My productivity after having kids

Is your life over after you have kids? A lot of people seem to think so. They postpone having kids until they are rich and successful. In this video I explain how I still make time to pursue my ambitions even with three kids.

Here is the Paul Graham article mentioned:

Here is the PEW Research Lab Study:

[maestro]

Have to push back on this video and some of the comments. Especially parts like “it’s not that hard they just eat sleep and poop”. We literally had the exact opposite experience and the sleep deprivation, got physically dangerous (like dosing off at red lights or other driving scenarios). You don’t get to pick your child’s personality in advance so you don’t really know what you’re signing up for. Also the constant frustration from endless tantrums and arguing over toys and inability to secure consistent childcare during the pandemic lead to even more frustration and occasional resentment. Then of course there’s the family members that begged us to have kids and only provided a fraction of the promised support once they were actually here. You’ll never be fully ready for kids but can absolutely be financially ready. Make sure your finances are really in order AND that you actually know the cost and AVAILABILITY of good child care options where you live in advance (we had quotes as high as $6, 200/month for 2 kids for PART TIME care). So many other options either closed down or weren’t accepting more kids during the pandemic. Don’t listen to anyone else because they will not be the ones changing the diapers at 3am or finishing your work for you when the kids have been a distraction all day. And they won’t be the ones stepping up when you’ve tried all the parental hacks (including meditation) but the kids insist on tantrums and meltdowns. Move at your own pace or it can significantly alter your trajectory personally and professionally.

[adanascencio]

I’m a father of three and lately it feels that most of my life is miserable, and I think it’s mainly for 2 reasons: 1. I did not have a good career or business and now I HAVE to since I’m the breadwinner. So working full time and studying is really super hard, especially for the second reason:
2. We don’t have family support. My wife’s parents are really old and live in Mexico and my parents are battling with certain issues that make them unavailable, and we are living in a completely new city because of the cost-of-living.

I say this, because if you are a parent out there, who feels like you’re trying to run in thick, mud and constantly juggle family time versus working, you’re not the only one, but for me, I am not giving up because neglecting my kids, or moving to a bad environment or not acceptable choices… but MAN it’s hard!!!

[JakeRommMD]

Ambition after children is an interesting topic. I don't think my ambition decreased. If anything I'm more ambitious because I value time more appropriately. I'm much clearer on what I want from life. For me, it's the risk tolerance that dramatically changes once you have kids.

[marthamary]

I have 6 kids, so far. I m stay at home it s a decision I made with my partner that I would give up my career until the kids are raised. We homeschool. Partner can focus on their career and currently works 2 jobs. We moved around the world with 4 kids under 6 yo. I get up at 4 am to work out or do creative stuff. When I need a break I take them all to a park. Fresh air is amazing. Don’t use kids as an excuse.

[alexhartan]

I am in the "having kids helped me get my act together" camp for sure.
Even though this hurts to write, I was somewhat drifting aimlessly before having kids. I had a cozy life, but I was plateauing personally and professionally.
Now, even though I have less time, I am more focused, efficient and I am having an easier time saying no to people.
Also, I should mention that my wife is extremely supportive and an amazing mother.

[avvielashes]

Im not trying to be rude with this comment, only interested in discussion, but i wonder if your wife also "finds a way to go to the gym everyday?". Im finding things quite confusing as a young woman. Lol i was told i could do anything, can have kids, can have it all. Up until this point in my life i have had it all in the sense that ive been able to work towards whatever i wanted and have achieved many things. For some reason when it comes to kids and taking care of a home, i feel that the woman takes on more of the burden no matter how modern her male partner might be. A career on top of everything else now just seems unrealistic. Id rather be the one that works and earns money tbh except my partner doesnt care to take care of the home and if we were to have kids i can only imagine how crazy our house would get. Lol i dont really think that would be a nice way to live. I guess what im saying is that it seems easier to work, go to the gym, be a good dad, have fun with the kids, than it would be to stay at home with the kids all day and keep the house organized and clean.

[ThomasStewartDev]

No kids (yet), 28 and married 7 years. This is a fear I've felt too, but I've heard from others that kids make your ambitions die (in a good way). Looking forward to it.

[leethewarlord]

I told my family that I wanted to wait until I was making $60K-$80K yearly before having kids and they all told me "it doesn't work like that" and "you'll never be ready" which seems kind of dismissive to me. Is that not a realistic goal to hit first? I'm 25 so it's not like there's a rush order on babies right now. Plus everybody in my family that said that (they all have kids) have household incomes of $100K+ so the numbers still line up to what I'm wanting.

[McJamEs]

24 years old and kids is not in my mind, I am driven to get my life stable becoming an accountant. I have plans to have kids after 32. Driven to develop myself more and hope its not complicated by that age.

[Martin-qvhg]

This video seems very specific to me, and the advice only helpful to a small group. "Make time" is not helpful--if I could do that, I'd have done it. Work during the work day is impossible and so is finding a new job so I can; that is such an unfair and huge ask. Giving stuff up is what I've been doing since this started, I can't tell how much of a non-life I have for myself. And while I do have a supportive spouse, we're both parenting, and still don't seem to have the unicorn poop secret that others seem to. I think this topic is sorta doomed from the get-go. If a solution exists, it's great that you've found yours, but it isn't going to work for many, if any. Every situation is different, and will have a different solution. Sometimes the solution doesn't exist.

[MargaritavilleHockey]

Congrats on the 3rd! We just had our 2nd three months ago. The first month or two are crazy hard with all of the feedings but the sweet spot for us is 3-6 months when they're finally sleeping for longer stretches. The gym thing is so true; during the first couple weeks my kids were born I somehow found 15 mins to bang out a few burpees. My wife and I had a hard time adjusting to all of the new limitations we had after our first (she's 18 months old now) but with the 2nd you're just so much in the zone with it that it's NO FACTOR (as Jocko would say). Also it helped me to think about all of the things I still COULD do in life vs. all of the things that I couldn't (like moving spontaneously to Europe like the girl in your embedded video). It's all about being efficient and communicating with the wife. Happy wife, happy wife.. 100%.

[unikornkontroller]

One thing I have noticed is that some people put their jobs on the back burner to the point to where their work suffers. Too many kids or just not delegating well with your spouse is partly the problem. From the inside looking out you may not notice this but everybody who works with you notices.

We waited to have kids and now have one. We decided that one was enough and that in order to do a good job raising him, we didn't want more than one child. I don't know if this is the right answer but it felt right for us.

Also, having one child is a selfish move on our part. I still enjoy my own time and I knew having more children meant having less time. Elon Musk has 10 kids. I doubt he's doing a great job at it. Something has to give somewhere. I think it gives in different areas of your life.

[jaredalbin]

This is so timely...my wife might be pregnant...we've been trying for a few months now. I'm a Senior Data Engineer, working remote. She owns her own Graphic Design company. She may go down to 20-25hrs per week instead of 40 since she has the flexibility. Been wondering what free time may still exist, but at the same time I really want family - more than extra time really.

[singleguysimplelife]

I'm single with no kids. I got me thinking that I need to learn to manage my time better. I have a remote job as well. When it's not busy, I work on my side hustles.

[IvanKam]

This is....Literally my life...thanks for sharing Jake.

[Angel_Yuki-chan]

I'm rich and still wouldn't raise a child into this disgusting world. Plus, school was full of bullies and toxic drug addicts, why would I ever put a child through that???

[rebeccabath]

Would you be willing to interview your wife and see if she feels she has time for gym, her side hustles and work? Just curious as a woman, if it is this way for women also.

[noone-umhk]

Had two very close together, I'm glad I waited for 30, idk how I could financially do it if I had them earlier. It'll get better once the crazy daycare costs are over 😂 my wife and I never really talked about it before either, we were ok with having kids, but also fine if we didn't. Definitely done after 2 though.

[ufgrcatlanta]

We had our kiddos early and still started two business started a farm and finished college. I think it's all in how you prioritize and create your support circle

[TristanBurgener]

So happy my wife and I chose to have kids! I wanted to be a dad early and not wait for the perfect timing bc it didn’t seem realistic