Why Is My Ex So Mean To Me?

SUBSCRIBE to Coach Lee's channel! People often ask, "Why is my ex so mean to me?" in coaching sessions with Coach Lee.

In this video, he answers the question as to why an ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend can be so mean, cold, cruel, angry, and hurtful during and after a breakup that they initiate.

Often times, your ex is mean and resentful to you because they feel that you won't leave them alone and respect their decision. Sometimes an ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend feels that if he or she can hurt you enough that you will finally leave them alone and give him or her space.

Your ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend toughens up once they realize they definitely want to go through with the breakup. This toughening up is in an effort to defend their decision. This is why your begging, pleading, and constantly wanting to talk to them to try to get them back only gives them more resolve and determination.

In a sense, your ex's defenses against you grow stronger each time they have to argue about the breakup with you and defend their decision to go through with it. You basically train your ex to reject you repeatedly and they entrench themselves in the decision to breakup. That's why it is best to give your ex space and not fight the breakup. This gives you the best chance of your ex coming back to you and can keep them from being cold, mean, and cruel to you.

SUBSCRIBE To Coach Lee's Channel!

[coldinfusion]

I’m just really surprised how a person who once loved you so much can one day treat you like a piece of garbage and talk to you like you’re a worthless human being.

[Me]

Many times you find out what that person truly is _after_ the breakup.

[denoc]

It's sad that "sometime the person we would take a bullet for, is the one behind the trigger."

[allhailsunshine]

They haven’t moved on. Any signs of anger and hate is not a sign of moving on. People who moved on and healed don’t have hate or anger, since they have accepted and forgave why things happened .

[mardrettekemp]

I'm thankful for a God who will never leave.

[lisafuentes]

"Some people are just jerks."

[Sonjalynn]

I think the cruelty manifests from the dumper’s need to justify their own actions. In order to avoid feeling guilty, they will justify their decision to leave by painting a picture of the relationship and you are somehow now a fire breathing dragon in their eyes. They will typically have nothing positive to say about the relationship. This feels like cruelty to the dumpee but it actually has everything to do with your ex wanting to avoid feelings of guilt, It’s important to recognize they have chosen to protect themself at your expense. Its also worth mentioning that a persons instinctual reaction to such cruelty is to defend themself and point out the accusers faults and failures in return. Do NOT take the bait as it allows the dumper to feel less guilty when you are also full of negativity and pointing a finger back at them. Silence is golden Utilize it in all areas of your life. I also want to add that there no contract rule has worked every single time for me. However, be prepared because you might not even want your ex back anymore when they do come crawling back. That, however, is a much bigger victory than winning them back. Moral of the story? You simply can not lose with no contact. Stay strong!

[hennylo]

She's like a different person, I don't even know her anymore.

[coachevy]

I left him alone and he became more cruel, evil and inconsiderate. It's the strangest thing..it's like he's mad that I'm not chasing him. Once I'm completely healed I cannot and will not go back to a heartless person....once your feelings go away they feel your energy and come back around..but at that point they are dead to me. Dead I say. I don't deserve this mistreatment.

[mattaylor]

What annoys me is that avoidants need to feel distance and pain in order to feel closeness and love. What's worse is that they are drawn to the poor souls that want to love with their whole heart and mind then they destroy them entirely

[misstali]

I just have one thing to say because this happened to me. When they go low, you go high. That means have self respect and do not let them tell you twice to leave them alone. If they pull that number on you, considered that person as dead- you know the one you fell in love with. They are dead and it will NEVER be the same. If there is a point when you two meet up again, you will have to look at them as an entirely new person. Consider this-why would you want someone back who slit your throat and kicked you in the gut on the way down????

[dondelrio]

Your ex has already started a new relationship and want to go and live it out. It will fail, but nothing you can do or say to stop her. Only time will teach her a lesson.

[revenantwings]

Honestly if all this has to happen, I don't even want the person back .I'm not going to be with someone that is intentionally trying to hurt me. i can't trust them anymore.

[lauramci]

Until that one time when they say something so mean and really hit below the belt pushes you away and you're gone for good

[jchula]

Basically they're stuck on a 5 year old level with their emotional intelligence....

[antilaw]

They break it, you pull away. No contact. Give them what they wanted.

[arminxvs]

Why people can't just talk about it but have to play those stupid games? What is this emotional manipulation?

[RiyashiChanda]

Seriously?? How can someone make another person feel emotionally so low just in order to keep the person away from them?

[MsSherrybaby]

These videos help, but I still feel like I’m dying inside

[arklayt]

The best thing I have found, as I'm currently going through this, is to simply forgive them. Not for them, but for you and your peace of mind. Realize they are not the perfect person you thought they were. They are just imperfect humans like you, with flaws, and emotions. Forgive them.