Trauma Truths for Highly Sensitive People

Want to hear the truth about trauma and high sensitivity?

Listen and share the message. I’m calling BS on the trauma practitioners yelling you that trauma is creating HSP & HSC.

Sure, trauma makes a person more sensitive.

Yes, a highly sensitive child or adult is more likely to be more strongly impacted by trauma.

But the two are independent.

Never let anyone tell you that your high sensitivity is a disorder or an illness or caused by trauma.

If you are highly sensitive, you were born that way, my friend. It is an innate trait.

You can’t change it.
You can’t fix it.
You can’t treat it.
You can’t prevent it.

But who cares?
High sensitivity is an asset. All you have to do is design your life to be compatible with being more sensitive.

Of course, it would be easier if we could all go live in a monastery or in a hut in the mountains [These are my fantasies you can have your own].

Maybe it’s hard to find enough sanctuary and enough peace and quiet and enough downtime in this wild, overstimulating culture most of us are trying to navigate.

You are going to have to take care of you.
You are going to have to change your life if you aren’t thriving.
As Gail, my therapist, always says, turn first to self/inner compassion.

And as Alane always says, It might take some pretty hardcore boundaries with your family and friends and also with yourself.

You got this.💜💜💜

#trauma #traumahealing #selfcare #selflove #humanexperience #settingboundaries #iamworthy #higherawareness #hsp #highlysensitiveperson #highlysensitivepeople #empath #intuitive #introvert #sensitivechild #parenting #parentinghelp #highlysensitivechild #highlysensitiveparent #consciousparenting #respectfulparenting #responsiveparenting

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Meet Alane Freund, LMFT, International Consultant on High Sensitivity

Did you know you were signing up for this? Hey, as long as we are willing to take charge, we can work with trauma in all of these scenarios. If you are currently working with trauma, it is absolutely critical that you have a qualified, HSP-friendly mental health provider supporting you in my opinion.

[jonkas]

Age 21 I suddenly lost my ability to read. 45 lbs intracranial pressure, TBI. Took years for me to be able to read an entire page in 15 minutes and understand it. Academics was out of the question. So in my mid twenties, I fell into the machine shop trade. People couldn't see my trauma. And when I asked people to repeat themselves two or three times as I struggled to process information, they would get in my face and scream at me. For a long time, I hated life. Now I'm 52 and a master at my craft. People ask me questions and I help them. Life is good.

[teriehefner]

I was sick as a baby and was in the hospital for a year. I was admitted at 9 months old, and I almost died from FSGS kidney disease. I grew up in an abusive alcoholic home. I was the youngest child and was left alone a lot of the time growing up. I have always been an HSP. I just didn't know. I feel everything, and I'm hypervigillant. I get so exhausted around people. I used antidepressants for years. I have been off of them for a year now. I allow myself to feel my feelings just as they are. I cry a lot because I feel so touched by things. I feel them very deeply. I'm ok with being me. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us.

[hopepeace]

I have only even heard about HSP in the past year, I wish I had known much sooner. I always felt I was different, on the outside looking in. I grew up in an abusive family, a lot of yelling, inappropriate actions, physical abuse at times. I wanted to be independent, because my mother was stuck in an abusive marriage and never thought she could make it on her own, when I was about 14 yrs old, the abuse was just getting worse and my mother finally had my father served with divorce papers, unfortunately I was the only one home at the time and he came stomping into the bedroom shaking the papers in his hand and screaming, "look what your stupid mother has done now!" then threw the papers at me, I was terrified. My father shaped up for a bit, which abusers will do to regain control, and they did not get divorced, even at that age I told my mother I would get a job and help. I ended up going to school and getting my BSN, and worked for almost 40 yrs as an oncology nurse, until I just burned out completely, I think I may have chosen another occupation or at least gotten out of in patient oncology nursing. Being a nurse is already a very emotionally and mentally straining profession, and working with seriously ill adult patients is also very physically demanding. I always wondered why my fellow nurses seemed to handle the losses and suffering better than me, they could compartmentalize, while with me it spilled over into my life in dreams and obsessive thoughts about my patients and their families suffering and loss. I hope others can figure out if they are HSP to enable them to better understand themselves and take care of themselves.

[pardist]

Yes for me disturbing experiences are heightened as there's so much depth in meaning in people's actions that it's hard for me to forgive too, but on the surface I look completely fine. Like nothing is bothering me when it is.

[Sereneis]

Bipolar, neglected child, bullied, c-ptsd, HSP...70 yrs old...thanks, Alane!

[Kiez]

I MOST DEFINITELY was mercilessly bullied in elementary school, by both the known bullies and even by some teachers and staff who didn’t understand my sensitivity as a male HSP growing up in American society and culture. I’m 💯 % on board with a fellow commenter who asked you to PLEASE acknowledge that bullying truly happens in the lives of HSP children, often to an even greater extent than the other 80% of children.

While we May take more things to heart and interpret certain comments to be bullying, being consistently and repeatedly smacked in the back of the head by the bully behind me in fourth grade math class every time the old and oblivious teacher would turn her back, definitely was not my over-sensitive interpretation of a comment. I Also was relentlessly bullied the years before, and after, specifically by teachers when I would often become ill and was not believed when I’d go to the nurse complaining about a major headache in third grade. The school nurse sent me back to class, only to have me embarrassed by vomiting all over my desk. She walked me back down the hall telling me “you just can’t do anything right, can you, ” as she pulled me by my shirt collar. A week later, I was diagnosed with viral encephalitis, a virus that was attacking my brain. I was asleep for three months straight and was lucky to awaken, yet was unable to walk. I had to relearn to walk at age 8. Four children were diagnosed with the same viral encephalitis in the state, and I was one of the two who survived. I continued to be bullied upon my return, by children and teachers who treated me differently and made fun of me due to my need for medication for the severe asthma I was lucky to have, leaving me with bad breath before lunch after the inhalers would leave powders in my throat causing me to have bad breath.

So PLEASE, don’t go telling ANY parents, especially those of HSP children that their child reporting bullying is not truly being bullied. In fact, due to our tendency not to keep quiet and not report incidents and to be able to tolerate more pain and humiliation, when we finally DO complain and report, it’s often because it’s SO intolerable that we are having trouble coping. I hope you’ll take my comment to heart Alane, as I respect and revere your work and was disappointed to hear you state not to take bullying seriously when reported by HSP children.

[marylindasmith]

I have been around some "mean girls" in the prophetic area (which I love and am drawn to) of Christianity. I have had a lot to process over my life (critical, controlling mom) and I've become pretty transparent w/ people or groups I thought were safe. Wrong. I have been called over analytical (too much in my head to flow in the prophetic, I guess). And even a few months ago, when I was with a small group of friends from our core group at a special get together w/ a healing evangelist (this was done for several of us who have extensive physical problems and diseases, though no one was healed that I know of), the hostess (with whom I've also been in an intercessor group at church) abruptly and very loudly started (almost screaming) BUT, BUT, BUT, BUT, etc., etc. directly at me, and that I was always saying this (or something to that effect). What I think she meant is that sometimes I equivocate in my speech, which I believe I developed because of not wanting to be judged if I was wrong about something. While I've overcome and forgiven the childhood stuff, part of the "debris field" is that I can hardly bear to be criticized, especially over trivial things. She also grew up w/ a difficult mother and was adopted. So I was pretty shocked, as well as embarrassed when this took place. This tirade went on for a bit and I, at some point, went somewhere else in my head, not being able to deal w/ it. What she doesn't know is that I've recognized that I do this "caveat way of speaking" sometimes and have worked hard to pick up on it and not do it. For example, I might state something, and then say, "but I could be wrong". I tried to speak to her about it a week or two later as I just couldn't seem to shake what happened, very gently, asking what she meant when she said this that night. And then I supplied (I should have waited for her to answer) that maybe I was equivocating and that's what she meant? I never got anything concrete from her and really didn't want to push it, as this core group has been very loving and fun and we really enjoy being w/ them. And that makes me feel hypocritical because even though this person mistreated me (if you are going to try to correct a person, do it gently and hopefully w/ a modicum of understanding, maybe asking a few questions first), I still want to be w/ our group, which she and her husband host. Btw, after this happened he came by where we were sitting that night and tried to mitigate what his wife had done by saying that it was done because they loved me so much. I said, without thinking, that what he had just said was the only reason I could take it. He's made it clear for a long time that he truly cares about me and likes me, probably because when I first met him, I listened intently to his testimony and we just had a nice visit in the vestibule of our church. But the truth is, while I forgive, it has somewhat changed the relationship, particularly w/ the wife. I can't understand a person who would be so incredibly rude to a friend! I would never even think of treating someone that way! So, what do I do w/ these unpleasant incidents that come up from time to time? It makes me want to never share anything personal, even though that's not the kind of person I am. I hate that this has happened. And at almost 75, I don't feel like taking on any more arrows, especially from type A sorts who seem to think pretty highly of themselves (true of each person that has done it). Whether this post is answered or not, thanks for wading through it!

[LisaBarstowMusek]

I HAD NO IDEA THERE WAS SOMETHING CALLED HSP and it's genetic! After three years of various therapies You have OPENED MY EYES and vindicated so much of my shame, guilt and life-long inferiority which caused me to OVERachieve just to feel acceptable.. Your descriptions fit me to the letter. Thank you for this life changing information!
I'm a 58 year old female and just found your google talk; and now of course I'm seeking out more information. I was known as the weak one in the family, but very loving, empathetic, but full of worry and much too sensitive about everything--of course never knowing it was a real thing.
We had a tiger mother, high drama, high expectations and when I cried as a child mom said -- as your teacher said -- I'll give you something to cry about. Sometimes mom just got in my face and barked, "Swallow it." She was very affectionate much of the time and highly volatile much of the time. I felt like I lived on top of a time bomb, never knowing "which version of mom" I'd get on any given day.
I've been on a two-plus year mental health and self awareness journey, I've finally come to see that for me, childhood--though wonderful in many--was traumatic with lasting impact on my emotional and mental health. But HSP is at the core of who I am. Thank you for your work!

[andynixon]

At the age of 55 I've only just discovered the HSP idea and it fits me like a glove - it answered all my questions. But growing up with an unstable mum and an aggressive sociopathic dad left its mark on a young HSP mind . Most therapists don't seem to factor HSP into their diagnosis at all though, I'm not sure they're even aware of it and wrongly assume all issues are due to trauma .

[melliecrann-gaoth]

I was different in small ways in a very abusive home- my vulnerability singled me out for special treatment- of the adverse kind. I knew from a very early age that what my parents were doing was wrong.

[Blairsquig]

The definition of an HSP:

Hearing someone who identifies as an HSP talk about their difficult high school and medical experiences . . and tearing up over their descriptions.

Thank you Alane for making it okay to be highly sensitive.

[AC_.-]

Appreciate your work, Alane. I recently discovered you through your Google talk video. I have a lot of trauma as well, and only recently discovered I am an HSP. I believe this discovery will be life-changing for me.

[JenniferRibiat]

I love that you called the Dr out!!! I've just recently came across this video. I am currently doing EMDR for my complex trauma and i am an Empath and also HSP. Didn't learn this until age 50!!
I'm on my healing journey now....I am grateful

[percubit]

I was bullied for a long time and I am very stressed and emotionally spent.

[rowanstarling]

I have heard this too, but the person I heard it from said that some are born with it, and some are created through trauma. Let me give you an example here of why they share similarities both not entirely. I was physical abused as a child, neglected and emotional needs were not met, which led to relationship trauma, which I'm in therapy (diagnosed with cptsd and anxiety) for right now. I am an HSP with cptsd, my sister and I shared same childhood trauma, and she has just as much relationship trauma as I do, but she is NOT an HSP. She is the one who has been telling me for 30 years that I'm too sensitive. I was given Elaine Aron's book in therapy about 16 years ago and I felt so much relief. I thought something was wrong with me, but now I understand it is a gift. I find that small slights that most people would shrug off plague me, especially when I'm in a dysregulated state.

[sabbymg]

Thank you for giving examples of small t trauma. I’ve spent the last 30 years repeating what other people say, “I’m just too sensitive, ” but hearing examples that these small traumas also impact us and are valid, in addition to the more complex trauma, is so helpful. Thank you!

[marylindasmith]

I guess I missed the quote that's your'e fave, but just your talking about movies and HSPs reminded me immediately of Joy Luck Club. I have never wept and sobbed at a movie like this one, ever! I remember going to a restaurant afterward w/ my husband and I still was weepy and trying to hold it together. Some of your "little'" traumas as a child reminded me of some things I also experienced. I've always felt things deeply and processed deeply, so I guess I'm an HSP. So many other things that point to this, too.

[v.j.l.]

I was a young child in the 50s when TV was new. My mother told me that she had to be very careful what was on TV in the evening, because if there was anything scary or strange, I would wake up with bad dreams. Thankfully, she was aware.

[DoofenSpyroDragon]

Dang, your broken arm story hits me HARD, I nearly cried!! I have had health issues my whole life and have had to deal with so many doctors and nurses that aren’t caring or just rush things with me, like even as simple as a shot, having been rushed and even held down as a child was majorly traumatic. Now every time I see a needle on tv or a medical scenario or hear someone talking about it, I will wince, tense up and basically have a panic attack.

[andreac]

Thank you so much, I identify as an HSP 100%, read the book(s), took the test, and more...
One thing related to bullying, you said that HSP's are not bullied, we only perceive it as bullying because we are sensitive. I think this statement can be very dangerous, as "real" bullying does actually happen with everyone, and dare I say that HSP children might be even more prone to being bullied because we are perceived as being "different". So someone might listen to this and when their child tells them that they were bullied, they will just dismiss the child because surely he/she only perceives it as bullying and it can't be. Just wanted to add this as someone who went through this (though I haven't even told my parents, as they were already so preoccupied by trying to do everything so that I "fit it" and "why am I not the other children").