Why You Need to be More Adaptable

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▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Introduction
03:32 - Society is making us less adaptable
06:56 - Black & White Thinking
11:30 - Cognitive Flexibility
18:17 - “This does not work for me!”
22:00 - MAKE IT work for you!

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[isaweeb]

My summary:
People are getting worse at adaptability because they constantly seek perfect solutions. Adaptation is crucial for success, but several factors hinder it:

- *Black and White Thinking:*
- Decreases adaptability.
- Notice all-or-nothing thoughts and consider the other side.
- Most of the time, these thoughts are objectively wrong.

- *Cognitive Flexibility:*
- Don't immediately counter what you hear, even if you disagree.
- Consider other perspectives.
- Strive to understand others deeply.

- *"This Does Not Work for Me" Mentality:*
- Realize that no one will create a perfect solution just for you.
- View challenges as obstacles to solve, not reasons to give up.
- Ask yourself, "How can I make this work for me?"

- *Make It Work for You:*
- Adapt solutions to fit your circumstances.
- Embrace the mindset of making things work for you, enhancing both personal and professional outcomes.

[Elvira_Axen]

As someone on the autism spectrum the black and white thinking aspect used to be such a setback. After working on my ability to be okay with vagueness, unawareness, and accepting that multiple opposing instances can be true at once, I can very much say that it's easier to live and I'm also a much more likeable person! ✨

[bonkchoy]

"a jack of all trades---master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one."

[ProfoundFamiliarity]

Delete Me is an unfortunate name for the sponsor of a mental health channel

[destroyerinazuma]

Old tale: a rabbit was getting sick of always being cowardly and running away. "Make me stronger! Give me a lion's teeth!" he yelled at the sky, and heavens gave him teeth like those of a lion. Except he was still cowardly, he still ran away from everything. And one day, the rabbit thought to himself: "What I need is not a lion's teeth, but a lion's heart."

[animatedmvs]

"Perhaps...just changing my tactics, my actions, aren't enough to find the strength that I'm after?
Then... instead of my actions, I need to change my thinking. Getting caught in how I was has been holding me back.
In order to change, I need to discard how i was so far."

[goldofox]

I would love to see you talk about how academic success at an early age creates a huge lack in cognitive flexibility. In other words, how school as a rigid system robs us of our innate flexibility.

[omarzakaria]

I saw a video of Dr. K from 4 years ago. Really interesting how different he was 4 years ago to now. So much growth. Not really a huge change in his knowledge. He was knowledgeable then. But a huge change in his approach. I noticed a lot. You've really come into your own in this area Dr. K, its awesome to see someone else growing alongside his community.

[AlexJ]

I used to be extremely lacking in adaptability.

The turning point for me was removing "should" from my vocab.

It really is the most dangerous word in the English language.

[knucklejoe]

Before I even watch this video, there is something that immediately comes to mind for me: the world that we live in (that is, western and urban mostly) drastically favors specialization in almost everything, whether it's passive interests like hobbies or active cultivation of careers/work. Maybe this gets addressed, maybe I'm off-base with this, but I'm going to continue watching to see.

[AspieMemoires]

Being born on the spectrum, I naturally came with a weakness to adaptability at a biological/neurological level.
This however led me to actively work on it as well as other issues I have.
This then allowed me to realize the very thing you are talking of right now, I even mentioned it to my coworkers (and in my own thoughts about my coworkers) that “man people sure aren’t adaptable anymore, it’s like they can’t be autonomous”

Then you make this video. Thank you for helping organize this the observations better.

[euniesdabus]

As someone who lost a close family member, and then my job for reasons out of my control and had to entirely switch my major and circumstances to survive as well as attending therapy, this was really validating.

My therapist told me that most people tend to think in absolutes, especially when they get older, but shes mentioned that when bad things happen to me, by the next time i see her, Ive come up with solutions to make something "work for me".

To be fair, its probably bc Im terrified of being homeless or in a bunch and of schoolastic debt 😂 as well as being a street rat originally from LA lmao

But anytime Ive ever failed at anything or had horrific circumstances, Id allow myself to be upset and then try to make small changes so I can be better or feel better. While Im still ways away from everything in my life being normal, I think not thinking in absolutes or black and white is an excellent thing to tell people, it does get better even if shit still sucks at the moment.


I know nobody wants to hear that, but as someone who's been suicidal, depressed, had shit self esteem and has social anxiety...If an idiot like me can pull through this, then lots of other people can.


Remember its not a race and success, love etc all that comes when its supposed to. You are the one who determines what you will and will not be or do. Some things are unavoidable, but you gotta make it work for you.

Thanks for doing your best to help people Dr. k!

[norude]

If at first, you don't succeed, lower your expectations to the point that you're a success

[garyboyles]

I live by this code: Don't let the Illusion of a Perfect job stop you from doing a Good Job. Bring smiles to those around you. Support those you see who aren't smiling, even if its just being in the same room, sitting quietly. Stay in the Now and build on that, because that's going to help in the Later.

[tavishr]

Before anyone chooses to read my words, I want you to watch the video because I am the kind of person who would in some cases fall into this camp of people arguing against this idea, especially with the last few points. Regardless, I would ask that before you make a judgement please watch the video in full.

Now for the musing. Personally, I get the feeling that it's really really easy to tell people to be more adaptable, to tell people to be more cognitively flexible but, in practice i don't quite know if it's always the right option. DR. K even mentions some of those cases like an abusive relationship and even mentions how it would be black and white to say adaptability is always the answer and that it will allow you to always win. I agree with some of the points that Dr. K makes about how challenging your own rigidity and becoming more cognitively flexible has you better adapt to the circumstances around you, however I... find it difficult to want to agree with this sentiment that you are the one who needs to change if someone's advice or tip doesn't work for you. I don't quite believe it's fair to see that every single time you are challenged or made uncomfortable by something that it's a sign of you need to change. Sometimes there are just some things that are such obvious forms of discomfort that it's better not to engage with them and I feel like the video could do a better job of explaining those cases instead of only portraying cognitive flexibility as the solution.

I just feel like we're demanding too much of people this way. We're demanding too much of people to constantly adjust to their circumstances, when fundamentally some of the stuff they're going through shouldn't even be there! I conceded that adjusting to a problem solving mindset instead of an obstacle to quit mindset is a more conducive way to handle problems and to generally do better in life but to imply that one needs to do this every time? Wouldn't that just run right back into the black and white thinking of this one perfect solution will improve everything? Shouldn't we be giving more room to the other side of the argument? I feel like this video is lacking some things. I'm not fully sure what those things are but, I don't quite think that purely adaptation alone will be what fixes the problem.

[sspectre]

This is something I forced myself to learn years ago when I was suffering from depression, anxiety, low self esteem and anger issues. Last year I figured I overcorrected for most of those (except the self esteem, I think I nailed that one actually) since I was smothering out those emotions so I’ve been practicing feeling, expressing and acting in those emotions without them spiraling out of control.

Right now my priorities are working on my ability to focus and my sense of time, though the more I’ve been working on those two the more I suspect I may have ADHD

[rickicherry]

I think I see this in the workplace to the opposite tune, where folks who are willing to adapt but set reasonable boundaries, and find it difficult to have porous boundaries basrd on their personal circumstances, and it’s unreasonable to conform entirely to every ask. Reasonable Boundaries are sometimes interpreted as saying “this doesn’t work for me” and not being adaptable, when in reality you can’t adapt to every demand, you have to be able to maintain some boundaries.

This info can be weaponized unintentionally as a way to get through boundaries.

[itistheway]

This is exactly what my daughter has been struggling with for years! Now I know what help to look for. Thank you! 🙏

[og_danksouls]

The content you have produced for the past week has been so good! Please keep it up, it has changed my life!!

[Rueian]

The last part is the important part. There is no guarantee of success. I have tried, over and over and over again, various different ways that others have found success, but it has not once shown me any bit of progress. I'm listening, I'm putting in effort, more than people will give credit, but it is just not enough. I dont improve my skills, I dont make closer relationships, I dont find better work, I dont feel better about my situation. I just drudged along, one foot in front of another as everyone around me sprints forward leaving me behind. Stagnant in motion.

I know that stopping is the only way to guarentee that i cant succeed, but the longer i go without any positive reinforcement, some morsel of progress, the heavier the weight became to the point that I just find it unbearable.