Top Notch Couples Keep the Spark AliveWeekly Review 25

25 Accept influence.
When I say something, do my needs matter to you?

Due to the nature of our relationship, will you allow my opinion to matter, or do we have to do it your way all the time and whatever you say goes? Is it your way or the highway?

Gottman has researched what happens when a man does not accept influence from his significant other.

They divorce, eventually.

She will put up with being a second-class citizen for a while, then leave or make him leave, but it will not last forever. He may have won that battle and lost the war.

Women, in our society, have been trained to accept the influence of the man.

Men, in our society, have not always reciprocated. When they do not reciprocate, the message they send is that they are in power and it becomes a power play. Do not question my authority. Do it my way. Even if they do not use those words, which is what is heard by the audience. Good to know, now adjust accordingly.

Are you a team, partners, equal or are you in charge, now and forever? Most healthy people get tired of that power play.

My goal is to challenge you think and challenge your own belief systems. How often is your thinking wrong? Are you brave enough to admit (even to yourself) that you are wrong and then change your thinking? When someone has a better idea, are you strong enough to get your ego out of the way? When someone asks you to change something that is bothersome, do you dig in or do you have enough humility to do the right thing?
Are you someone who bullies your partner?
Do you cop out and justify your poor behavior or are you someone who is interested in improvement, in being better than you are now?
This is hard work and thank you for being open to my influence thus far. Keeping an open mind, discerning what is right for you instead of dismissing it out of hand will help you in your relationships.

All the best- oh and this is week twenty five which means we are approaching 6 months of these videos. Thank you for taking the walk with me and being open to growing.