6 Things You Should Never Say to Anyone

When we invalidate someone, we are rejecting or dismissing their feelings and experiences. It's like telling them they shouldn't feel a certain way or that they are wrong. Invalidation is considered one of the most damaging forms of emotional abuse.

Here are 6 things you shouldn't say to anyone.

1. "It could be worse" is essentially telling someone that their experiences don't matter.
2. "Don't think about it and just move on."
3. "Stop crying. You're being too sensitive." Telling someone to stop crying doesn't work. Everyone cries and if someone tells you differently, they are lying.
4. "Why are you making it such a big deal?"
5. "I know exactly how you feel." Even though you may have went through the same experience, everyone reacts and responds to situations differently.
6. "I don't want to hear it and I am not having this conversation."

Remember that everyone's experiences and feelings are valid and real. We do not need to agree with what they are saying or feeling, but we should aim to create a safe place for their emotions to exist. If you find our videos helpful, do consider sharing our videos and subscribing to our channel for more!

Thank you so much everyone and have a wonderful day :)!

[ing-acnl]

A lot of parents in the world need to hear this.

[Lianna_Is_Me]

1. It could be worse
2. Don't think about it just move on
3. Stop crying your being too sensitive
4. Why are you making it such a big deal?
5. I know exactly how you feel
6. I dont want to hear it and I I not having this conversation

To all the people in a rush!
Also I admit I do 5, only because i want to comfort people and empathize and I know not every experience is the same but i only say this to empathize not knowing it could hurt. I'm sorry to all I have said this I was wrong. I apoligize...

Also if only my mom and dad didn't say these things... not even 5

[CatychoVT]

My biggest issue with this is that it's rude to assume anyone is trying to invalidate you. Some of these are rude, and there are better ways to put it, but not everyone is good at that. I know several people who get advice (even well put advice) or help from friends and fail to see what they're trying to say and just interpret it as an attack or some form of invalidation when it simply isn't true and they continue to sulk and complain and wonder why no one is helping them.
In the same way you say to remember that everyone's feelings are valid, also remember that most people aren't evil and are genuinely trying to help you and not invalidate you. If you default to a defensive and sensitive mentality, then perhaps it is not them and you need to learn to steel yourself.
I know I'm blunt, but if you thought that was invalidating to say, then I am talking about you. So please before you assume that someone is invalidating you by what they say, please please listen to what they said and try to see the good in what they say and take it constructively. In the end it's up to how you interpret it, and most people have good intentions, it's just a valuable skill to be able to see through clouded judgement and understand what people really mean.
I don't normally feel the need to say that I never said your feelings are invalid, in fact it is as true as the video portrays and it's okay to cry and be vulnerable. But I find it concerning how the video tackles a concept so complex without considering the other side of the equation, because it's not that negative (98% of the time) and cannot be simplified this much.

[loomonda]

Hmmm I don't completely agree with all of these statements, for example "why are you making it such a big deal" & "I don't want to hear it and I'm not having this conversation". As someone who has grown up with an extremely narcissistic mother, telling her when she's making a HUGE deal/having a meltdown over losing sunglasses and she begins to victim blame everyone else - or when she gets satisfaction at LITERALLY constantly yelling at you/others trying to evoke a reaction, and telling her that you won't be engaging in this conversation, they're fair statements. She doesn't respect boundaries at all, so making these statements is sometimes necessary.

[mlucyd]

I didn't know #5 shouldn't be said. I use it often because i thought it gives support to others so they don't feel alone. Thank you for this advice. I will try my best not to use it anymore

[robotunicorn]

I disagree with number six. I have had to use that in abusive situations where I am getting manipulated by being yelled at, and that phrase has saved me from just sitting there and taking all the insults thrown at me.

[Mike-ibum]

Oh my hell a video that gets to the point. I love it.

[thecatsbackyard]

Now if all of us could learn not to say these things to ourselves, we'd be able to chill.

[prioriza-t]

Totally agree. Some parents should take notes and learn how to bring children with secure attachment and peaceful minds

[youtubecommentergal]

Number 3 “Stop crying you're being too sensitive.” oh how many times I've heard that as a highly sensitive person (HSP). 🤦🏽‍♀️

[micheleroyce]

Those are powerful things to share. Good educational time. Someone used most of these when I was growing up. The "exactly how you feel" crosses boundaries. It may seem sensitive but it really steals the experience of the person you are talking to. Again, these are important to AVOID.

[caslynn]

Love this video and if I may, here are some alternatives that could be said/done for those genuinely meaning to provide comfort:

1. Validate how terrible someone is feeling. It doesn't matter if it "could be worse". Everyone has a right to feel upset. Explain that you are here if they need to talk

2. Everyone is allowed to feel negative emotions. Allow ppl to work through those emotions even if it keeps coming up. This usually means they haven't gotten closure. Listen when someone keeps repeating an event, nod and be supportive and reassure they are not wrong to keep reverting back to these feelings. Often ppl feel they should have moved on; but that is not the case. Nothing ever completely heals. There will always be scars

3. Allow ppl to cry. I understand it can be uncomfortable when someone starts crying, but all you need to do is be patient. Don't be judgemental. If you can, offer a tissue. This is a kind gesture that tells the other person you're not rushing them. If they apologise for crying, explain that they don't need to be sorry, that everyone cries. I never touch someone when like this without consent. When it's a client or even some friends, I ask if they need a hug. I also sometimes hold my hands out, palms up, and leave it up to the person if they wish to take it for further comfort

4. A lot of times we may feel someone is blowing a situation out of proportion. Sometimes this is the case but it is never that simple. It is usually a trigger or a last straw of a bigger event. Again, listen to the person. Validate their feelings. "You don't need to apologise. If it upsets you, it's not stupid" is often what I say to someone as they will try to brush off their negative feelings as 'dumb'. Feelings are not "dumb" and no one is stupid for feeling them

5. This is a common one. Most ppl understand that someone is attempting to provide comfort, but this can alienate someone further as you know how they feel yet you're so put together (in their eyes). Instead, I say "I can't even imagine how [hard this is/how you must feel/how scary that was/etc]". It tells them you are listening, you are sympathising, and you are not taking away their experience

6. Everyone has a breaking point. That is okay. Instead of saying this, if you truly can't talk about a topic at that moment, instead say "I am not in the right mind for this conversation right now. We can talk later, alright?" It's a reassurance that you hear the person and you are not brushing them off, you just need a moment. When ready, approach them, "Thank you for being patient. I'm ready to discuss [topic] now."

I hope this helps. I am a neurodivergent DSW who works w vulnerable populations including elementary, geriatric, and mentally and physically disabled individuals. All comfort comes w practice. Genuinely, most ppl understand and appreciate an attempt at comfort. But words do have impact. I hope this helps♡

[ViWiCoverChannel]

I wanna metion that all this "never say that" can be also damaging to you, if you overthink and overdo it. Its okay if you cant handle someone's feeling, take time for yourself and patiently explain you mood to someone who is overwhelming
That will be enough

[dullpencil]

“It could be worse” and “I know how you feel” are ok in some circumstances. Definitely not to be said in a heart to heart but in a casual context I think they’re fine.

[mimmi]

U forgot " u should be thankful " 😪😪

[H_Hold]

Damn; My life has been built off of things that shouldn't have been said to me.

[paranxietyoia]

This are the things i say to everyone almost every day in every conversation only without #3 but yes what else to say?? ttfff it comes naturally

[damnablethief]

Number 6, that one gets me. My ex was the most emotionally abusive person that I have ever met.

[donnies]

Nah bruh.. I will definitely tell someone in an absolute heartbeat I am not having this conversation!! Sometimes people do this thing called lying..and then follow that act with justification..🤔🤔😑.. I am absolutely NOT here for it!🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️..it’s better and much safer for both parties that I make that sentiment very clear..

[roof]

lmao tell this to my parents cause they say all of this at least once a week 💃