A Crap Guide to Final Fantasy XIV - Magic DPS

Tadaaa

[tatersalad]

The best part about summoner is that the class is irreparably changed every expansion

[ryutheslayer]

Why each role is the most important person in the party:
*Tank* : Has slap fights with the boss
*Healers* : Kissing boo boos and slapping bitches who made boo boos
*Melee* : Inspecting the bad guy's anus
*Ranged* : No one gives commends
*Caster* : Big ass hats

[DrakeWurrum]

We definitely need a full rendition of JoCat singing out every single BLU spell like the Animaniacs with accompanying animation.

[JohanFaerie]

Leaning self destruct is very important, because once you've finally mastered the class you can then end it all and release yourself from the suffering.

[pedroscoponi]

In the time it took you to watch this video:

-Your Red Mage teammate has rezzed both healers back from the brink of a wipe. Make sure to thank them but only commend the healers, as is tradition.
-Your Summoner teammate has built a 10ft tall lego tower and beat the boss bloody with it. Do NOT touch the Lego Tower, it _will_ temper you permanently.
-your Black Mage teammate has succesfully completed 75% of their hardcast Flare. If they owe you any money, this is the perfect time to kill their target and act like it was an accident.
-your Blue Mage friend has for the 30th consecutive time failed to learn a spell that is essential to completing exactly *one* 8 years old Savage Raid and will absolutely never be used again. Do not pity them, they chose their own suffering.

[ad]

The Blue Mage/Animaniacs crossover we never knew we wanted, but definitely needed.

[silvanbarrow]

JoCrap: *finishes the exhausting task of covering all the known jobs*

Fanfest: "Here comes a new challenger!"

[birdjericho]

Leveling Black Mage was the longest and most difficult period of leveling for me in this game. When I finally acquired the largest and most level-90-iest hat I could find, I never felt more proud of myself.

And then I tripped over my job change bar, smacking my knee on the Red Mage button. And then I sneezed.

And all of a sudden, I was a level 90 Red Mage. I looked around nervously. Had anyone noticed? Was Yoshi-P watching me?

...I... I didn't understand. I thought I was the only one. <3

[firby]

slidecasting: put emotes in your action bars. while casting they turn greyer, when they turn light again, you can move without interrupting the cast

[morganr]

5:19 Lyrics for the curious

*Deep breath*

There's Ultravibration and Rose of Destruction
And Sticky Tongue, Snort, Mustard Bomb

Abyssal Transfixion, Quasar, Malediction
of Water and Fire Angon

Peculiar Light, Feather Rain and Shock Strike
Song of Torment and Basic Instinct

Flying Frenzy and Loom, Acorn Bomb, Sonic Boom
Flying Sardine, J Kick, Final Sting

Triple Trident and White Wind and Level 5 Petrify
1000 Needles kinda sucks

There's Ink Jet and Faze and Transfusion and Blaze
Choco Meteor and Self-Destruct

(And now you know how to sing along. You're welcome.)

[jonathanmaelstrom]

“You even get a backflip to you’re death like a dragoon, but a little more SEXY”
As a dragoon who switched to red mage after reaching 90, this almost killed me I laughed so hard.

[skeletor]

The fact that his Blue Mage wasn't capped at 70 means he was recording footage for this video as recently as the day he started uploading it... Neat.

[mattbriddell]

1:04 "I have no plans to die but I am so tired of living"... God that is such a mood in this day and age.

[mordiusm]

A huge tip for slide casting! When you are learning it, put an emote on your hotbar. When you are casting, it greys out, and when you can slide cast, it ungreys out :)

[BastoTheDisasto]

Fun fact: in most fights, Samurai has as many cast time actions as Summoner. Therefore if Summoner is a caster, so is Samurai.

[afre]

As a BLU myself, this was accurate as all hell. Also, can we get a full "JoCat's Spellbook" song with all the Blue Magics?

[KrakatonMain]

I'm so happy that you got so many submissions for self-destructs 😂 I'm the kind of person who learns Self-destruct/Explosion in a Nuzlocke just because "if you're ever about to die and it can't be avoided, I want you to have the satisfaction of taking that bastard down with you" and also "lol angy orb go kaboom"

[playALLthgames]

The Zero Punctuation reference at 2:04 was freaking gold. A+ work.

[halapenopepper]

Clarification on the slidecasting: the time you're able to move is a flat half a second. On Black Mage and Summoner especially, trying to use fractions to figure it out mentally can get wonky as different spells have different cast times, so just remember if it's got less than half a second to go, that cast is finishing even if you move. Just try to be mindful of it, because there's no way to not clip when slidecasting that I've figured out (less of a problem on redmage and healers with short cast times that don't use your whole gcd), so your dps can take a significant hit if you rely on it overmuch.

[Getsugaru]

Be careful, JoCrap; Black Mage's dad works at Square Enix.