To My Parents... You Ruined My Childhood

Many things go wrong in a childhood and so, understandably, we might want to try (as adults) to have a conversation with our parents about what happened when we were small. But a lot of the time, we'll draw a blank: if they were capable of understanding our complaint, they would probably not have frustrated us in the first place.

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Produced in collaboration with:

Khyan Mansley

[weiboy]

That's like complaining to your bully about bullying.

[angelg.]

This would be impossible to discuss without an argument if you have narcissistic parents.

[arckocsog]

I did with my mother, but instead of listening, she just got defensive.

[ggodzmack]

My mom did one better, complained about her childhood to me while simultaneously doing the same mistakes. Can't blame her though, breaking the programming ain't no easy feat, who knows how many generations this goes back. Hope I don't do the same to my children.

[DerDoenerInMir]

I found that having these conversations with a good friend is far more productive than trying to get through denial, deflection and gaslighting .

[fran]

It's mind blowing to me how many people experience abuse from who's supposed to love them. This is one of the most widely spread problems in our society right now, it's time to finally talk about it

[Bill-pyfn]

Some of us spend most of our adult lives trying to undo the damage our parents did to us. But, unless we are willing to break the chain and not do the same with our own children then what does that say about us?

[BifolikaDesigns]

I started a conversation with my over worried and over controling mother about my childhood and she wasn't even aware about i was telling her. She denied every aspect of it and blame me for not being grateful. And don't get me wrong i wasn't even implying she was guilty. I was just explaining why i became a person with low self esteem.
It was horrible, so nope. Never gonna do this again.
But i understand that they were raised the same way, and they did their best.
Except i just really wanted for them to know me, to be close and to have healthy intimate relationships.
It's sad that it will never happen.

[dirikir.]

My Uncle once told me children can't show you what they think about you when they are younger, but they will definitely show you when they are older. It is a must to confront those who you have feel wronged you, for your parents are the most important people in your upbringing and if they place any value on your well being then they should be open to dialog.

[tere]

Did this video give you a bit of anxiety?

[jeremymenning]

I was raped at age 7 by a neighbor and held it in until I was in the middle of an existential crisis at age 39. My parents pretty much said, "Oh sorry about that." And carried on. Pretty much the same as these parents did.

It is what it is.

[FreeJulianAssange]

One time I told my mom I feel ruined by her continuously slapping me across the face. Her response was “You think your so great, all you do is try to make me feel like a bad mother.”
One time I told my mom it bothers me that if I don’t do what she wants she says, I don’t love my children her response was “So your Mrs. Perfect who doesn’t do anything wrong?”
One time I asked my mom for space to heal from Codependency and she asked, how long my selfish phase would last.

[Jascus_]

I was okay with this video up until "They probably did the best job they could." This is just false, maybe for an average family it is true, but there are families out there that give children the minimum requirements for human to live (food, water, shelter) and demand the children to be thankful for that and make sure they would never ask more than just that.


I do agree that there is no point of bringing up your bad childhood as we would never be able to have a decent conversation about it. But to see how everyone always takes the side of the parent as a 3rd person is just sickening.

[Masterdebator]

Abusive parents, mentally or physically, should be kicked to the curb if they refuse to acknowledge or try to better themselves. No room for toxic people in anybody’s life, family or not!

[dandelion_.]

Broken people raise broken children unintentionally..
I believe people do their best with the tools they are given, good or bad.

[mr.peanutbutter]

They did the best they can. But now I have terrible trust issues and the voices inside my head really hate me

[journeytoart]

I have learnt psychology and I saw these signs, when confronted my parents I got the excat response. Also we only talk about food. We don't talk anything else. I did give up kinda to explain them why I turned bout the way I did, when they asked me of my failure as an individual. Times I cry( secretly), due to pain but I also understand they did do what they thought was best. Sometimes when I see other families having good relationship with eachother I feel lonely. I don't have single member in my family who I can discuss this with. Maybe once or twice me and my brother did discuss this. Since we are adults we are expected to take responsibility and stop blaming. Thanks for the video.

[laestherminator]

Being fresh in trauma therapy and living at home with my parents during quarantine as a 31-year old had me trying to force these conversations to happen with my dad. Watching the character in the video at the table was like watching me from an outside point of view. Many arguments and shame-ridden crying spells later, I'm realizing finally that I have to accept that these conversations are not to be had with my parents. My job now is to be loving and grateful that they did the best they could, to choose my battles, and to bring these tough conversations to my friends and therapist, rather than my parents. Easier said than done, but I have to move forward,

[bisskutt]

In every video TSoL uploads, I always see a comment that says, "oh what wonderful timing, I wanted to hear this."
I think we all go through similar problems a little bit differently from everyone else. It's so calming in a weird way to know we aren't alone. Thanks TSoL.

[jawzea]

In my experience, it's impossible. I grew up with a depressed mother who was prone to violent outbursts and a father who was often in other states for work for the good of the family. There was and still is this want I have for them to just admit that yeah, it was really bad. It messed me up for a long time how nonchalant they were; instead they often blammed me for terrible events or wanting to upset them. It's impossible to get them to open up about it. But at least now I can know it was bad and unusual. I can accept my flaws properly now and know that I'm still deserving of love, not further violence.