person, but it might be better to focus on my own healing instead of helping others who probably won't listen.

[ethanschneider]

Backfire effect.. Literally learned about it yesterday. People will lock deeper into their beliefs & go into deeper denial if you try to prove them wrong.

Identity protective cognition is when people try to protect their identity from external threats to identity. Which shuts down the rational brain & only selectively hears what affirms biases and prior knowledge.

Too much truth sends too much cognitive dissonance which is painful.

People fall into dissosation because of pain. Escapism is all about pain. It's an unconscious state of being. A different reality that is filtered. It's strange but it's how beliefs work.

I believe getting past the critical factor is not easy with people. It's like you have to identify with their beliefs from the inside to shift a perception. Giving a sense of respect & validation. The mind tends to shutdown and become closed minded when threatened. Creating confirmation & trust with the inner self-talk but shifting it slightly seems to create enough questioning that isn't as threatening to the identity or ego to lock into a fixed attitude/mindset.

Wish it wasn't so tricky but directly trying to reason with logic is going to lead to a closed mind. Being playful & respectful can lead to a more open mind. Still depends on the level of belief. I believe people have to hit rock bottom to get through self-deception, denial..

Who knows.. This is kinda the game of life. Waking up to truth ain't easy. Mind is amazing at Self-deception mechanisms.

[threethrushes]

Before even attempting to have a discussion with someone, one needs to establish the ground rules:

- ego<truth or truth<ego;
- agree definitions;
- seeking answers to prove their hypotheses right or wrong?

Most people cannot argue to save their life. The list of cognitive biases are too damn high!

[michelem]

Heavily grieving tonight. It was nice to see one of your videos pop up.

[SantaFeSuperChief]

"You cannot reason someone out of a position they did not reason themselves into"

[chrysiarose]

I do sometimes try to convince people they are wrong about something, or doing something wrong, because what is happening negatively affects others or situations. But Daniel is right - people just double down into protecting themselves and will attack you to destroy you. I need to learn to let it go and let it run its course.

[xxllbb]

* Daniels TALKS are turning out to be the best form of THERAPY I have ever found !
Leaves you with no more Questions !!!
* REAL Human SHARING his experiences & knowledge & honesty, GOOD WORK ! Must be rewarding now !

[jamesboswell]

Preaching to the converted is such a very underrated activity. Because there is often a profound need to have your own thoughts reflected back to you, especially when those thoughts have not fully formed, or are painful, or lead you to feel alienated and alone. That's why your work is so worthwhile, Daniel.

[efehansahin]

I have a feeling that society is going south.

And if I can NOT get out in time - I will be dragged in to the deepest parts of hell.

[chillingongreens]

I got you. What you've shown me so far feels pretty on point.

I got some thoughts. Everyone has their own journey. Just like you are having yours, so are they. If they are resisting your ideas or persuasion, they feel uncomfortable and will try to address it.

Except they don't know how to address it, so they attack you instead. They need to find equilibrium, stabilize. Children will cry and get mad, and it has a lot to do with not knowing how to handle it.

Emotions aren't bad, but they are powerful. They have helped us survive... Natural selection has given us a unique toolset, and we have learned how to cope or thrive in a given environment.

I have plenty of issues. But if I am trying to persuade someone, I have be ok with accepting that I am not doing it for them. I am doing it for myself.

And, if I end up hurting them or not feel validated, then my choice to engage has caused this result.

What am I trying to say? I think we are all trying to share or even create reality through socializing with others. Our brains are powerful in that sense. But, if we translate our thoughts into actions, it can look like we are just trampling through our neighbor's garden. Instead of being respectful.

But I say this... when I am usually the one that sets fire to people's gardens. I still haven't quite worked out why I feel so compelled to act that way.

I feel threatened by the world? Maybe. I don't know.

[bonny]

Hey Daniel, I love your channel and your spirit to help others. It's people like you, that give me the feeling that I'm not alone with my ideas and my mindset. I've learned a lot from your videos. There's noone in my life that taught me anything about self healing or childhood traumas. I never felt more understood than by watching your channel. I'm very thankful for all the transparency you provide and you're also a very authentic person.

Greetings from Austria.

[mayseekify]

Could it be that trying hard to convince other people that we're right
(which is different from simply laying out, just presenting our opinion, view, conviction, argument), comes from our childhood experiences of attempting so desperately (and yet, unsuccessfully) at making our parents believe that what we felt was true, valid, serious, important? Could it be seen as reenactment of such trauma?

[PaigeSquared]

Youre right. I had to get so sick of what my life circumstances were, while also seeing that i was the only person that could have gotten me to a different place. We think we can be neutral, take life as it comes, stay safe by not making the difficult decisions. If you dont make the decision, eventually it becomes too late to choose your consequences; they will be chosen for you. I definitely wish i learned that bit a little earlier. 😅

Learning about attachment styles and manipulative communication did give me the background to see what i had to see, to be willing to change. I really thought i felt bad because i was bad.

[trevorisle]

Thanks Daniel for sharing you thoughts 👍. It is always hard to put yourself out there. You have to really want to share. I think this channel is a great place to share when so many people are not interested in listening let alone learning.

[crazycoolauntie]

People lie and project and violate. It's not that you can't convince them. They do the same with me. If something bothers people they need me to use their reverse psychology.

[sarahcouture]

This is very relatable. I love the honesty about how when you get shot down by people who are unwilling or not open to hearing your perspective, it discourages you and makes you feel diminished and less confident/less enthusiasm & emotional energy to want to express yourself and influence the people who actually are open to your beliefs and would benefit from your way of thinking.

[MattWellandMiscMarvels]

The adage once was, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear. Now perhaps the adage should be, when the message is needed the video will appear in your feed. Anyhow this was just the right message for me. I was sitting here, despondent that folks were looking data contrary to their views right in the eye and ... sticking to their views. Let it go and focus instead on what I need to do next.

[Rose_Ou]

Thank you Daniel. Your videos are much needed ❤