Staying stuck or moving forward | Dr. Lani Nelson Zlupko | TEDxWilmington

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences. Dr. Lani Nelson-Zlupko is the founder of LNZ Consulting and an Adjunct Associate professor at the University of Pennsylvania. She received her bachelor's degree from Harvard University and her master's and doctorate from the University of Pennsylvania. Lani is a solution-oriented therapist, consultant and researcher who specializes in transition management. Her treatment strategies have become a training model for mental health professionals across the country. Her research has been published in several leading psychiatric and social work journals. In addition to mental health counseling for individuals, couples, and families, Lani provides coaching and training to individuals and corporations regionally and nationally. She helps Fortune 500 companies as well as struggling non-profit associations to manage crises, plan for and effect transitions, manage and redirect difficult people, and effectively lead the people they serve. Dr. Nelson-Zlupko works as a bridge between scientific findings and real life people. She resists the notion that people’s problems are rooted in personal flaws, or that standard talk therapy is sufficient for change. She believes skills can and do transform mood, behavior, relationships, and organizations. She is passionate about her work and believes that well-adjusted, confident people are the backbone of each generation.

About TEDx, x = independently organized event In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

[Connorwhatever]

Hah yeah, i got stuck. My mom was mad and kicked me out to my dad's at 16 (messy divorce). I lived alone in my dad's house for 7 months until he decided me and him were gonna move in with his gf. Gf is unhappy with me (i was unhappy there anyway) and she wanted me out. Moved in w my boyfriend and his parents for a few months (still unhappy).
During all this time i felt horrible because i was living with people who either didnt want me there, that i didnt want to live with or both. But i couldnt just "get a place". It took me a over a year to find a house for myself. Now at 18 I have my own tiny studio appartment and let me tell you, i finally felt like i moved on from it all.

[hemar]

TURN (into different direction)
LEARN (new strategies)
MOVE

[Roseenmarie]

I've done what she says and it works. Problem: narc ex moves in over the road and bombards me with abuse. Solution: move, block, create new life with plenty of self care. Result: happier than I have ever been!

[samuel]

As a person who has struggled with depression and have been stuck most of my life, this is the best and most effective Ted Talk I've heard. Thank you so much.

[Ezm]

Most of the people I know who are stuck have trouble deciding what to do next. They are stuck in a cycle of indecision. When they do decide something to do, the moment they fail, they quit. So I view "stuck" as a failure-indecision cycle.

[_pudu]

You’re gonna turn, you’re gonna learn and you’re gonna commit. Meaning you’re gonna turn away from focusing on the problem, turn toward the opposite, what you want, and create a solution. You’re gonna learn from trial and error, and most importantly stay committed because it will be challenging and you may slip up, but you can keep moving forward. One right step and then the next.
An additional tip I learned from Hassan Minhaj: do the hardest thing you can today. And that doesn’t mean like go start ur business or get into shape, but a goal that is achievable within one calendar day. Like maybe working for 45 minutes on a business plan, or apologising to the person you had a fight with, or going for a 25 minute walk.

[AmyFerguson]

A body in motion tends to stay in motion.
It's always easier to move once you are already moving.
It doesn't matter if you think it's not exactly the direction you want to be moving or that you don't know what direction you want to be moving.
Just move.
It's easier to change direction from there.

[KatesTeaTime]

Her talking is so clear. She is confident and structured which reflects in her speech. I also think this talk is informative and helpful.

[SuperRandomrap]

Don't ever put power into other people's hands about your life!

[MisteRRYouTuby]

I was stuck...until I heard this. I'll need to hear this more times and also to make a plan of action to move forward; away from my 'autopilot' mentality and into a conscientious step-by-step direction...with God as my Pilot. This will help in my finances too.

[rrfirefly]

Great message with great presentation. // One image stuck with me: little children learning to tie their shoes. We forget that we have all gone through that. The image is so beautiful: a little mind guiding little hands to master a task that at first seems complicated, if not impossible. But at some point it happens -- the look on a child's face when this trick is mastered is priceless.

[kimkimmy]

I was stuck and accepted he hurt me many times… Now I get power to move on ! 💕
Thank you so much🙏🏻❤️

[BorClaire]

Persistence is a crucial part of moving forward. I need to remember this as being positive for a short period is easy but becoming an everyday habit is not easy.

[robertsantangelogroup]

Great talk. Ego, fear and pride are exactly what hold most people back in life!

[firstfallingsnow]

Turn,
Learn, and
Committ to always moving forward.

[marionmonroe]

Chronic uniqueness is a red flag.. everything is manageable if I steer clear of embracing the temptation of entertaining my chronic uniqueness.. I love also what was said about not putting power in other people’s hands.. good stuff!! 🙌🏼

[ariadnewolf]

YES! When you're stuck, turn away from the problem and move your energy. If you can't run, walk or swim or do yoga. If you're me and you seriously want romance in your life but you struggle with it, you need to redirect your energy towards learning the skills that are the building blocks for what I want.
Right?

[winonadaphne]

she is such an eloquent speaker, i really admire that about her

[ms.knowledgeall]

'Learned Helplessness' is a condition created when one suffers from a traumatic experience or persistent failure to succeed; it is a continuing sense of powerlessness in the brain that can be treated- depending on the persons thoughts, physical or mental actions to overcome the continuous thoughts of feeling powerless. Talk therapy and many other types of self help can/will work if the person actually "tries" and believes they can overcome this feeling.

[GeraldLewis-gyvk]

I'm JUST KEEPING The FAITH day in day out I recommend this for YOU ALL