How To OUTSMART The Traumatizing Liar -Psychotherapy Crash Course

A pathological liar can be very difficult to live with.

Pathological lying (PL) has been defined by the Psychiatric Times as a “long history (maybe lifelong history) of frequent and repeated lying for which no apparent psychological motive or external benefit can be discerned.”

There is no real consensus on what pathological lying is and many people have developed their own definition. Pathological lying is something that has negatively affected many people, even professionals, who are often unaware of the psychiatric instability or personality disorder of the liar. (Some pathological liars may be psychopaths as well.)

For example, in one of my previous articles, I focused on Judge Patrick Couwenberg, a Superior Court Judge of California, who was a pathological liar after repeatedly telling lies while serving the public. The former Judge maintained the lie that he was:

A Caltech graduate,
A wounded war veteran, and
A CIA operative in the 1960s
All of these statements were easily identified by his peers as unreliable and inconsistent, but Couwenberg continued to evade others. He was later removed for “willful and prejudicial misconduct” for lying about attending Caltech. This level of education was critical to his Judicial position.

A pathological liar can be anyone in your life. It can even be a respected person in your community.

I welcome your comments and questions!

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I'm Támara, a licensed and nationally certified mental health therapist, with over 12 years experience. I specialize in helping children, teens, and families with mental illness. I also treat psychological/emotional trauma in children, teens, and adults.

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[TherapistTamaraHill]

Do you think these tips can actually be out into action?

If this video was helpful please like, share, and comment.

[thatlittlehomestead]

I agree with everything accept calling them out. There’s no point all they will do is make up more lies and gaslight these people are simply not capable of being truthful to resolve anything.

[PriscillaEm]

I needed this. I am at my lowest point married a horrible person and am now finding positive strength to start my escape. Thankyou.

[tamila]

Calling liars out has not worked in my situation, all i get is more lies. Living with one is killing my soul

[Bornintoclusterb]

5:05 you just described word for word one of my experiences at work. It’s awful to be on the receiving end of this behavior, especially when perpetrated by many people at once. Extremely traumatizing.

Which is why when I stumbled upon this quote, I felt tremendous healing:

“Even if you are in a minority of one, the truth is the truth.” - Mahatma Gandhi

[Emile-philia]

If they are especially narcissistic I think these tips work even better. Not only can you tone it down and appear easy to fool, but they actively fool themselves with their own grandiosity.

[broloc]

Everything you said about a Pathological Liar is exactly true.... Omg you're right on point.. That's exactly how this person is that I know. Just turns to a endless argument, a big circle.... It's freakin hard dealing with a person like that...

[yendayo]

The tip about Dont argue is spot on.
I just had to deal with this silly lie, took me the whole day trying to fix her lie, and still kinda dragging on in my mind. It was extremely draining to argue with them. You show them the proofs right in their face and they still lie. It's so insane.

[constanceantone]

This has helped me so much. I have found so much peace by this video. I am dealing with a close family member with these traits and it has been extremely disruptive to my life and close family relationships. Again thank you so much for you videos.

[TheOceangirl]

I'm moving out of my mom's house this week because she's a pathological liar. It's intense but your videos specifically are helping me through. Like a LOT. Thank you❤

[marinacapri]

I have a sister who is a pathological liar!She was always a very insecure person growing up together as kids. She always told lies on me.
For example: One day when we were in high school she told a horrible lie that I had gotten into a car accident and had passed away! I was going to a different school when she did this but the word has gotten back to my grandmother and she immediately called our mom to see if it were true and she was very upset that my sister could say that. She has been very jealous of me all her life and I finally had to stop talking to her all together!

[briellehunter]

It sucks being accused of a lie, but worse when you come up with unarguable facts that can prove the accusation is both stupid and false, they say, “No, that’s not what I said, I said this……” (another lie). You can’t resolve anything because they thrive on conflict.

[Tina_K]

When I was younger, I would get very upset with perpetual and pathological lies, not so much the liar, which I find odd even today. Today I manage to distance myself, I still feel that grrr feeling but I just take a deep breath and remove myself from that persons presence.


Funny enough, I have caught myself in pathological lies as well, especially as a teenager and young adult: I lied to my mother often. Because if I told her the truth (that I'm afraid of her and I prefer anywhere else than near her) she would exploit that like you wouldn't believe it, use it against me, poke at me, rage at me for hours, silent treatments, threats. So whenever I came home late because I just didn't want to go home I lied to her. "Oh the bus was late, traffic jam, train cancelled" etc.
When I'm sick as an adult, I still have that fear, especially pertaining to work. I feel like I'm not going to be believed, not even with a doctor's note, I always expect a cruel or vindictive backlash for missing a day of work. I realize that's not a fear based in reality, not todays reality. But it grips me every time.

[Yolduranduran]

I totally played Colombo. I always questioned the lies because they did not add up, ever. And, I literally would freeze my face so that I would not show expression. Inside of me I was saying to myself “ what an f*ing stupid lie!”.

[kathybishoff]

Thank you so much for this! I’m dealing with a very difficult situation involving someone lying about me. I am devastated by this because the consequences will impact the life of a vulnerable person with no voice. Thank you for these tips!

[MikeHunt-fucm]

I hope you're doing well. I am going thru hell right now and am alone. Ur videos are sadly my connection to any reality rn. I know I'm not crazy but this girl who had my kid is gaslightly, has bpd, and lies like a rug. I'm so exhausted and sad. U r a breath of fresh air. Thank u....SO much. Lots of love and respect

[VladTheImpaler-kz]

I was listening to one of my relatives this morning tell me a whole bunch of lies but I was also reading in-between the lines too so to an extent he serves a purpose but what keeps me ahead is, I stay quiet and cordial and downplay what I know (instead of "reacting" like they expect)!

[rasberryfields]

They never take responsibility! Love Columbo! He knew how to "play the game" and win!❤

[bethsimm]

Im just speechless and looking forwardwars to the next one as its making things so clear now. Thank you 💞

[khadijahtek]

This is like giving in and surrendering to me well that's what I thought at first. I'm a survival of two wars (2 path liars). I suffered a lot and have lost many things because I was fighting back, I seek truth as an INTJ personality. practical realistic with no empathy, very short tempered but i have a good endurance and energy to fight back. The reality I became meaner and turned into an evil so I was able to get them out of my life for good. It's not something I'm proud of. An unhealthy mindset affected my daily life. Now I hardly trust people or believe what they say. I'm cynical and I care less.
Thank you so much for your help. Best way is to keep calm controlling the situation and dealing with it in a practical organized and composed way. That's how healthy our personality should be.