Autism & Relationships: An Honest Discussion

🐌 If you'd like, you can support the creation of these videos on Patreon! You can get 2 exclusive videos a month, access to the Discord server, podcast episodes, and more! 🐌:

💛WATCH NEXT💛:

📹 My Videos mentioned 📹:

📒 Sources 📒:

00:00 He's back!
01:00 The main difference between allistic & autistic people
05:55 Do allistic people feel like aliens?
08:30 Why autistic & allistic people might clash
12:20 How to know if someone likes you?
16:35 Do societal expectations matter?
18:49 Does unmasking end relationships?
25:23 Do special interests ruin relationships?
27:25 Relationship accomodations?
29:30 How we handle demand avoidance
31:55 Should autistic people be with autistic people & more questions!
32:53 Autistic vs Introverted Masking

📖 *Books I'd Recommend about Autism 📖 :

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone:

Different not Less by Chloe Hayden (read if you want to cry):

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price:

*These are affiliate links. The channel will receive a small commission if you buy anything on Amazon after clicking through with this link. There's no extra cost to you; any money will go towards putting out more content. I'd love to post twice a week and put more time into research for these videos. Thank you so much - I really appreciate every like and comment!

DISCLAIMER: I am a second-year psychology student and a late-diagnosed #actuallyautistic individual. I am not a qualified healthcare professional.

[imautisticnowwhat]

Does unmasking ruin relationships? Do we clash? How do I balance my special interests with my partner? My non-autistic husband and I are answering some of your questions today! 💛


The other exclusive video for this month on there is me reacting to the most ridiculous stock footage I’ve found while editing. It was an interesting journey 😂



Hope you have a good week ahead! See you soon 🥰

[soyevquirsefron]

Reading something completely shuts down my hearing, so in the middle of a conversation with my wife I’ll accidentally read something and have to say “sorry I looked at that cereal box in the pantry and didn’t hear the last thing you said”

[Ophmar]

My wife basically dropped a "I think you may be on the spectrum" after about a month of dating. She's a very perceptive woman, and gives valuable insights into social interactions that I consistently miss out on. While I am excited at the propect of a vow of silence and can generally thrive in isolation, she is extremely talkative and socially driven and does not shy away from confrontation. Things aren't always easy, but I doubt any relationship is, and she's more than worth it.

[Luke_E_Babyy]

The prospect of being alone for the rest of my life doesn't really cause me so much pain anymore. I just am what I am. And if I get surprised, I get surprised.

[michaelthompson]

I’m at university and haven’t made any friends whatsoever, it’s an absolute mystery to me how people are able to make friends. It seems like an impossible task, everyone hates me for no reason

[HaakonOdinsson]

We need an easygoing person who will let us be us without judgement. We have a heart too

[marlyd]

I recently found out I'm probably autistic because I started dating my boyfriend, who's autistic as well. I felt so comfortable around him, turns out I've been unmasking without knowing around him for 8+ months because I subconsciously knew I could. Told him 'I think I may be autistic too' and he said 'yeah that feels on brand for you' 😂

[BlazeNStar]

The finding something you choose and are proud of to be the new reason why you are labeled "the weird kid" is really really relatable. I was usually "the artistic kid" and "the occultist", hid everything using either art projects or by being the living spiritual/ paranormal encyclopedia.

[laurenhebert]

My husband also felt like family when we met, and we also look alike and people think we are siblings as well. In our vows, I wrote that he’s always felt like home.

[tomasvoldrich]

3:20 like in the Autism in Heels book, neurotypical brains are like cars and autistic are like trains = polytropism vs monotropism

[tarotqueen]

When someone's trying to talk to me while the waters running the dog is barking, the kid outdoors is screaming, and a car alarm is going off. All I hear them say is wawawawawa. Like the adults in Charlie Brown.

[fleabear]

I understand why someone would think that masking is lying but I think they are mistaking it for what narcissists and sociopaths do. My mother was a narcissist and she could change from one emotion to another in an instant. She would smile and be a wonderful person and then the person would turn away and the mask would disappear. The smile turned into a sneer. I can’t do that. I have to be in a safe space, usually behind closed doors, to unmask. I also can’t instantly remask once I drop it, which my mother could do. It was like turning a light on and off with her.

[absw]

Not sure how unique my experience is here, but I though I'd give my two cents. Both me and my ex are autistic. We were together for nine years, and even though we still like each other as friends, we broke up once we realised we were only a couple because the people around us expected us to be a couple. We once sat down and talked about how much less stressed we felt back when we could have our lives to ourselves, and we didn't actually understand the end goal of this relationship. Living together would also just cause our daily routines and individual goals to clash way too often. Now, as friends, we have a much better time since we both share a special interest.

[mims]

I have reached a point in my life, where I rather desperatly want to be in a relationship. But me being me, i am very aware, that it probably wont happen for a while. Which really hurts, because I see the allistic people in my life get into serious relationships, and move in with their partners, start planning for the future. And I still haven't ever been in a relationship. It gets very lonely. I will get over it at some point.

[marthamurphy]

About monotropism: I used to be able to concentrate with more things going on: kids playing, television, people walking past my desk at work. Now I can't, and I don't know if its because of old age or because of a concussion I had in an auto accident. I can't seem to get blissfully lost in what I'm doing any more, which is sad. Maybe it's anxiety. The two of you are completely charming together and, Meg, I find your videos among the most helpful at understanding autism. (I am 76 and was diagnosed in December 2023. I'm at the stage where I'm having lots of aha! moments.)

[beautifuldarkangel]

6:06 I'm not diagnosed so I don't actually know if I’m autistic. But this part of questionnaires or self diagnostic tools always confuses me because it's not a yes or no answer for me. It felt like we all had the same information but I'm the only one that learned anything. Whenever I would talk to people that weren't my friends or family it was like a hard disconnect. The basics of life that I was building around myself that were slowly covering my worldview just made sense and when I talked to others about it was like they didn't think about it. From an early age it was so bizarre for me to see the patterns and the solutions but it seemed like none of my peers or even the adults around me came close to getting near my analysis. I put so much work into understanding why things are the way they are yet it seemed no one else did.

[ChloeTheJean]

My biggest problem being autistic in my relationship is that I get quite aggravated if my partner triggers my sensory issues (chewing, fidgeting, phone too loud etc) or spring plan changes on me.
But I don't want to "be a bitch" and moan at him all the time to stop doing stuff that irritates me because it's not his fault or responsibility all the time.
I end up repressing it until I can't take it anymore and ask him to stop and it comes out sounding really snappy and mean and I have to apologize.
But nobody understands that I only say something like 5% of the time and the other 95% I just suffer internally and that's rly hard for me too.

For the record, we've been dating for 3 years and have a great relationship but this is a struggle for me

[Dreykopff]

Damn, that part where he waits a little before he speaks when you're immersed into something...that's the dream, I have absolutely never experienced anyone treating me like that. I too cannot listen at all when I'm distracted, and I always get forced into awkward questions when someone talks to me in a moment when my mind is somewhere else...or also in a loud place, similar thing.

The idea of autistic + autistic relationships sounds so extremely nice on paper because you'd finally be dealing with someone who knows your struggles as well as you do and can genuinely accept you because of it, but from what I'm hearing, it's not happening often, and I've been wondering why that is exactly... It could be intentional because chances are that both of them would have similar weaknesses that they cannot cover each other for, and that might be a big barrier to a nice and fulfilling life together. The really sad part is that most of us then end up falling for narcissists instead, and that never ends well. Personally, I'd love to date an autistic woman at some point, but actually finding one that's available, interested and checks enough boxes...kinda not realistic. I don't know, maybe there actually are plenty people who would be up for that specific neuro-non-diverse relationship (especially after failed relationships with NTs) but simply cannot physically find the partner for it...and then either stay single or try with the next NT that gives them the time of day.

[hannahowen]

Hey Meg, you're my go to when im feeling a bit down. You're helping me immensely in my self discovery journey as an autistic woman wrestling with the diagnosis process.

[SavannahSedai]

You both come across as extremely kind, compassionate, and understanding (with a willingness to understand even more if needed). I think these aspects are a testament to y'all's relationship ❤️