How We Lie to Ourselves

We are masters at knowing how to lie to ourselves. We pay a heavy price for this self-deception.

FURTHER READING

“Truly good people are always ready and even, at times, highly enthusiastic about telling lies. This sounds odd only because we are in the grip of a heroic but indiscriminate and delusional addiction to truth-telling…”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Nick Hilditch

[ODdm]

Am I the only one who really, really appreciate the silence/no music calm atmosphere of the school of life videos? It's refreshing and relaxing especially now every youtuber have a loud dupstep song for an intro.

[MacgyverFreitas]

1 - Distraction/addiction
2 - Manic Cheeriness
3 - Irritability
4 -Denigration
5 - Censoriousness
6 - Defensiveness
7 - Cynicism, Despair

[autumnheart]

The School of Life makes me cry sometimes. This is one of those times. I feel like I have been lying to myself for so long, and in such creative ways, that I might never stop.

[Gallzatron]

Number 1. Distraction/addiction. How ironic, that I'm watching this and smoking weed instead of getting work done.

[SuperGreatSphinx]

"I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me."

― S. E. Hinton, The Outsiders

[isabellabornberg]

now a 'how to be honest to oneself' please✨

[pantro]

thank you school of life, it migth sound stupid, but by watching your videos, i understand myself better and i approach things from different angles.
gracias

[FreshHeat]

THIS CHANNEL DESERVES A GOD DAMN AWARD

[ang]

These videos make me feel like I'm going to earn a PhD in psychology lol

[SikhTranslations]

Solution: Accept that you lie to yourself in these ways and catch yourself in the middle of them. Reject them as lies and accept the truth.

[kickhuggy]

this is funny because now I understand myself more, but I still give in to my whims, so I'm not actually any better

[stagnantfox]

I often lie to people I care about because I do not want to go through potential pain from rejection. Secretly I wish I could be 100% honest to myself towards others

[ClydeHidershaj]

We see fear as fundamental, but I think it's a consequence of ignorance. We don't fear the things we understand.

[bolivar]

I called my mother to say happy new year and this is what she said right away:

" You are all deaf and blind."
She means all my brothers and sisters and my humble self. She said that whatever we believe that we have achieved in life in terms of success etc. is all worthless, since non of us is following the real path, the religious path. Well, as always, she wasn't kind at all, but I have found something poetic in that statement.

Indeed it is good to have someone in your life ( no matter how malicious) to tell you that you are deaf and blind. People who love you don't tell you these things... And may be not in the way that she means it, but in ways that you are not yet able to perceive, you are blind for sure... And some things you start to see, blind you to other things too...
All this is to say that we need constant reminders, so that we can be as open as we can to the world and as honest as we can with ourselves.

One very powerful reminder would be the novel, " The Death of Ivan Ilyich"by Tolstoy.

Especially the 9th chapter of that book is unforgettable . Just a very short chapter where Ivan lies all alone and in terrible pain in his bed. He suddenly hears the voice of his own soul saying:

-What do you want? What do you want?

He says:

-What do I want? To live and not to suffer.

So his inner voice says:

- To live? How?

- To live as I used to- well and pleasantly.

- As you lived before, well and pleasantly?

Here is how Tolstoy continues:

" And in imagination he began to recall the best moments of his pleasant life. But strange to say none of those best moments of his pleasant life now seemed at all what they had then seemed_ none of them except the first recollections of childhood. There, in childhood, there had been something really pleasant with which it would be possible to live if it could return. But the child who had experienced that happiness existed no longer: it was like a reminiscence of somebody else. As soon as the period began which had produced the present Ivan Ilyich, all that had then seemed joys now melted before his sight and turned into something trivial and often nasty".

So as he keeps looking back on his life his thoughts become darker and darker. He basically realises that his entire life had been a LIE, he lived for what the others expected from him; for money, power and status etc.. He wasted the time given to him in this world and now there is no way back!

Indeed we all must keep Ivan Ilyich in mind every day. Just consider how fast the time goes by.... How much of it do we really spend seriously thinking about our lives? Very little indeed... Because it requires a certain level of focus and depth and COURAGE, which we don't have most of the time. That's why this scene is a great reminder. So it may be a good idea to have a kind of " death bed exercise", where we can use the very questions that Ivan Ilyich's soul was asking him. It can really help us to live a more honest and fulfilled life.

Thanks a lot for this very valuable lesson and for the great animation!

[pattycake]

I love your channel. you are the lightbulb being turned on in a dark, overcrowded room. that needs a much needed light to navigate. I want to thank you.

[chosensamurott]

This is what ive been looking for. Im tired of people saying DONT GIVE UP JUST LOOK AT THE BRIGHT SIDE. No find a way to deal with ur problems. I love you The School Life

[chandlerhart]

The mantic cheeriness is me. Omg all the time what I'll do is I'll fake laugh. Or I'll smile to myself, or I'll watch a funny video or talk to a friend, and just be fake overly cheery and happy/laughy. To hide my depression and laziness. This video made me realize what I was doing, thank you so much dude.

[tubsie]

This video has a very powerful message. I have first-hand experience with all of these conditions, and because of my repetitive lying to myself, I've slowly developed major symptoms of depression.
I intentionally distract myself and my life has come to a point where I tell myself (as in speak up loudly when no one else is around) that the only reason I'm doing most things anymore, is to distract myself.

I have lost interest is most things, I have absolutely no hobbies, my emotional state is unstable and my mood swings are random and rapid, sometimes I get frustrated without knowing the cause and start crying.
I have multiple personas: two major ones are one for my personal life with family and blood relatives and the other for people who I meet in college or any other place through my own connections. The personal one is where I'm rude, cynical, easily irritable. And my other persona is mainly me being overly cheerful and always forcing myself to smile.
It's come to a point where I don't even know whether a trait is actually a part of my personality or something I'm forcing myself to do.

And even though I'm fully aware that my life and mental state is in turmoil because of me lying to myself, I can't bring myself to stop doing it. I can't find the motivation or the power to actually be honest; mainly because right now I'm in no position to solve my problems. I, sometimes, wish for a friend or someone who'd just let me talk about everything without judging me or telling me to stop whining. I really want someone to help me out, because I can't seem to pull myself out, even though I'm pulling myself ahead and barely functioning as a human.

I know that I could go to a therapist but where I live, if I go to the therapist after my abandoning my concern for the stigma it carries, and if I honestly tell my feelings and thoughts to the therapist, they'll tell my family everything, there wouldn't be any confidentiality.
And if I was okay with telling my family the kind of stuff that goes on in my mind, I wouldn't have wished for someone to talk to.

So it's nice being told that even though the problems I have might not be something everyone is going through, the current major reason of my problem is something most people have to deal with on different scales, and I'm not alone.

[thevinve]

This reinforced the idea that things I complain about repeatedly are often things I do

[felipemoitta]

School of Life, you are amazing. It's astonishing to me how good your videos are, and how consistently you do them. Each accomplishment would be remarcable on their own, but to do them together, always and always good, that's a feat few have been able to perform.
My sincere thanks, for making my life a little better, for allowing and pushing me, ever so beatifully, to reflect and ponder the right or good questions, to walk your talk and be an example, thank you for existing!