Why I use she her pronouns

Why do I use she her pronouns? Out of the options available, they/them, he/him, and she/her, the pronouns she and her suit me best! I am tackling a question I've gotten about my own choices with gender, and hopefully give you some foundation to start asking yourself, "why?"

Asking "why" when it comes to your choices is the single best way to get at the motivations behind your actions, and then to decide if they are authentic for you. Whether your choices are about gender identity, pronouns, gender expression, or anything else, being able to say "this is what I would want if I was alone in a room forever," gives you the tools to live a life you're proud of.

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[JoBenny]

I love the "if I were alone in a room" approach. I think so many of the personal decisions we make, be it about gender or anything else, are influenced by external opinions, perception and general "noise".

[marrriiee]

i came here to educate myself because i keep seeing it on twitter❤️

[p.s.]

Ashley -

You are a huge inspiration to me. I have always been felt like I wasn't "non-binary enough" because I choose to use pronouns typically associated with the binary (she/her). I'm really happy to know that I'm not alone in that. I'm also really happy to know that I'm not the only person who approached questions with the "alone in a room" thought process. It's a really great way to go about it. My point is...this video and your online presence is really comforting to me and I feel a lot less alone. Thank you for being here and thank you for all you do.

- Piper

[rbwtxgf]

I know this is an old video, but this helps me so much. I'm questioning, and the topic of pronouns has really given me so much anxiety and stress, but your positive take has helped relieve that anxiety for me and given me a lot to think about, in a hopeful way. Keep on keeping on!!! 💖 (edited for typo)

[SemmelOff]

I really love your 'If I was alone in a room...' approach... it's pretty eye opening. I'll need to think about that. Thank you!

[chloekuefler-terweeme]

I want they/them pronouns, but nobody uses them, it feels disrespectful.

[ilostmytightywhities]

Thank you, Ashley. I find your videos very helpful as I try to navigate through a binary world while I personally identify as non-binary. I have been sticking with she/her pronouns, but have sort of been feeling like I'm "supposed" to start using they/them pronouns in order to be truly recognized and accepted as non-binary. This video helped me feel more comfortable with my decision to stick with she/her. If there was an accepted gender neutral pronoun that was common and widely used, I would go with that, but sadly, there is not. If you are comfortable sharing, I am curious which bathroom you choose to use when out in public. I have tried using the men's bathroom and it was a complete nightmare and horror show, but I also feel weird sometimes using the women's. I hate the stares and startled looks and feel compelled to stick my chest out to make my breasts more prominent and say "hello!" to reveal my high-pitched voice - all as a way of trying to tell the nervous-looking women, "Don't worry, I belong here." I hate that I make people uncomfortable, but don't know what else to do. I would love to hear how you navigate through this situation if you don't mind sharing. Thanks again for all your insights.

[chloe-pfbo]

People can be so mean in that comment section 😐 I feel like most of them don't get that gender is a social construct so it's not defined by one's body or one's appearance.

[charliekthx]

Love the thought process this sent me on. I have never been more empowered to be my most authentic self. Thank you, really x

[ajculp]

I have only just found your videos, but they have already started to help me heal. Thank you 💘

[sameseokjin]

I love your hair! I completely agree, I'm a trans guy and go by either he or they pronouns because that's what I feel comfortable with. It has nothing to do with who I am and what I stand for, it's just my pronouns. Thank you for this Ashley, definitely made me think :)

[thedreamsoldierful]

As a dude I think I finally understand it. One might identify themselves as he/him but even if I was born a certain sex it’d be ok to change it & can identify as whatever I want to & so can anyone else. I mean this shit is extra af but I really tried to understand it

[crumblebreadpie]

I’m born female. My gender confuses me. I thought They/them pronouns fit so I used They/Them for a while. I feel like he/him will fit better. I don’t want to really present fully male though. I’d rather look more androgynous. I’m Non-Binary.

[XxDawlishxX]

This is like a really amazingly thought out and wonderfully worded explanation.

[SteinGauslaaStrindhaug]

The "alone in a room" idea doesn't really work for pronouns, though. If I were alone in a room I would probably only use the pronouns: I, me, my if I'd refer to myself at all ;)

[elio]

I'm a demigirl and I use she/her/hers

[MT-dhtr]

I’m confused. A lady got mad because no gentleman would give up their seat on a C train in NY. She started to call them out. I’m not sure if she wanted to be treated like a woman or something else….

[miguelsandoval]

I just call people by their name and problem solved

[TheGiftofLiners]

there you go again Ashley, making us as ourselves the necessary questions that we might never have thought of otherwise. I really appreciate your insight on this subject.

I recently made the choice to stop using a chosen name for myself and go back to my given name because it no longer felt like it referred to the person that I am. I stand by this choice for myself, and I admire your reasons behind continuing to use she/her when you could change pronouns to something else. (: -Chelsea

[Nhouah]

Very interesting :D I use xe/xem pronouns but I have the similar experience than you with top surgery, I don't want it for myself but others make me feel bad about my breast associating it with femininity.