How to Apologize

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Jefferson Fisher

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Great advice. I also like the approach by the late Randy Pausch, in his book, The Last Lecture. “Proper apologies have three parts: 1) What I did was wrong. 2) I’m sorry that I hurt you. 3) How do I make it better? It’s the third part that people tend to forget…. Apologize when you screw up and focus on other people, not on yourself.” It’s a magnificent book with many wonderful lessons. I think you would really appreciate it. Speaking of books, I’m looking forward to yours.

jamilsawaya

Excellent! A comma or a “but” negates any true repentance.

FrankChipWinter

i love ❤️ to say: i apologize. take responsibility quickly. no explanations. we are all imperfect. 🍃
🕊i apologize⚘️🌺

alohaseemaui

Thanks for the clarification! You’re right; it feels off to say “I’m sorry you ….” We should begin with “I’m sorry for…” when making a sincere apology. I also like asking how to handle a similar situation if it arises again.

conniebentley

Thank you Jefferson wonderful advice I need to start doing this and do better

wendy

Love ALL of your valuable tutelage, Jefferson. Regarding this one, however, I disagree slightly. I learned from Marshall Rosenberg’s fantastic book, Nonviolent Communication, never to apologize but to instead convey regret, and then thankfulness for the opportunity to learn what to do differently in the future. Apologizing implies wrongness and with NVC we want to avoid language that implies wrongness. I would encourage you to get your hands on his writings, they literally changed the way I see, hear, think, and do everything!

theaspiephotographer

Yes, that’s an apology, and everyone should do this exactly

Maramh

Excellent advice. Thanks once again Mr. Fisher.

patricemcdonald

Thank you for your advice. I have a very difficult time in social situations. After listening to your suggestions, I actually have more confidence

michaelschweigart

The word "but" is an apology eraser.

Amos_Huclkeberry

Am thinking we Brits can over apologise, and that really thinking carefully before making an apology is important. It’s important to know what you truly own in an apology so I love this clip which to me is all about sincerity. It’s so fundamental to how we live and relate, and reveals what we value and appreciate. 🙂🙏🏼

uyouhaveyou

And don't forget to keep your promises about next time

annemarie

Great advice, thank you.

Sometimes I do want to add some context, but as an explanation not an excuse. To make that clear, I first provide some information about what led me to the mistake (for example, I was tired and you said the exact thing I'm sensitive about). Then I follow that up with: but I still should not have done X, and I'm sorry.

RadishTheFool

Youre too cute, Period! LoL😅 All your videos should be in front of all classrooms around the country!!!😅

donnabelitz

Not a big Mel Robbins fan but I enjoyed your interview with her recently. I'm glad you got a chance to help her! Hahaha! Also excited to see you build a bigger presence in the world with your book. It's making a difference for what it's worth coming from me.

SamCrowetheCreativeCrowe