Miscellaneous Myths: Ursa Major

The tragic tale of the nymph Callisto, finally retold the way it was always intended to be experienced: with a nonzero number of references to minecraft.
Boy, those painters sure do love making this look romantic, huh.

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[DanGamingFan]

If I had a nickel for every ancient Greek myth about Zeus screwing people over in more ways than one, I'd be able to buy, and fully restore the Parthenon.

[WorldWeave]

Apollo: “sooo…dad turned into you to bang one of your hunters”

Artemis: “he did WHAT?!”

[soysauce]

Imagine being Artemis and finding out your own father seduced one of your followers while disguised AS YOU. That's pretty vile.

[teslaromans]

2:42 I love how frigging done she looks, and how she instantly puts together the equation “mysterious pregnancy + turned into an animal = Zeus”

[taburde]

It’s so funny that the whole ‘no bears in Antarctic’ worked out the way it did.

I could totally see some early Greek hearing tale of gigantic white bears that roam the lands watched over by the heavenly beast and going “I KNEW IT!”

[timothymclean]

Callisto: "I thought you were a virgin goddess?"
Definitely Artemis: "Um. No?"
Callisto: "Well, I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth."


Odysseus: "Why would we hide in the _mouth?_ There's no room there!"

[FuzzyStripetail]

It's unbearable that Callisto was unable to petition Zeus for her to stop being a bear simply on the account that she was a bear.

[vowgallant]

I love how Arcadia is consistently the place where all the scary nature stuff happens. Just a location of primal, wild horror.

[billcipher]

"I want to be a minecraft youtubers now"
"This is better than being a minecraft youtuber"
Character development at its PEAK

[legateelizabeth]

Callisto slept with who she thought was Artemis to the point of having a kid because it was actually Zeus…
Callisto must’ve had such strong feelings of friendship for Artemis!

[pathfindersavant]

Artemis: "Dangit dad, not only did you seduce one of my maidens, but you shapeshifted into ME to do the deed! Why would you do this!?"
Zues: "...It was Pride Month?"

[A_Random_Wb]

"It's all Zeus's fault" is quite possibly the best tagline to represent the entire Greek mythos

[smugsneasel]

Who else sees Zeus show up in Red's stories and automatically goes "Oh goddammit..."

[astral_pilot]

Personally I would love an episode on Minthe, the one woman who tried to get with Hades but then was turned into mint by Persephone

[jon.callaghan]

Red continues to gives us art we didn't know we needed but can't live without 🎉

[Kelaiah]

I have a headcanon that Callisto was the bear who raised Atalanta. Bear-Callisto adopted the abandoned Baby Atalanta in order to gain comfort for having to give up Baby Arcas. I also headcanon that it was Artemis who turned Callisto into a bear, and the reason was so that Callisto could come back into Artemis' group: she couldn't allow non-virgins, but Artemis isn't above having a few "pets, " and she doesn't care if said pets are non-virgins, haha. This means that I headcanon Artemis and Callisto as the adoptive mothers of Atalanta... who would then be transformed into a lioness along with her husband, Hippomenes, and that would for the same reason as why Callisto was transformed: so the two of them could remain in Artemis' hunting group without technically breaking the rules.

Which means Artemis ends up having a pet bear and two pet lions. :D

[Magicghost]

It’s really tragic that Callisto had to bear a grizzly fate.

[TheAwsomeSawse]

I like the version where Zeus grabs the two bears by the tails and spins them around to launch them into space. It explains how they became constellations and why they have such long tails considering they’re bears.

[thedukeofchutney]

The version I grew up hearing was that after both were turned into bears Heracles was the one who got them into the heavens by grabbing both by the tails swinging them around his head and letting them fly. This is supposed to explain why their tails are so long.