Woke Jesus

Want proof that Jesus was a woke socialist? Look no further than these classic quotes straight from the Bible.

#comedy #bible #woke #jesus #christian #methodist #unitedmethodist

[valgardener]

"And the man went away sad. For he was very white."

[drewelliott]

Only half of Americans realize this is a satire.

[cmoto]

He forgot "Blessed are the Democrats for they will not be prosecuted."

[clyyoung]

"He will live on... through this mail-in ballet" 😂

[jonathanclemens]

And they said unto him, "Lord, how many times should we be vaccinated? Seven times?" And he answered them "Nay, but rather seventy times seven."

[gugan_]

Getting called a femboy by Jesus is literally the worst thing imaginable.

[sn]

This isn't even satire at this point. They genuinely act like this.

[smallparticlelinda]

"The man went away sad, for he was very white"
Poor guy😂😂😂

[trevorwhat]

It’d be even funnier if it wasn’t *exactly* what’s now being promulgated.

[lanngunn]

"My Lord, how can I be saved."
"Be less white " 😂💀

[paulraz]

So good to use humor to point out stupidity. Comedians used to do that all the time when our country had a sense of humor. Well done.

[BiggMo]

If I had a dollar for every gender today, I’d have 2 dollars and a bunch of counterfeits.

[ManoloVintage]

Jesus sailed across the lake across from Galilee. As soon as he stepped ashore, he saw a naked man. Jesus immediately asked him, "What are your pronouns?"
The man replied, "They, Them, and Legion."

[warholcow]

So funny but sad because this is literally how they are.

[DanielJakub]

Woke Jesus would have condemned the crippled man as ableist for wanting to walk again.

[NinjaFlibble]

Innacurate.

Woke Jesus would still be naming genders today.

[unsinnkim]

"I merely stole it from that village over there"
🤣🤣🤣

[devindaniels]

Legend has it that Jesus is still listing genders to this day.

[Dan_Rodrigues]

Oh! The "legendary Jesus" who lives in the minds of leftists.
Don't do drugs, kids.

[DRAKKENFIRE]

To a leftist, this isn’t satire…it’s a documentary!