How to build emotional intimacy in a relationship

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Intro music: Smooth and Cool by Nico Staf
Outro music: Lensko Let’s Go

Time Stamps:
0:00 Intro
0:29 1. Decide whether you trust this person
1:59 2. Be vulnerable
2:48 3. Express your needs
4:13 Akiflow
6:35 4. Work through conflict
8:04 5. Practice radical acceptance toward them, fully
10:46 Conclusions

[schmumlauf]

My cat is outgoing like a dog, but I like to think it's because the vast majority of her interactions with humans are with cat lovers who give her strong evidence that people are safe to open up to. Cats are more human than people let on.

[Hri_rov]

About this - 8:10 - A strong relationship requires choosing to love each other even in those moments when you struggle to like each other.

[sherylmccrary]

This explains why I never had a close relationship w my mother: not trustworthy, no authentic vulnerability, or acceptance of me. Excellent summary. TY.

[Highwizardd]

yup.. all my longest friendships last because we can vent without judgement. even if i dont agree with her takes, i still believe in her. we shared our dark life stories and understand each other.

[MrSteakBall]

im just now realizing how much of this happens in therapy, even though the relationship with a therapist is a bit different

[Already.Forgotten]

My idea of conflict resolution is avoiding people until they forget we had a problem.

[FusterIsBased]

11:15 I guess the big problem I've had with developing deeper, more intimate relationships is that sometimes it feels like nobody I meet wants to reciprocate on that level, or if they do, it's only for a short, brief window of time. Not sure what to do about that.

[Moshmn]

The cat/dog analogy made me giggle because people in my life have described me as like a cat in the same way as the analogy illustrates.

[Catthepunk]

I struggle to express my needs cause i grew up being taught to learn how to be fine wirh fulfilling your own needs. That fit my personality. It's good but it wasn't balanced with learning to be comfortable with asking for your needs to be met.

[johnschmid]

Love that I’m learning these lessons in my mid 30s hahaha better late than never

[teebin]

3:21 that right there is what i struggle with a lot. Its hard for me to be vulnerable and ask for my own needs in any of my relationships because I was raised to be self fulfilling. Its hard to unlearn that avoidance of relying on anyone and telling people my true thoughts/feelings in order to not burden them.

[malemaline]

I grew up not talking about my emotions or really expressing myself so when a friend of over 20 years was a mid rude to me I tried to talk to her about it but she just got defensive and it ended our friendship.

[gustavooliveira]

This is one of the best videos I've ever seen. Thank you so much!

[LiLzZluvinJ]

Completely what I’ve been trying to express to my roommates! Thank you for sharing this information. I think I’m going to help it with my response to them.

[ThePremiumChicken]

I'm a little confused by the radical acceptance since it seems to conflict with authenticity. How do we handle the situation if we see the other person displaying behaviour which we might deep as self-destructive or even just something we disagree with? Do we not express to them how we truly feel, keep our opinions to ourselves, and feign acceptance? Maybe I'm misunderstanding something here.

[LayneSI]

Can you talk about how to convince myself to be open to a relationship if i think my current self shouldn't be on a relationship? Love your videos!

[einPfurz]

Hearing more about the shadow self would be nice! Thank you. :)

[growing.flowers]

1:00 by nature of being somebody that I’ve chosen to trust

[ValenGDA]

Hey Ana!! I really like your videos and I usually don't comment but I was wondering if there could be spanish subtitles for some of your vids, since I wanna send them to some of my friends but they don't understand english 😅

[SM-ncpt]

Thank you for sharing. That was so helpful.