How to Apologize the Right way

We ALL need to learn the correct way to Apologize in our Relationships. First, we hold space for our partner to actually share what's going on, we show with our words and body language that we care about their experience or perspective even if we don't agree with it right away, we try to understand them by asking questions, we validate and empathize, and we take ownership and express remorse for what we could have done differently saying "I'm sorry, that was wrong, here's what I'm going to do next time". This is what leads to closeness and connection after conflict, listen, validate, repair, apologize. Both partners are responsible for these.

#apology #relationshipproblems #datingadvice

[juju]

Apologies are soooo meaningful to me because my dad NEVER could apologize. It means so much when someone hears me out. I speak my part as gently as I can instead of getting defensive because I know it’s been a trigger for me but I've learned to assume they meant no harm to start with. My ultimate goal is openness, understanding and PEACE.

[TheBaumcm]

“I’m sorry” becomes “you’re complaining. I hear you. Now be quiet”. My response to it now is “don’t be sorry, be better”

[gmkbelanger]

Canadian here married to a Brit, both with C-PTSD - we take apologising to a whole 'nuther level. 😊 ❤

[RadishTheFool]

You are so good at explaining these concepts so clearly and briefly and accurately and empathically. It's a talent for sure, but I know from experience it also takes a lot of effort. I truly appreciate you sharing all of that with us, thank you.

[Ohhhwehere]

thank you for this.

My X apoligicedto me right away before I had finished explaining to him why I felt hurt me by something he did/said, he would repeat "Im sorry Im sorry Im sorry" and hug me intil I stoped talking and I felt he wasent really sorry but that he only wanted to silence me.

Im so glad I managed to break up with him when the pandemic hit.

[buffuniballer]

I can say yes, it is hard to stand there and take it when the one you love is lashing out at you over what seems to you to be a miss.

On the other hand, sometimes, we hurt someone without thinking.

Imagine the example of dancing with your partner. If you step on her toes, she will say ouch because it hurts.

Telling her that you didn't mean to do so doesn't take away that hurt.

On the other hand, if, instead of saying ouch, she says, "Are you trying to kill me?" and not in a teasing manner, I.E. it's an attack, it's hard to stand there and take it.

There is work on both sides for this.

If you step on someone, intended or otherwise, it hurts. Acknowledge the hurt and accept they are hurt. Telling them you didn't mean to do it, or that they shouldn't feel hurt isn't going to fix things.

If you are the one who is hurt, don't assume they did it on purpose. Accidents happen. Misses happen where you each just see things differently.

[gabet]

This means so much to me. I always apoligized so quickly it led to strife with the girl I was talking to. I wish I'm glad I found your videos while I'm still young. Thank you so so much.

[jsthorses]

I have used heart talk projects for decades for my helps people learn to give total attention, and to move through an issue, equally. In small students, we would ask them to sit on a chair, or hold on to a fence post outside and talk until they are sure they understand and are ready to move forward. This has a great benefit of teaching kids to communicate openly and honestly, as well as to be empowered to stand up for themselves, not play sic the teacher or parent on the other kid. An added benefit is that the real bullies are out of service for hours as they have scheduled talks with many other students. Their parents are often required to sit and not say a word, today I would have them watch see how their child REALLY acts. Many a time teachers, in the interest of getting back on schedule rush an apology, parent do the same! We can all learn better communication skills. Parents can and do learn how to lead a heart talk and facilitate for teens to learn to lead them for smaller children.

[sadgirlvisuals]

Wow ! He said yes it’s hard but it doesn’t make it less necessary. I struggle with being passive about everything but im going to work on it

[QueenJohnson-ue]

"Thank you" so much. All your videos on narcissists were both entertaining/funny on & also "seriously informative" to help me leave someone alone that was not good for me. It brought the **clarity to my mind needed !!

[tesseract]

You are so above and beyond on this topic. I see so many "very educated" people that are "bouncing around", about what is really going on.... you are a true professional... you brought honesty which was truly missing... yeah it can trigger people but there's no way around it... we either corect it or forget about it, and do the same mistakes over and over....
I am so happy and proud of you. Proud that you had the courage to embark on this journey. I wish to you, LOTS OF SUCCESS!

[positivevibe]

Yes, this will be hard for me to do because when I'm wrong, I apologize pretty quickly. I admit i was wrong. I have to listen to this video again to get a better understanding.

Ok.. I get it. Hopefully, the person you are apologizing to will be open to your sincere apology. If not, atleast The person apologizing has done their part. And can move on from it. ❤

[KY-jbvd]

When my kids were little, I taught them to apologize to each other using a formula I saw on a video once. 1. I'm sorry for.... and you describe what they are complaining about in your own words. 2. It was wrong because.. and here is where you acknowledge the hurt that you caused 3. Next time i'm going to... and you say what you will do instead the next time you're in that situation and 4. Will you forgive me? Let me tell you it worked like a HOT DAMN and the kids could never stay mad at each other when they did this. They would smirk and roll their eyes a bit when I would prompt them to say 'I'm sorry for.." but they would do it and do it well by the end. I really think it's something we should use as adults too.. very similar to this video!

[shelleycharlesworth]

This was a good video. Here is what I say:

I am sorry I was wrong to….
I will not do that again….

What can I do to restore your trust in me?
Can you forgive me ?

The problem I have with my significant other is this-I apologize repeatedly and he keeps complaining on and on.
Exhausting and I feel berated. What to do? Go in other room? His complaining on and on FLOODS me !

[THENEONARCADE]

When i would accuse my last boyfriend of things he had actually done, he would always say: Oh nice one. Which understandably made me feel more angry and frustrated. What he should've said was: Yes i did do that and I'm sorry and i won't do it again, and really mean all of that, then we could've made up and felt closer emotionally instead of further apart. I couldn't get anywhere with him always saying: Oh nice one. Extremely frustrating for me He did so many things that were terrible. The way he treated me was so bad, I'm not going to put up with that again. I'm so glad he's gone from my life. I deserve so much better than him !!!!

[mamame]

This goes for all relationships and is so true!

[mirchellepinpindg]

Thank you so much Jimmy. I listen to all your relationship advice which really highlights the emotional maturity that both partners must have and nurture.

More often I am dismissed, my partner (then) was so defensive and out speaks me which left me so confused …and if I tried to recall the instance of a particular hurtful situation, I am gaslighted.

So overall, I felt unheard. Yet he told me, he felt unheard. It was more like a competition of arguments. I was given all these wonderful spiritual stuff which in my mind AND heart, I could not argue against.

To say anything that may sound I am challenging some biblical truth was inconceivable. At the end of the day, I recognized that there was a huge incompatibility of values and beliefs.

This incompatibility included the kind of love language I would have wanted in a relationship. I asked to separate so I can ground myself once again, set up my emotional boundaries and let go of the relationship despite the love… I knew this was not my person - not anymore. 😰. It was a painful decision but I knew self love and care must take precedence. We were no longer a couple, a team nor best friends … I felt I was alone, and on my own.

More success and blessings to you Jimmy. Don’t stop sharing!!! 😊

[ellewhy]

Wonderful video! It's amazing and sad how something like an apology can become a toxic thing. Genuine care involves more forethought than many people seem capable of, lol.

[positivevibe]

This makes soooo much sense. If both partners were on the same page, this would be awesome to do. I can't see my spouse doing this. He has Aspergers. Therefore, his thinking pattern is not neurotypical. However, this is a great tool to use. Many thanks ❤❤

[charisse]

Know what Jimmy I really really wish it was that simple and that easy! but it isn't sure I can apologise in the right way only for it not to be heard! Unfortunately life is not black and white there is a whole lot of other colours floating around.anyway thank you for this video! positivity peace and love ♥️