How to STOP Fighting in your Relationship!

Conflict absolutely makes or breaks your relationship. How we fight makes a HUGE difference. In this episode I talk about what relationship experts say is the best way to fight or navigate conflict in our relationships, with empathy, active listening, validation, emotional safety and consideration so that it doesn't tear us apart.

How to get HER in the MOOD (funny)
#marriageadvice #relationshipproblems #conflictresolution

[andie]

I just wanted to say thanks! My husband and i had been fighting for awhile now. At least a couple of years.... Years! Every time i would ask for something or bring something up it would evolve into a fight. Uncomfortable conversations could not happen with us because he hates talking about emotional things... It came to a head past Sunday. We got into a screaming match and he threatened to leave. And i was so fed up that i yelled back for him to just go. In that moment I really believed we were done... And thats my biggest fear is him leaving. Well the next morning we didnt speak to each other. I cant handle that either. It drives me absolutely crazy when he doesn't speak to me. I caved in and called him and i could tell that he was clearly as upset as i was. I don't think we even spoke 10 words when i called him... Not long after that i came across a clip of this video on FB and i came to YouTube to watch it. The quote you put up on the screen about how men feel attacked when their partner complains... That right there completely changed the way i was thinking about everything. It had never dawned on me that it was miscommunication and i was making him feel hurt which is absolutely never my intention. I love my husband very much and i don't want him to feel hurt like i had been. But that quote opened a door and completely changed everything. So i texted him and tagged your video and i explained to him that i didn't realize that he felt attacked or inadequate when i was asking him for something that that was absolutely not my intention. After that BOTH of our attitudes completely changed. Before, trying to talk to him was like poking at a grizzly bear with a stick... This time, He listened to me and we were able to talk through quite a few things that needed to be talked about for a very long time. We still have a LONG way to go but this is a great first step. He doesn't normally watch videos like this either but i got him tk watch with me and he said you "have some good points" lol! Thank you for your content! Please keep sharing! Thank you again! God bless!

[BarbaraLinton-kc]

Nice Video. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love him so much I can't stop thinking about him, l've tried my very best to get him back in my life, but to no avail, I'm frustrated, I don't see my life as anyone else. I've done my best to get rid of the thoughts of him, but I can't, I don't know why I'm saying this here, I really miss him and just can't stop thinking about him.

[maryuhh]

It only works if someone cares enough to compromise

[maloriedawn]

This was the most valuable couples therapy session we’ve ever been to. Hands down. I’m not actually saying you saved our marriage, but you kinda saved our marriage. 😂Thank you! 😂🎉

[kicsms_science]

I know I'm late to the party, but for anyone who happens to see this, say a prayer for me, would you? My husband agreed that if I sent him a couple of videos about healthy conflict resolution, he'd actually watch - and I'm trying really hard to be hopeful despite a lot of anxiety about this. Thank you so much!

[Backwoods-bandit]

My college girlfriend brought up the fact that our fights aren’t healthy and I love her so I’m here trying to be a better man for her

[ladydivacustomdesigns]

I shared with my boyfriend that I need affection and miss the conversations that we had before we moved in with each other and he dismissed my feelings that we talked about getting to this point, we’re here now. When I check in with him he automatically goes on the defense that something is wrong, his response is “we don’t have no problems”. I appreciate the long form video.

[purpleduck]

Thank you so much. Marriage is hard. Two completely different individuals with past traumas not knowing what love looks like, having to learn with no guidance and good examples is tough. Your channel is invaluable for those who cannot afford therapy or have partners who refuse to go or whatever reasons may be an obstacle. Sometimes just hearing someone else get it means a lot. God bless.

[QueenpreneurRachel]

Please don’t apologize for the length. You actually could have kept going. This material is very valuable. I actually discovered you on instagram because of your reels but I came over to YouTube because I wanted and needed the longer version. Hopefully the feedback is helpful

[MattRio]

I am in the same position as most of the commenters here. I am at a point where my marriage is going to end. I watched and even rewatched some parts. That were relevant. I get so defensive about everything that I never stopped and actually listened to how my wife really felt. This happened just before my youngest was born. Before that we would just talk. No yelling, no insults just simple talking and being heard. I think my wife and I just need to take the time to talk and listen to each other and be vulnerable to each other like we used to. By the way, a friend of mine suggested I watch your videos from Facebook. I appreciate you taking the time to point all this out. I think I might just be able to save my marriage. Thank you so much.

[StarlinsGhost]

One of the things I’ve learned in these types of conversations is there’s the complaint/sharing feelings/validation part of the conversation and then the solution part of the conversation, where you talk about what could be done differently in the future, or you decide together to make a lifestyle change, or you make plans for a date to happen to restore closeness, etc. I’m a person who always wants to solve the problem right away that sometimes I forget to validate the feelings of my partner. Splitting up a conversation into the feelings part and the solution part reminds me that I have two jobs: hear, respect, and validate my partner AND THEN work with them to find a solution or way to restore closeness if needed. Sometimes conflict can arise from people being in different parts of the conversation, like if I’ve already moved on to trying to find the solution, all in good intentions, but my partner doesn’t feel all the way validated yet. Trying to solve the problem too early can be a way that some partners unintentionally invalidate their partners emotions by glossing over them too quickly.

[Discinfernal]

This made me sob because it's everything I've been begging from my husband. Maybe he watches it, maybe he doesn't. I know I'm not perfect, but I put my everything into being better. I just simply don't feel my efforts reciprocated unless I have a meltdown. The stress is literally killing me and he is perfectly healthy because his needs are met. I cannot continue this course.

[GrrrlsRiot]

THANK YOU!
I hope more people start listening to you instead of all the Andrew Tates on the internet … :)

[angelastarke]

So grateful for your videos! I’ve finally realized that I can’t make my husband want to get help or work on our marriage of 18 years. He is determined to just stay in defense mode and I don’t even think he knows me at all. I’m praying for our healing and for my guidance. Thank you again for sharing and being vulnerable with your experiences. Such a blessing.

[Dustinthewind]

Apologize because it was too long? I thought that was a great video and loved every minute! Some of the things I already knew but even the things I already knew, you put into a very good perspective. My girlfriend and I call it a pause if we are getting too upset and talk later, but sometimes we forget and don’t utilize it. I’m hands-down impressed. Very good video. That is very useful resolution that I think would take relationships the distance. Thanks!

[cmalone]

I needed this so bad. I share what I’m missing with my boyfriend and he challenges me with “what about me”…. Now I’m defending what I do and we are no longer talking about what I wanted to talk about. Suddenly I feel like I am to blame for his complaint. 😢 Over it!

[QuinceyHutchings]

I think the most important part of this whole video is when you said both people have to want to be a safe place, want to be better. All this info will get us nowhere unless both sides are ready to work towards it. Thank you.

[Moneymeham]

The difference between a fight and an argument is simply this.... if your attacking one another (bringing up past or irrelevant topics to try and "win") that is a fight. An argument is focused on the disagreement or root of the concern..and mutually(in due time) comming to a resolution..

[mermaidinfinityrainbow]

Thank you this was very helpful. It's nice coming from a masculine perspective too. 😊

[rhuleg]

Mine always threatened to leave me. We are now separated. He's hurt me over and over and walking over me. I never felt secure to say how I felt hurt, etc, they were not heard. Constantly telling me I'm not good enough, etc. He will ignore me for days. I would hope we could reconcile, but I'm worried about him not truly reflecting and it not going back to the same old issues.