How to STOP Feeling Like Scapegoat In Narcissistic Family|Adult Children of Narcissists

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The statements on this YouTube channel or in videos are simply opinion. Content presented or posted on this channel is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment or a professional therapeutic relationship. Content presented or posted is intended to provide general health information for educational purposes only and you should contact the appropriate healthcare professional before relying on any such information.

[rascallyrabbit]

we are who they made us to be until we slowly, through our actions, become what we choose to be rather than what we were told to be. it takes actions, actions, actions to reveal our mindseta

[coachmark]

The mental gymnastics, strategies, and tactics required to tolerate toxic individuals...is the effort worth it? There is more to my day than never-ending psycho games. To them every conversation is a game, a transaction, to win. Why give them a new challenge? The toxic people in my life have a limitless capacity for this tit-for-tat silliness. I understand that not everyone can go NC, and that's heartbreaking. NC is painful because you must give up your hopes and investments toward a good relationship. But you have to face it...these people hate you...and they think it's funny that you keep coming back for more.

[starlingswallow]

Statements:

"That's your opinion"
"I choose to see things differently"
"We will have to agree to disagree"
"I hear you"
"I prefer not to engage in this conversation"

[andiplus]

Ive reached that place, where I no longer react, and let me tell u, it gets very lonely around those ppl. So, no, there is no way to not be scapegoated by them, I mean if u stop trying to connect, yes they will stop scapegoating, but then, why would u want them around ? It gets so lonely and boring too. So, no with this ppl there is absolutely no way ever, and there will never be. Fortunately not everyone is like that.

[aurielle.g]

In the Bible when Jesus was being accused he held his peace and didnt say anything or defend himself or try to get the accusers to see him differently.

Your videos Michele as well as others have helped me so much to detach from their views, but this video might be the best of all. I am breaking free. Thank you for what you do.

God also allows you to let things go and forgive. Because he forgave us of our sins. We dont have to reconcile if someone doesnt want to change, or doesn’t genuinely apologize. But forgiveness doesnt happen because people “deserve” to be forgiven. But its not about them and just like this video its about changing our mindset.

For me I think of what Joseph and Jesus went through. God allowed betrayal to happen because God had something bigger planned for them as he does me. God wants to prosper us not to harm us, but just like Joseph said in the end of Genesis. “For you meant evil unto me but God meant it for good.” Forgive them because God allowed it and has something bigger planned for you, we wrestle not against flesh and blood, its a spiritual battle and God will bring you through.

[kata]

This was wonderful advice. The most important thing is to know yourself, as was stated. Believe me, a narcissistic parent and their flying monkeys will make you question yourself and really try to make you feel crazy. It got very bad with me that I was told I was not physically sick and was making it all up but turns out I have a 1 in a million disease and suffered through 17 years of their denial. I had enough and my illness worsened and truly I don't know how, but I managed to move 2, 000+ miles away and finally am getting the Healthcare I need.
TRUST YOURSELF. You are the only one who has your interest 100% in the forefront. Don't let family and even friends (a lot are flying monkeys) convince you differently. Stay strong and be the person to save yourself. You're stronger and more resourceful than you can even fathom.

[ChuckAdams]

I left 8 months ago. I still live near my family because due to my mental illness at the time it’s not good to move. Plus work is great, and things have truly improved.

They had me pushed to my limit so many times. My alcoholism was a lot to do with them. I never attempted suicide, but they sure as heck made me want to many times.

I am now making the most money I’ve ever made. Have an amazing boss. I have a great dog, and my apartment. Many other things could be listed and I’m sharing this because I never would’ve had any of this being around them.

Thank you for your videos, and all the love and support!!!

[ginacheselka]

I Love you soooo much. You have helped me for years. This video I can relate to much. My Dad is a Narcissist and has always done this type of stuff to me. You are ALWAYS so calm. You have come far I'm beyond proud of you. Thank You!!!!

[ThomasWBaldwin]

i'm 60. they are all dead. i am the scapegoat for the TOWN OF WESTPORT, MA now. arrested and persecuted at least once a year since my mother died in 2011.

[joannabrites]

When you are not guilty of something it’s only natural to defend yourself. Because your innocent, staying quiet says your guilty to me. This is a battle that can’t be won and knowing it a head of time is a huge help. So I think standing your ground with th truth is better than being quiet.

[DosBear]

What you're talking about is the automatic urge to become defensive which only makes them seem credible as you become incensed emotionally.. Best to just drop it all together and stop dealing with them at all. I know this is difficult when it's family or very close friends but are they really worth your time if they think of you in such ways? NO they are not. You only put up with it out of a sense of obligation and would never take this from a stranger. If you want it to change you must get up and literally leave each and every time they do it and they will eventually get the message of what lines not to cross with you. It's called putting up boundaries. Make leaving your response and save yourself the headache. Peace You glasses look good on you BTW. Thanks for your input.

[TN-owyd]

agree!! your best self defence is disengaged to the projection.

[escapedgoat]

I am comfortable with my current title of escaped goat 🐐

[Lyrielonwind]

I think that adding the adjective "subjective" makes the statement stronger:
"That's your SUBJECTIVE opinion". It remains then their opinions is not a law and is not written on stone. Of course, this could inflict a narcissist injury but the other option is serving yourself on a silver tray.

[rubberbiscuit]

The need to control others is toxic. Let go of your need to control their perspective of you, and it will free you. Easy to say and very hard to pull off.

[corporaterobotslave]

I just quit speaking to anyone who tried to place me in that role. It wasn't hard because I have felt their judgment and hatred toward me for years. IT took me a long time to realize it was jealousy b/c I never feel that way, I don't understand it. I just walked away. You can do it, too. The only person I hang with from my original family now is my Mom because I have to take care of her b/c of her memory loss. Everyone else can go fly a kite.

[itz_calvin]

i wish i've known how to response and deal with my narcissist wife at least 10 years ago, i suffered from depression, anxiety and PTSD for several years and it was very severe. Now I am very fine because I knew about Narcissistic Personal Disorder and realized that it wasn't me. My wife blamed everything and anything and the fault was mine, "Because you dont do .... because you have never done.. because you .... you you you..." Even tho it wasn't about me, narcissist was so good at make me to believe. When I try to defend myself or tell her why she acting like that, she told me, "Are you being sensitive again???". Now I have learned a lot about how to deal with Narcissist so I am free from Depression, Anxiety issue and PTSD :) and looking for an opportunity to divorce

[roywillis]

AURIELLE I LOVE HOW YOU POINT OUT HOW JESUS DIDNT TRY TO GET HIS ACCUSERS SE HIM DIFFERENTLY THAT HAD SPARKED SOME GOOD ENCOURAGING WISDOM RIGHT THERE TO GET THROUGH THIS ILLNESS WE CALL NARSTSTISTIC ABUCE .I watch Michelle's videos on the subject a lot because the wisdom she dishes out on getting well is second to none a true God send and today I got some gold wisdom from you're comment ass well 😀 thank you Michelle thank you Aurielle xx

[SusanaXpeaceu]

Thank you Michele. Good video. It has taken three years to get to the point where this might be possible. I'm avoiding them atm so they don't trigger me and they're avoiding me to punish me. So no contact at the moment but I want to be able to handle it in the future.

[izawaniek]

Spot on! You have nailed it Michelle. Absolutely the case. I agree with everything you said. Thank you.