The Narcissistic Father in Law

As much as we can get to choose our partners we don't really get the chance to choose our in laws. In this video Darren Magee outlines some of the common characteristics and behaviours of a narcissistic father in law.

Looking at the relationship with the son / daughter in law, other in laws, his own children and and grandchildren. Characteristics including being over bearing, controlling, manipulative, blame shifting and turning up unannounced to do work on their home.

If you find this video interesting please consider supporting me on Patreon or Substack

#narcissisticfatherinlaw #narcissisticfamilies #FIL

[DarrenFMagee]

The videos I make are requested by you the viewer. Please feel free to suggest any mental health related topics you’d like me to cover in future.

[Adam-xsng]

My father in law, absolute know it all, always hijacked the dialogue, turned all conversations back to himself, total bore. Never had the slightest idea that he was monopolising all the attention. No patience at all and could not be criticised. Became angry very quickly. Alienated from his children and grandchildren. Also the biggest victim in the room. Sadly he has a big part in my ex wife being a covert Narcissist. I really don't want him around my children.

[nurserock]

The behavior you’ve outlined here fits perfectly with that of my former father-in-law. With the benefit of hindsight, it’s clear to me that our marriage was not unsustainable. My wife was utterly devoted to her father, oblivious to the abnormal, inappropriate of his behavior and thus both tolerant & accepting of his influence over our household. It impacted every part of my being, mind, body & spirit. I went from well-adjusted & confident to a psych hospital iin a span of 3 & ½ years…
Family/Friends, out of concern for my well being, called out the red flags, but I failed to heed their warnings and thus my fate was sealed.

For the record, I got myself back on track, got custody of my daughter and ensured she grew up out of my former father-in-law. She’s 18y/o & doing great!

God Bless You and Thank You for reading

[alexe]

Mine repeats stories that make him the hero and the victim at the same time, guised as care for the poor people of his country. I’ve seen him go from feeding the homeless to harassing my daughter for befriending and helping a struggling minority girl with her school work. Apparently, he sees everyone as competition including kids.

[buddybeetle]

Thank you so much Darren. You have just joined many dots for me. I now have a clue that my father in law is a narcissist, and the cause of so much stress over the years.

[anavistal]

My father-in-law is still controlling my husband’s life and our marriage. My husband is already 36yo and I am 34yo. My husband is still relying with his father’s opinion and often ignore my opinion. How can I trust my father-in-law in helping us with his son to have a successful marriage if he has even multiple failed marriages.

[KyleJordanProject]

I love my wife. Her father is a narcissist in the worst way. We have to work hard not to let his toxic behaviors afferc our relationship.

[MellowApple]

That one upping thing irritates the heck out of me. We were talking once and I mentioned how well my 7 year old was doing with his reading and my father in law's response was "well when I was in first grade I read 100 books". He just couldn't resist turning the conversation to himself and one upping his own grandchild. Absolutely disgusting.

[DB-etsz]

My father in law is very rude and controlling. He will say mean and rude words to me and often times it hurts my feelings. Everyone says oh he love you that’s why he jokes with you. I thought its BS. He likes to do it a lot especially when we’re at a restaurant. One time he called his son a-hole when no one was taking his side. He controls even napkins while having lunch at a restaurant with family. He likes to call me crazy. He made me cry with his rudeness several times. Even when I try to be nice he will find a way to mock me. It was too much where I can’t say anything to my husband anymore because it’s getting to old to him. What should I do to avoid my FL. I’m tired and annoyed by him.

[sscbkr]

Narcissism seems endemic. It's enough to make you hate families.. I'm adda heere! 😆 my FIL was a FLAMING narcissist as are my 4 sibs. He passed the torch to his son who's turning out to be far worse than the father. Amazingly enough, my wife is the most loving, kind, grounded and supportive person ever! So I guess I hit a home run.

[Bhappi]

Oh my gosh Darren this is my problem narcissist and you have described him in every way and I feel validated all the times I have sat and doubted this has helped me

[jjm]

My husbands father literally came over the other night and yelled and swore at me for four hours!! He’s the most awful abusive human being I’ve ever met in my life! I’ve had to put a restraining order on him and have had to block him from my life as he scared his own grandchildren. I will not accept abuse from anyone!! He doesn’t understand and is blaming me Ofcourse! He ruined my husbands life I am not letting him ruin mine!!!!

[artmeacademywiththesaltyse]

Wow. I lived this 30 yrs. Rotten narc fil would be at my house removing lights, installing thermostat etc. his own daughter a narc herself let him take over MY family and children. No one could call him out for being a drunk, porn addicted miscreant, so I was scapegoated. I finally left, healing by the day. Beware, they want their kids back for control. Even minutes after walking her down the aisle.

[DL_ROSH]

Darren, you stated recently that you were going to make videos about recovery. My wife and I both have narcissistic parents. I recognize behaviours in myself that look like covert narcissist but, thankfully, I didn't learn and adopt all my dad's behaviours nor am I as intense. Can you please provide tips to "deprogram" narcissistic behaviours from children and children in-law?

[UniqueLeeMrsG]

Sir, you have described this as if you have lived it too. I am at my wits end with my father in law and my life's situation. There is No escaping it and maintaining the relationship, as he lives with us and has the entire 17 years of our relationship. The man tormented me through a high risk pregnancy while planning the wedding. He would break things and sabbotage me. He weed whacked the plants not long before the wedding. I was Promised we would not have him living with us. I lost the baby a couple of weeks after the wedding. That Promise was also a Lie.
He has inserted himself into every aspect of our life. To the point that I barely have company over. He HAS to insert himself. He used to do it to cause problems but with age he has less energy, so now it is short stints for pitty. He inserted himself into Finances to the point that I had no say in decisions. I would be Informed of Their decisions. Decisions on home appliance purchases. Decisions on home remodel ideas and repairs. He tried inserting himself in my parenting as well but my child is not his genetic relation... he had no power there, she has a support system. He has broken things, destroyed things, tampered with our vehicle, abused our animals.. it has been insane by most standards. My husband has allowed and fostered it. I have gotten to look like the crazy lady over the years. Trying to fight to keep a relationship that has been unfairly stacked against me since day one. The man Never Relinquished Control over his son's life! He has been playing Puppeteer and Victim our entire relationship.
The other day I described him as a third wheel when the Truth... is that I Feel like the third wheel. The other 2 wheels are so alike that they look to be a Pair. I am the Odd wheel that is not like the others!
Narcissistic Cruelty has no bounds. Even as their world gets smaller and fades with age, they will rip you apart to who ever will listen. They will play the role of a victim even if it is lies that could get you into legal trouble. They Do Not Care as long as they get what they are looking to gain from their lies!
If you can relate to anything I have written... Please Get Out... for your own Health and Sanity <3 Mine are both Gone now. I need some serious therapy and my health has suffered greatly and it can not be repaired. The Damage this stress does to your body is scary.

[billiwalaghar]

This video and your comments. My life rn.

If i start writing i wont be able to stop i relate so much. I have all this pressed down inside me but i cant take it anymore.

[mattglover]

My father inlaw is a violent drunk. Lastnight he kept punching my chest. and pushing me around, touching my face to disrespect me, until he ultimately got in my face telling me "I'm Sean Mc..." then he licked my fucking face. I take good care of his daughter and grandson. And I understand the old don't hurt my daughter speech. But it's like assault and abuse. As a man It took everything in me to litterally smash his teeth down his neck. But as a father I don't want my son to see that and I don't want to beat up an almost 60 year old. How do I handle this while preserving dignity and avoiding violence.

[buddybeetle]

Jeez. On my wedding day, my father in law made a speech, and got my surname wrong!! In front of me and my assembled family ! FFS He didn’t know the name of his daughter’s husband, even tho they had been together 7 years ? My family corrected him aloud as one voice.

[grahamstrahle]

All totally applies in my experience of this. My big mistake was not buying into it on the first place, which one can hardly have foreseen. It was imagining reason, sense and decency would prevail. Not so, sadly.

[shannelsharma]

Thank you for this video! This is my father in law in a nutshell and my mother in law follows his lead. As you predicted, there was a fallout and in fact there have been many! We’re currently post fallout and I have no interest in reconciling with them this time. My husband took a hard stance against them for what they did but I don’t think it’ll last forever, eventually I’m sure he will reconcile with his parents (although he says he doesn’t know how he could ever possibly reconcile with them). I would love to get your advice on how to handle this situation, do you do virtual sessions?