ADHD in Girls and Women | Martha Barnard-Rae | TEDxKinjarling

After living undiagnosed with ADHD for 39yrs, Martha explores the reasons girls and women are underdiagnosed and her lived experiences before and after her 2021 diagnosis. Martha Barnard-Rae writes clear, convincing words for exacting humans. As a copywriter and owner of Word Candy, she specialises in personality and values-driven SEO copywriting for outside-the-box brands. Martha’s words live on the websites, blogs, videos, and emails of businesses all over Australia.

As a card-carrying Millennial, her career has evolved. But English teaching, corporate training, and copywriting are rooted in clear, engaging communication. Martha is a communicator through and through — and has always had a deep respect for the power of words.

This Canadian transplant is a life-long sun chaser. A voracious reader. An extroverted-extrovert with a penchant for social justice chats. She’s wife to a darling husband, mum to two lovely boys — and a sore loser of board games.

[yeah]

i didn’t know that ADHD includes lower levels of dopamine, which means that our brains are always desperately seeking that next dopamine hit. i teared up, honestly. it makes _so much sense_ for me

[lilyify]

It’s a privilege to be alive during a time where there are now women who speaks up for women’s health and not always men. This summarizes my life.

[jenniferham]

The post for help memorizing, the notecards, the notecards on the floor, the shuffling of the cards on the floor… this is what we need. Someone like us on a big, highly respected stage. Someone who speaks eloquently but still struggles. First time I’ve ever seen “me” on a stage. Amazing 👏

[carynslack]

The part where she says" I'm not a bad woman, I'm not a bad mom, and I can't just try harder" or However, she says it, brought me to tears because I felt fully seen for the first time in a long time.

[erinwalker]

When she teared up saying it's not just a matter of trying harder, I felt that. I haven't been diagnosed with ADHD but my parents used to punish me for "not paying attention, " not remembering, and being generally "ditzy." I didn't have control over any of these things.

[katherineelizabethco]

The most difficult part of my ADHD is becoming bored to the point where I end up feeling agitated. People, places and things can be boring. Over time I learned skills to combat boredom. I became an artist where hyper focusing is an asset. I started to exercise everyday, which calmed down agitation and anxiety. I started to wear headphones while I painted. Music shut out intrusive thoughts.

[cheriewinchell]

Not me reading through all of the comments and watching the ADHD TEDX Talk at the same time thinking I can do both at once.😬

[tacupunctureescandon]

Having ADHD while being a woman of colour, from a third-world country, and with a history of severe trauma and abuse, I can tell that life sometimes can feel very hard.

[SoSweetKhryssie]

When she said “I’m not a bad mother, I’m not a terrible person, it’s not just a matter of trying harder” I replayed that part 10+ times. So much this. This is what I needed to hear!

[elliecrabb]

That overwhelming urge to rip out your eyeballs and run out of the room in an unstimulating situation is so difficult to convey to people. It's not the boredom we all feel sometimes, it can almost be a physical pain at the idea of having to sit there.

[ameleh]

My ADHD diagnosis was last Friday. I'm 60 years old! I spent the last 3 months hyperfocusing on this, and read 5 books. I highly recommend ADHD 2.0 by Dr. Hallowell.

[kimwpeoples]

I’ve just been diagnosed with inattentive adhd at 25 after decades of being told to try harder. Thank you for making me feel so seen and validated!!

[surfingshewolf]

Music is very powerful for those with ADHD because of how it lights up all areas of the brain and releases dopamine/endorphins, ESPECIALLY playing a musical instrument, which literally DOES light up the whole brain unlike anything else we know. Playing music helps me get things started, finished, helps shut out the non stop thinking and makes me feel capable and joyful. I've also learned that being in nature and staying active(but not in a gym. I surf and free dive)

[BoysLoveUnrated]

Very common mistake that people do when they see a person with ADHD failing is giving a "simple" task to them and saying "here, this is easy, even you should be able to do it". No. This is exactly what the person with ADHD can't do. And once they fail, people just assume they're being lazy and pretending this is hard. Simple is hard! It's usually boring, monotonous, not engaging at all. It's gonna be too frustrating. Even if we finish the task, we will never do it again - that's not the work we want or can do.

[chewyjello]

It just hit me for the first time that the reason both my brothers were diagnosed and treated for ADHD as kids and I was not until adulthood, is because I was a girl. Wow. That hits hard.

[anjaashdown]

When you said, "It's exhausting", I said "YES", and burst into tears.

[sophiewaters]

In 1997 I was 24, I tried to explain to a female boss that I had ADHD and she threw back her head and laughed, saying girls don't have ADHD. It's so rare that that's impossible. I had been professionally diagnosed several years before. She was the vice president of communication at an international company.
Thank you for this affirming talk!

[CorreaoFyrestarr]

That is the most beautiful and non-insulting definition of ADHD I have ever heard. Thank you.

[SarahCoxWrites]

I was unbelievably moved by this talk. Firstly, whomever told you that ADHD doesn't exist 20 minutes before your talk needs a damn serious look at their lives and the kind of mark they want to leave in the world. You did so beautifully in light of that experience just before your talk. Secondly, as an AuDHDer myself (diagnosed 2 years ago at 52), your vulnerability at such a huge reached out to me and told me that I was seen and heard and most importantly not alone, and that it is okay to be flustered, and human. Thirdly, thank you for mentioning privilege and growing up in a loving family. So many of us, myself included, did not have that love, and this has a direct impact on outcomes especially to those of us born with neurodivergent brains trying to fit into a world that pushes the NT dream, whatever that meant. So often we are told to just get over it, which frankly for me has been impossible. My EF was smashed just trying to survive, my often-mentioned intellect (with accompanying mention of unreached potential) was not enough to pull me through that quagmire to a "successful" life. I have watched many TED talks over the years, but honestly, yours has been one of the ones that really and truly spoke to my heart. Well delivered, well done. Thank you x

[miaomiaochan]

I got diagnosed at age 37 after years of procrastination and hesitation due to my cultural background and my abject fear of being revealed as lazy and irresponsible after all. After a lifetime of being told I was both those things (with "ungrateful" on top of that) and feeling like I've wasted my life, validation felt pretty good.

This needs to be shouted from the rooftops: ADHD isn't an excuse - it's an EXPLANATION.