Why An Ex Reaches Out And Then Disappears

A good amount of time has gone by post breakup.
The avoidant ex falls victim to the nostalgia principle
They start daydreaming about your peak moments together
They paint you as the phantom ex, the one that got away
This causes them to reach out to you
But reaching out to you has removed your phantom ex status and they start to fear that they’ll lose whatever distance they had to protect them
Worse, is the more undivided attention they give you and more interest they feel the more they feel that their independence will be threatened
And so they bail and disappear in an attempt to regain their long sought after independence

[cmrandall]

Getting emotionally attached to an avoidant person is a recipe for constant pain. With these types of people you need to be like a cat. Enjoy them when they're around but don't miss them when they're gone.

[valentine-pr]

Jeez..let them have their precious independence and WALK AWAY!

[eggs]

Chris took 12 minutes and 23 seconds to tell me that my ex has issues & trying to make a relationship work is pointless 😂

[MarilynFinland]

They reach out because they're selfish and egoistic. Do not respond. I don't know how many times I have distanced myself from my ex and tried to move on. Just as I've started to feel better he crawls back as if he has some kind of a radar. He pretends to care just enough to stir me up emotionally after which he starts acting as if I am needy! I am so DONE with this bullshit. We need to move on, people. We deserve better than that.

[rakastellar]

My ex reached out to me after NINE years, to apologize, refer to himself as an “avoidant” and even speak to me on the phone for a lengthy period of time, telling me he missed me, chatting with me for exactly 48 hours and then ghosting me completely for no reason

[atskhan]

If it was meant to be we wouldn't be here. End of the story.

[cheedarcheese]

nowadays, my ex kept texting me nonstop after breaking up with me about 2 weeks ago. during the first week, i wanted to get back w him and did no contact. yes they alwaydndo come back after that. but im kinda over him and got sick of the constant texts. so i said insults that had been harbouring in my heart for weeks. gosh its so satisfying 🤣 i know people who watch this wanna get their ex back, but remember the reason why they left. its not worth it if they havent changed at all. live your life, do the things you have always wanted to do and glow up for you ❤️

[OiVinn-eqml]

And this is the same individual that would say they don’t okay play games

[dennischajkowski]

I just experienced that exact cycle. After 2 months of no contact, my ex reached out and asked how i was doing if im still working abroad. I answered and we wrote back and forth the whole night about out time apart from each other, and so on. And the next day i was blocked again.

[dmitryisaev]

This is really very sick how avoidants operate. Really… One can go mad having all this poured on his mind. How do they get married at all, if their tipping point is taking more responsibility upon themselves?

[DrPatrickKingsep]

Hi Chris - great video topic! Reaching out and then retreating again.... it can be confusing right? I am a Clinical Psychologist in Australia and hear this often

[lemagloria]

my ex reached out to me just to tell me to move on (while i haven't contacted him for a long time in order to heal) i got mad and told him that we broke up so what is he talkign about and he ignored me, at this point i just told myself "is that really how you portrayed your soulmate? non" so just decide to give up on him and date out with a guy who woul treat me better even if i still have feeling for my ex, nobody need to be treated like crap.

[davidallahgod]

Ex checks in, and then checks out like a hotel

[kikiwi]

It baffles me how the exact moment i move on, they come back. Its hallened 5 times, making me feel like they just know. And as soon as i let my guard down, im back into the cycle of him distancing and me chasing after him. The scary thing is how sly he is with it, he knows how to get to me

[rebeccajohnson]

Advoidant needs Space and Time distance and independent. Independent aka single.

[Mooncat]

I started off avoidant then tables reversed and he became avoidant - so I’ve managed to work on being secure and feel much stronger and won’t go back if he reaches out otherwise same old story - best to break away unless he works on his stuff if not the it’s Good bye - unlikely though he would work on his stuff

[bryanthny]

Let’s see if Nester keeps his word of wanting to “talk to me”

[kikiwi]

I legit felt like i was going to go insane after he broke up with me for a 5th time. It is absolutely disturbing and gross what they do to your mind if you really want to love them. These people need therapy. Its sick that ive given him the opportunity to do me wrong so many times. I wish i could hate him

[Scientology-The-Big-Lie]

My avoidant brutally discarded me Came back 2 years later on the heels of her latest breakup with a vague apology. Had dinner once, feigned enthusiasm then a bunch of rude or superficial texts. Feels like she reached out to me and then a couple weeks later met somebody ultimately, I just think she’s crazy.

[ooakRAREGEM]

This makes so much sense, thank you!!