What You Should Know About Dark Empathy

An essential ingredient in healthy relationships is empathy, the ability to know and understand others from their perspective. Dr. Les Carter describes how narcissists, in their desire to exploit, can give the impression of empathy when it really is not. Their pseudo-empathy is accompanied by dark motives. Once you understand the nature of dark empathy, you can set the necessary boundaries.

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, Tx. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.

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Twitter: Surviving Narcissism @SNarcissism101
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[malloryjoiner]

Oddly enough a quote from John Travolta that stuck with me comes to mind. He said something to the effect of, ‘Just because someone is a nice person doesn’t mean they are a good person.’ I think that is SO important to remember because sometimes we really need someone just to freaking be nice to us. A narcissist can smell this like a shark can smell blood in the water. And they will be nice to you... for a price, a pretty steep one, but they will never be good to you. Don’t get it twisted. 🤞✊🍀

[specialk]

They can control their anger, when witnesses are around

[shiny]

Be careful if a person says "I am an empath". A real empath, authentic person doesn't have the feeling of proving himself/herself by words..

[karolinagren]

They are super tuned into you when they are reeling you in, but once they've caught the fish, they will not show they're into you anymore. Devaluing sets in.

[Mehmet-rwbu]

I think playing the victim is basically being self impressed. They think and say, "Look, I suffer so much more than you do, so what do you have to complain about anyway?"

[catnc]

Boy, I needed this video 30 years ago!!! 😭 Good in spite of it all: a beautiful son and two grandsons.

LESSON LEARNED: Go slow, and don't ignore red flags.

[shewins]

This is exactly what’s happening in a situation with a “friend”. They can act like they care, but they don’t go in deep with your feelings. They will show only surface empathy. You pick up on it the more awakened you become. You then start to be repelled by them at the same time now honoring your intuition and feeling proud for having done so. Finally.

[saratemp]

One really good sign of a narc is that they seem to gloat in treating past partners badly. Listen to the stories they tell about ex's. They always make it look like the past partner was really into them, but they gloat how they were not that into the other partner. But kept them around anyway. That is always a good sign of a narc.

[steviecrow]

Charm and pseudo-empathy has tripped me up many times in the workplace. Ruthless, ambitious people are great at feigning interest and friendship while it serves their interests. It can be brutal when their mask falls.

[choosepeacetoday]

Good to know Dr. C. I have seen this behavior: they don’t want to bond, they want adoration. This is a trap, because it looks as if they are genuinely being nice….

[t.l.]

Their psuedo empathy is typically short-lived as they become exhausted putting on their false front.

[areilly]

Certain people will pretend to have empathy & understanding towards you..they want you to come & commiserate with them as if they really care about you. As soon as they get enough info on you, they turn their backs, gaslight you & try to make you miserable. Don't trust anyone!!

[kc]

He would often say near the end that he was an empath and I had no emotions. Said while I cried or begged for his compromise. Now I know that his favorite things to do were to project himself onto me, triangulation, and gaslight me. I cannot believe how much control over me I allowed him to have, but I am so thankful that I was able to get away and found your channel to help me understand what I had been through. Thank you.

[dshe]

I came across this with a family member recently. He was the most understanding and sympathetic person ever; always asking how i was and being supportive. I disclosed a lot and felt safe to do so.
Three whole years later, he wanted to undermine a situation where i was helping another person he happened to be in dispute with. Out of the blue, I was suddenly faced with emotional bullying, using exactly the same phrases that i had told him upset me years ago!
It was devastating at first, but after thinking it through, I was just left amazed at his memory, motivation and lack of morals.
How anyone could remember the details of another person's distress and then bring them out three years later for their own purposes is mind blowing!

[ravenel]

If they seem completely nice and empathetic and their actions leave you gasping with their cruelty/indifference, ignore the words.

[Jewels]

My son brags about being an 'empath' yet has little true empathy. It used to confuse me. Thanks Dr. Carter for helping me sift through all the manipulation.

[janettemartin]

They WANT YOU! They are like predators that stalk you for SOMETHING! And they think you are SO EASY! It’s very insulting!

[peterknyk]

Not only is dark empathy cruel and malicious it is family and relationship destroying....this kind of empathy from a narcissist is so cunning and phony....it is all about supply, adoration, approval etc.🤮 FAKE 😱 Thank you dr C! 🙏

[vodkacannon]

I am a narcissist.

I may have felt empathy once. It was amazing. I am currently in talk therapy. I have been called an abomination before. I have had people tell me to kill myself. I am still here and still trying to be a better human being.

Thank you for helping me understand myself, Dr. C.

[strugglingmillennial]

Yikes! My ex-boss was “kind” and “listened” to my problems when I was new on the job, but come to find out she is really an insensitive bigot. When she had no control over me she started gaslighting and bullying me. This is not limited to work relationships, it can happen in friendships, family, etc. Be cautious on who you open up to! You’re so right, they don’t care about you. Thanks, Dr. C.