5 Signs You're Being FAKE Due To Trauma

Are you afraid of being true to yourself, because of some past hurt or trauma? Putting on a mask is often a coping mechanism for trauma survivor. In this video, we want you to know that it is totally okay to put on a mask, but at the same time, recognizing how it might be affecting your relationships with others so that you too can go about changing. They do say the key to change is self awareness, and building up the habits to get there.

Writer: Morgan Swift
Editor: Rida Batool
Script Manager: Kelly Soong
Animator: Tenzin Daesel Wangmo
Youtube Manager: Cindy Cheong

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References

[Psychgo]

We set up a POLL on our community chat. Did you see it?

[gerinko]

“Just be yourself” My good sir, that is how we got here in the first place.

[rorschacoo]

0:52 You choose to blend in for Safety against how you would prefer to dress or act
1:47 Disconnected Memories and Feelings
3:02 Fawning over others
3:40 Passive Aggressive
4:26 Perfectionism: Choosing words or watching your behaviour too carefully, to the point of seeming stoic

[kcmisulis]

I know for me, instead of becoming introverted and wearing black, I did the opposite. I learned to perform for people and be extra fun and extra special. If a conversation fizzled, it was because it was my fault, and I needed to become better at conversation. I became great at social relationships, but it was exhausting every time, and I'd need to break up social time with days of being at home. Only when I really *had* to be authentic in my dating life did I realise that I was performing for people, and it is not what other people did. I remember the first date I had where I just relaxed and stopped performing and it was far easier and I vibed better with the person.

[citlaligonzalezgodinez]

im 22 and just recently i realized that from 15 ive been acting how i thought other people wanted me to act, first in my teenage years faking it so i would be accepted in "cool" groups, and then from 17 faking it so my parents would be proud of my as they had never been; my hole personality as an adult and the little life ive managed to create for myself is not me, its the version i convinced myself i should be for others; i have no idea who i am and what i want from life. im in law school, just a semester away from finishing the 5 year career, and i dont think i want to be a lawyer like my parents and most of my family; but i was scared to admit i wasnt who they wanted me to be, that im not the daughter they wanted, ive accepted that and even though it hurts, thats their decision, im not responsible for their feelings, just my own. I know this all goes back to my childhood, but its all black, i have very little memories from my childhood because my brain has blocked most of it, and the memories i do have arent pretty; maybe the right thing to do is unpack all that to heal but i dont think im strong enough to handle all that shit, so im just gonna try to move forward with what i have an try to discover who i am in the process

[ClaraCB]

Fawning and people pleasing have been my trauma responses.

Honestly, between PTSD, CPTSD and ADHD, I don't know who I am. Am I being nice because that's who I am and who I want to be or because I'm a people pleaser? Am I calm because I want to be or because I feel the need to mask my ADHD and not be "too much"?
I don't know how to be authentic if I don't know what it looks like for me... I always feel fake and maskng, and feel like that hinders my social life. It's tough.

[Everyday_Awes]

This is so real it's almost unreal. I've been on this rollercoster for over two years going from acknowledging my trauma to questioning if I've ever been traumatized in the first place. And I'm still struggling with despite "knowing" I've been traumatized from not having my emotional needs recognized and cared for, through physical abuse, to being in a co-toxic co-dependant abusive relationship. I KNOW I'm traumatized. But knowing isn't feeling. Appart from therapy I've started meditating on the first moment that I know was abusive somehow in in this meditation actively coming up to myself and giving myself the same compassion I have for others. Shit's whack. But I think it's starting to work, cause there's more and more memories surfacing wanting the same attention as that first one got.

[Nifflernugget]

Everyone tells me that my childhood wasn’t that bad, and I know it wasn’t that bad compared to other’s, as they had it much worse, but I felt ignored by my only parent, my mom, who was in college at the time, until I was 11. She graduated, and my dad came back around the time I was 8. My Grandmother was, I’m just going to say, not the most accepting, and what my mom calls “old school” I noticed a pattern, and I learned how to mask. But it feels so bad to mask, especially since, now i feel free, but That freeness from my Grandmother is overwhelming, because she verbally and emotionally abused me, but constantly told me to grow up and take it.

And now i’m here, and I want to find my true self, because at this point, I just want someone to tell me I’m doing great at life, and I’m doing the right thing. I want someone to guide me, because the shadow over my entire life is mostly gone now, but I don’t know who i am, and I’ve become a people pleaser.

Does anyone know how to help me? I’m seeing a therapist, but that’s specifically for my Adhd. I don’t know how to do Therapy.

[babgab]

I tried being myself in high school and was told that I was acting "inappropriate" and "like I was on drugs." So... nah. Gotta be careful. Nowadays people get really mad if you make them uncomfortable by being yourself.

[Lukeario]

I’ve discovered in the last few years that I’ve been fawning for so much of my life that I can no longer tell what “conflict with my true self” even is 👍

[AgentWarlock]

It's not easy. Especially when I've been told to be full of energy, always extroverted... and it turns out I'm not an extrovert lol.

[StormTheSquid]

Blending in, missing memories, fawning, passive aggression, and perfectionism... I have all of these.

Honestly, I'm not doing great lately. I mean, I am, I'm happy, I finally have meds for my ADHD, my depression is under control, my anxiety is a little better, and by all accounts most if not all of my needs are met, outside of one area. Acceptance, and being allowed to be myself. I don't have any idea how to be myself in a safe way. Not that being myself is inherently unsafe, but that other people make it unsafe by targeting people like me. People who aren't "normal". I'm trans, I have autism, and I just want to live my life, but where I live, I wouldn't be surprised if going out in a dress or skirt got me shot. I can't handle that. And I don't deal well with stress either, or with company, or anything unexpected. I can't drive, I can't get a job, I can't be independent, and my family actively prevents me from even being myself in my own home. I was never taught how to do basic things on my own and I can't figure it out and it's honestly just so terrifying.

If I didn't have my friends and my girlfriend and my adhd meds, I don't think I'd be doing as well as I am. I may be happy, but I'm also aware of the fact that I'm just a handful of mistakes away from being worse off than I was before. And I was *not* in a good place before.

[Ninamonet]

Growing up in a house that always judging you for what you like, style of clothes, favorite activities, how you wear you hair. I hated it, I'm still living here, but I'm still trying to get to know me and learning who I am.

[eraera]

Sometimes I think abt my trauma and I’m like “damn lol that’s crazy” bcs I can’t even believe that that was trauma. It has affected me in immense ways but i still can’t help but feel like that was all just some fake stuff. And literally everytime I think of my trauma I think “oh that’s TV worthy” or “that’s not TV worthy, so it’s definitely not trauma”

[Bohemianstory]

I'm being brutally honest for those who went through similar or almost close to my experience: I know i wasn't fake. I told people about how my mom treated me because my dad taught me to tell the truth no matter how bad it is. I always told people how i felt and how I sense things that something is not right. I'm getting tired of people learning psychology and misinterpreted my situation as "oh you just a bad daughter with a messed up view of the world". I actually took psychology at my university and It took me from the "Child called IT" to my education in psychology to realized I was abuse by my mom who my father gave up along the way and accepted my mom's behavior, I believe she is bipolar and maniac murder syndrome, and I felt isolated from my family. It took 4 years ago for my dad to realized what I and his friends told him that there's mentally wrong about my mother. Another thing, I am not fake to said this: I am NOT obligated to forgive someone who tried to attempting murder my father with a knife, a blunt object, and by cutting his brakes lines. You goody two shoes arse have no idea how hard to forgive. Go ahead and ask those people who had their entire family massacre to forgive a murderer. Don't worry I wait. The audacity to said to forgive someone when you haven't been in a situation like I have.

[BCSchmerker]

+Psych2GoTv *Thanks for the symptoms:*

0:52 *1. Blending in for safety*
1:47 *2. Disconnection*
3:01 *3. Fawning*
3:40 *4. Passive agression*
4:24 *5. Perfectionism*

[allinicole]

I literally lost my voice at times during that period. My therapist said it’s called selective mutisism. I grew so quiet and withdrawn and I still am as it was not short term 1 time. I used to be a really outgoing funny loud kid, but that got taken away.

[monaebreak]

"Everything you say can and will be used against you". Something to think about...

[alexm]

(Some context; i suffered from physical abuse when my parents were still together, i never had the feeling i could talk to anyone so i kept everything to myself)

The thing i suffer from the most, and i have spoken about this with a psychologist, is the fact that i barely seem to remember anything clearly about my childhood.
And because of this im always afraid that i am adding things that did not happen when talking about it and that also causes me to doubt alot of stuff, not just about that but about memories in general.

Im like, i don't want to forget because it is a part of who i am. I want to deal with it so i can help myself/others and move on because this isnt doing wonders either.

[Mochi-recv]

I felt extremely chronically empty and lost for years I’ve been thinking about this topic and this describes my situation perfectly thank you as always pysch2go 🌺