How to know when to LEAVE your Relationship

It's normal to want your relationship to survive, it's normal to hope for an intimate connection with someone. We all want to feel safe and close with someone we love. The only issue is...those things demand something from us. In order to build trust in a relationship, we need consistency, we need a felt sense of safety that this person cares about my feelings, needs, and desires, we need mutual respect. Great relationships don't happen by accident. And when someone else refuses to put in the work to make a relationship work we need to ask the question "how do I know when it's time to leave?"

#marriageadvice #relationshipproblems #conflictresolution

[cherylannebarillartist]

At the end of mediation my soon to be ex husband stood up, looked at me and said, ”but I love you”
The attorneys in the office held their breath (he was violent toward me), I stood up, looked at him and said, “but you didn’t live it”.

After he left, the mediator and both attorneys said they’ve seen women change their minds when hearing this and often later end up in an ER and commended me my strength.

It wasn’t easy
But it was right.
✨💖✨

[thrill]

Never date for potential. Also only believe actions. People will say anything to get what they want from you. Actions speak louder than words.

[allthingsharbor]

"When they show you who they are, believe them the first time." Some of the wisest words ever spoken.

[sharicoburn]

When you learn that you are the only one trying to make it work, you have your answer.

[JETTSTACHI]

I use to keep telling him he acts like I'm not his person. Finally realized he's not MY person.

[kai]

The biggest indicator of my "doneness" was when I stopped doing things for him that I normally would. I stopped making his lunch. Even though I'd made it everyday for more than a year, I just quit making it one day. Stopped cooking. Stopped cleaning up his messes. Stopped stressing over laundry. I do not care anymore. Zero motivation; it just disappeared.

After 19 years, I'm finally taking my life back. Through therapy 2x/week, and with an amazing therapist, I'm finding my self-worth and my authentic self.

His pity-party no longer works with me. At all.

[PinkGSR]

I wish my grandmother and mother had been able to leave abuse. All it taught me was how to live in chaos and emotional distress. I’m changing this so no generation after me suffers toxic relationships

[asimcoe]

15 years- I waited fifteen flipping years. Poor self worth, trauma bonding, couples counselling, individual counselling- whatever I did or tried to do, was never enough.
I can't have a partnership by myself, especially if I'm the only one who shows up.

Don't waste as much time as me, accept that this person just can't or won't give what you need. Doesn't make them a bad person, just makes them not yours.

[dadhacks]

My favorite phrase he consistently makes is “love is not enough”
I’ve found that it is so much easier to feel love for someone than it is to actually show it.
Interesting second point to the is that most times that love feeling is so easy to confirm with physical intimacy at first but it’s also the first thing to go.

[papakael]

I had to give up on the idea of potential, three and a half years later. Now, I'm left to process trauma.

[clericoflight]

I endured so many years of abuse and my therapist finally helped me understand it. I kept crying about how he's been my best friend and partner for so long, and she finally read out the list of abuses we'd written and asked me, "is this what a best friend does?" It was a glass shatter moment for me because I could never unsee it. I needed it spelled out like that to finally break my denial.

[Anneace]

Jimmy, I really needed to hear this right now. 37 years with a dismissive avoidant (72 y/o) which I just learned about a month ago. Had I known, I wouldn’t have hoped for 37 yrs that he would change and wasted my life. Everything you said in this video, even I’m scared, has proven many things to me of what I’ve been through and moving forward. But the wounds are deep…. I pray I find the courage and the wisdom . I love him so much that the pain is too much.

[keariewashburn]

Love is an action and choice. No effort no triumph. Takes two.

[deeamor]

Yup, I am cool with being in a relationship with just myself

[rogerbernard]

I, unfortunately, stayed for 13-years in a relationship with someone I loved with all my being…and waited all that time for his “potential ability to be in an adult relationship” to show up. It never did.

[MFB]

This video perfectly explains the situation I was in half a year ago when I made the hardest decision to leave my fiancé and move alone 11k km to be just with myself and become more aware of who I am again. This time apart turned out to be exactly what we both needed to learn to take responsibility for our own well-being and understand what truly matters to us. After six months, we reconnected, started individual therapy as well as couples counseling, and we are now re-engaged, stronger than ever. Staying true to my boundaries turned out to be the greatest act of love and trust that everything will be okay in the end.

Doing the right thing can seem like the worst nightmare sometimes but it will eventually lead you to what's best for you.

[theresagarnero]

Thank you for validating how if both people aren’t willing to put in the work, the relationship wont survive! ❤

[Morzanith]

10 years with a man that never once tried to better himself or fix any problem. He was a selfish and entitled man child. Could have used this video about 5 years ago when things were getting really bad.

[debraperry]

This is exactly why women initiate most divorces. Their needs aren't being met. Family, friends, society is going to blame her for doing that to him. She's called selfish, because 'he wasn't cheating on her.'

Please don't listen to their message. Your needs are valid.

[kmoon]

This is true for ALL... close relationships... Friendships too.... absolutely.