How to deal with an emotionally unavailable partner

How to deal with an emotionally unavailable partner

Dealing with an emotionally unavailable partner. Why people keep their distance in a relationship

[GigiHabibi]

20 years on I’ve come to the heart wrenching conclusion that he will never be able to be that emotionally available one for me, because as he told me, he just isn’t functioning to that level and it isn’t there. What a waste of my life.

[afrochick]

The empathy we are supposed to have for someone that literally abandoned you.

[lolaweed]

Tell your emotionally unavailable partner to get therapy. Never settle for breadcrumbs these types make you insecure, there’s nothing wrong with wanting words of affirmation and affection it creates connection and stability

[suzannemaroney]

As a woman, I need someone to meet me at least half way…I don’t want to be a counselor! Ugh!

[scottpatricknow]

What I’m hearing is. Take care of your needs and their needs. You could still be betraying your own needs because avoidants need to do their part too. If you enable them to stay in their patterns, it could mean to are always the one trying. Express yourself and set boundaries around them showing up. I do agree though to try to get the avoidants to see how their patterns are affecting the relationship without guilting. To really not living in their dynamic, moving on might be the strategy for you after trying to see if they will show up. Their programming is leading them. It isn’t easy change for them. But living in emotionally unavailable unsatisfying interactions is just hell.

[Schwabian]

Don't waste your time waiting for change.. the avoidant partners are to paralysed and lazy to make change-- leave before the poison of anger hurt and frustration seeps into your own soul

[TurboFist]

As someone that was just dating an emotionally unavailable person, I'll give my 2 cents and say that it's not worth it. Just move on. They are too hot and cold, afraid of commitment, afraid of intimacy, not reliable, flakey, etc.

[andreaconde]

Don’t listen to anyone, listen to your own heart and soul. These individuals don’t, won’t or can’t change. Their personal trauma is real but it’s not your responsibility to fix them. Leave while you are ahead. Don’t wait 10, 15, 20 years in a relationship with someone who will never fill your emotional cup or ever care to try. It won’t happen, it doesn’t matter what you try to do, it’s all just a waste of time.

[kamross]

My girlfriend sees me as “too emotional”. She gets upset when i ask things like “do you still love/like me” when I’m really just asking because she acts sometimes as though she doesn’t. There have been time where she gives her friends so much more attention than me. If i don’t reach out first, we would not have any communication throughout the day. Sometimes i have to remind her to even speak to me. I feel like I’m the only one putting effort into the relationship: i plan all the dates, I’m the one who says i love you first, I’m the only one that thinks we could use improvement. I love her so much and i want to create a life with her. I’m just so nervous she won’t change.

[deadislander]

this tactic would only work if your partner were open to begin with, how ironic. No matter the approach if they don't want to change or take any responsability, they simply won't. Try this tactic but try it only once, if you keep having to deal with your relationship issues on your own and to process that by yourself over and over again, you're only carrying the weight of the relationship on your own as well as enabling your partners shitty behavior. Try it once and if nothing changes, leave.

[lotusphoenix]

Work on yourself so that you are secure. Then you will probably find the relationship is not worth staying in if your partner doesn't evolve with you

[natalivankova]

Ladies it’s not your responsibility to try to heal someone, who’s chosen to be emotionally unavailable. My advice run and don’t waste your time. Hurt people hurt people.🤷🏻‍♀️

[scorpioglow]

My man is so emotional unavailable that if I tried saying something like “you were more powerful when we started dating, your heart was in it” even if followed by, I’m here for you, I see why you’re stressed, etc etc he would think I’m attacking him by or thinking he’s a “fuck up” now. I’ve had man very similar conversations like this where I’m coming from a place of love and he turns it around like i know attacking him. He’s very closed off. It’s so frustrating. We have a baby together and things started to get crazy when I got pregnant, his dad got very sick with cancer and we didn’t think he would even make it to see our son (his first grand kid).it was a very hard time. I tried to remain calm and be a constant for him but he closed off the world and became very emotional distant during a time when I needed him the most. I was pregnant, I felt vulnerable, I feel clingy in a way I can’t describe or ever felt in my life before I was pregnant because I think instinctively, a woman wants her man to protect her from the world when she’s carrying his child and I didn’t get any of that. He used to be warm, romantic, loving. And it all shut off. Now his father miraculously beat the cancer and my man is getting better with me. But there’s other stress now with a baby and I have unresolved resentment from that time when he shut me out. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes we are great and other times, I feel like I picked the wrong person to start a family with. I hate saying that or thinking that but I wish he could be emotionally available.

[jazminedeblaw]

I just want to have conversations with my fiancé about something he did that hurt or effected me... and have him take accountability for how his actions made me feel and offer me something else instead of “ well that’s you, or my bad”.

[beehappycoleman]

Coming from this experience: for men or women, when I am engaging in friendships or romantic relationship with a man, when I see the red flags of emotional unavailability, I move on and find a relationship that does have emotional availability. Life is too short folks. Just too short. I’m not bashing people that don’t have availability of emotion, this is simply my personal value judgment.

[lilndnfeather]

Yeah telling my husband he is less powerful right now is not going to go over well. It’s going to make him feel weak and defensive and lash out at me..

[dave-j-k]

Don't bother - you cannot change someone, if they do not want to do the work on themself then get out and get out fast.

[Nonamearias]

My husband is emotionally unavailable and after 7 years of dealing with this I want to file for a divorce .

[aliengirl]

Lots of people here have said that it is better to move on than to go on to help someone who is unavailable. I think it is all depending on the connection. Numbness can be a result of trauma. While it is up to you to decide whether you are going to help that person or not, if you have loved that person then you will at least give it a try, coz love is like that. It all is based on how much the other person is important to you. If that person had been a beautiful lover and has cared before, you should have the need to help. All depends on how much you love.

[barrett]

I really could cry watching this. I love him with all my heart… in the beginning he was emotional now he’s not unless he’s drinking and I’m lucky for him to be emotional then.. somehow I feel like it’s my fault.. that makes me even more sad and depressed.. 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢