A Covert Narcissist's Pervasive Dishonesty

By definition, covert behaviors include disguise, cover-up, being sneaky or sly. Dr. Les Carter explains that narcissists commonly become covert because they are attempting to draw attention away from their many inner tensions. Amazingly, they will gaslight you even as they are defined by pervasive dishonesty.

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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[AlwaysStampinVideos]

The overt will lie in a way that makes someone say to themselves… “Mmmm that’s not true.” But the covert will lie in a way that makes you ask yourself, “IS that true?” And then you will doubt every single thing you ever considered to be true. When dealing with a covert, truth is whatever they choose it to be at any given moment for any given reason to benefit their situation at hand regardless of who it may effect negatively. As long as they come out shining- that’s a covert’s truth.

[debsabatino]

Their silence is lying by omission. They also rewrite history to make them look like the hero, the person with better character than everyone else, but the story doesnt sound quite right.

[lisabrigali]

Ultimately they want control. Do what they want, give them what they want, look and act the way they want. Be the object they desire. The only person in the "relationship " that matters is them. Don't ever question them. Keep up the fake facade with them. There is no self reflection, empathy, or emotional intelligence. You're dealing with an emotionally immature child that will sneak around to get what they want.

[fred.k]

These are chronically sad people, they use all the wrong remedies for their sadness, and it’s not working.

[roxymovie]

Dishonesty of a covert narc:

"I am dishonest about being humble - the truth is that I am totally egoistic and I feel jalous and envy."

"I am dishonest about my shyness - the truth is I am using it as a cover for my smugness."

"I am dishonest about any apology - the truth is that I do not feel a need to apology for anything because I am flawless for I feel omnipotent."

"I am dishonest about my emotions - the truth is that I am not able to connect for I am too fragile to be vulnerable."

"I am dishonest about my personality - the truth is that I am using many masks for my neediness for all sorts of supply."

"The truth is that I will gaslight you very subtle and in many different ways. I never lie for the truth is what is needed in any moment - to control you for this gives me protection. I need to protect my mask, my false self, honestly."

[tyremanguitars]

they triple down on lying when you suggest that they lie to you.

[amandaliverpool]

Because they tell a half truth, or omit details ( tell you what you want to hear) they insist they are not lying 🙄

[caroleminke]

It’s not a relationship but instead it’s just a manipulationship from start to finished with you

[virginiabraden]

After all the online research and coming to understand the narcissist, the main takeaway for me is that it is pointless to attempt to have a real conversation with a narcissist who places no value on truth. Under such circumstances the situation can oñly be resolved for me by total silence and blocking. I shall never again put myself into the impossible situation of trying to reason with a narcissist. When i determine someone is one, i shut the door of friendship. I would rather be alone with my cats and my projects. At least i am not wasting my time anymore.

[alexismerrilldragonqueen]

"Narcissists: They're known not for what they publicly portray themselves to be, but what they hide." That's brilliant and exactly how I see the coverts NOW that I have the knowledge.

[Joemar]

While I'm happy to see Dr. C has 731K subscribers and his likes and views are so high, it saddens me greatly to know there are so many people out there who are dealing with these sick, twisted, miserable evil people. I wouldn't wish this misery on my worst enemy! Thank God for Dr. C. Without him, I would have given up long ago!

[nji]

Pathological liars and superficial to the core! So cruel. No "feelings" but for their own fragile egos. Then, OMG Such emotionally stunted "creatures'.

[tina-jymy]

After decades of never quite putting my finger on their tactics, I'm finally understanding the gravity of how they operate. Now, just to learn how to navigate the destruction.

[EasrterRisingfan]

I was engaged to a man like this, he was unwilling to be truthful. I had no clue he was telling me lies the whole time. It is scary how easy some people find it to lie.

[Lamenade]

I guess what they are hiding from specifically - and being dishonest about, is the exact same thing that they are projecting onto you. They can't handle the emotional weight of it. They can't process it, so they play hot potato, and pass all their shame and guilt etc, onto you. They feel the relief of it. It is an addictive strategy, as it brings emotional relief. They are like someone drowning emotionally. It is a survival strategy to enable them to emotionally regulate and to avoid a narcissistic collapse . They are an emotional mess.

[Suzu]

My future nex proudly said" but most of my lying is by omission"

Dreadful people.soul killing.

[miketesla]

This is absolutely mind-boggling to someone who very highly values openness, mutual respect, and honesty like me.
It's like narcissists are another species who specifically came from HELL, as if they're NOT HUMAN !

[winter-qdyw]

You are correct. This type of Narcissist’s dishonesty always leaves the victim questioning themselves. I think that is why some of us become “detectives” or feel the need to prove or take note of what is going on or being said because we need the proof for ourselves. This adds to the exhaustion. After 42 years, I still have days where something new pops into my head and I can see that memory through a new lens and it isn’t pretty.

[roxymovie]

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.

(Plato)

[lacecurtainirish]

The covert narcissist’s dishonesty is a given considering the fact that they are incapable of being self-reflective and honest with themselves. It reminds me of the saying, “garbage in, garbage out.”