Emotional Abuse: The Differences Between Criticism and Constructive Criticism

Emotional Abuse: The Differences Between Criticism and Constructive Criticism

Are you around somebody who is constantly telling you what you are doing wrong and what you should be doing? It can be a real source of negativity as it can cause you to feel bad about yourself and it can also cause you to question your decisions. Even a person with a high self-confidence can find themselves negatively impacted if they are constantly barraged by somebody else’s verbal abuse. The person who is constantly doing all the criticizing might tell you that they are saying what they are saying for the sake of helping you when they are going about it in the wrong way. That is why, today I am going to go over the difference between criticism and constructive criticism. This way should you identify destructive criticism, you can become aware of it, not personalize that person’s words and have a heart to heart with the other person so that you can create some boundaries. I say this because destructive criticism can become a source of stress, anger and hurt.
The main difference between constructive criticism and destructive criticism is the way comments are formulated. There is always an appropriate way of saying something. The tone of destructive criticism can be negative, mean and angry. And it can make you feel as though the person is just pointing out what is wrong with you. As though they are just blaming you. Hear it enough and experience it with plenty of intensity and it might even feel as though you are being bullied.

Verbal Abuse: The Differences Between Criticism and Constructive Criticism

On the other hand, constructive criticism is just feedback without the imposing tone. It’s somebody saying something like, “Hey, maybe you should try blank instead of doing blank, because I think that would really work for you. Notice that in my example there is no negative tone or imposing attitude.

Another big difference between destructive criticism and constructive criticism resides in the intention of the person offering it. Unlike constructive criticism that is intended for helping you improve some part of your life, destructive criticism might hide other intentions such as a desire to manipulate, feelings of envy, the desire to be hurtful consciously or subconsciously or a person not being happy with their own performance in life so they project their unhappiness on you by nit-picking. Sometimes, the person constantly criticizing you does it because it’s a bad habit that they have. It’s something that comes practically instinctive to them. For all you know, maybe they had a highly critical parent. They are so use to that kind of behavior that now, they themselves are pros at doing it.

The last big difference to consider is if the person or people who are criticizing you are constantly referencing to the past. When providing constructive criticism, the past is mentioned only as a starting point to learn a lesson and make a better decision in the future. When providing destructive criticism, the past is constantly thrown at you with comments that may start with words like…. You always blank. or You never blank. The person might be keen on bringing up things that happened in the past because they are hell bent on proving a point for something that they themselves are not complete with. Constructive criticism on the other hand is logical, well-structured and is supported by facts, it is related to actions and results but not directly tied to you and who you are. It doesn’t leave you feeling as though somebody just ripped you apart.
Keep in mind these differences and you’ll be able to see criticism in general from a completely different point of you. And if you are somebody who has endured a whole lot of destructive criticism remember that it’s never really been about you. Don’t bite the bait anymore. Instead, begin to establish those barriers and if needed distance yourself. Sometimes… you just must for your own well-being.

Emotional abuse, different kinds of criticism, effects of constant criticism, feeling criticized by partner, how do you react when somebody criticizes you, constant criticism, effects of constant criticism, verbal abuse

[rabbiphilio]

It’s important to compliment someone as much on their good points as their bad ones. When someone addresses ONLY when you do something wrong, that never works. It only gives off bad energy when there is only negative feedback, even if it is constructive. It gets even worse when those so called bad points are really not a big deal yet they’re exaggerated by the critic only further ruining the matter. That can be perceived as bullying when only addressing bad points and never good ones, at least from the perspective of whoever is on the receiving end.

[mayaniverse]

I am with a person who always criticized me. He said he just what me to do better about myself. But the way he delivers it, constantly is like i'm getting a lot of bullets fired towards me.
In his mind i should flourished by the way he criticized me. But in reality, its very suffocating that i start to question my self worth😣😭

[jessestone]

After years of taking criticism from my wife I finally realized what was happening. I told her flat out to stop criticizing me or I would divorce her. It worked.

[WazigeLogica]

Also some people know how to dress destructive critisism so that it looks like constructive critisism. They learn from not getting what they want by being negative thowards people all the time. They are intelligent so they look at what seems to work and start formulating their unneccassary critism differently. So that it sounds as if they're trying to help you. They will even throw in a forced/ unnatural compliment from time to time to try and balance things out. Some of these people are narcissists.Others are just traumatised people that turned into control freaks and need you to be who THEY need you to be for THEM to feel safe/ secure. You need to be really well rooted into yourself to deal with these type of people. You need to be really secure and balanced.
I know I am not and I have had to let a someone I concidered a friend go.
You can be a rock for all i care, but all that chipping is going to shape you and I didn't like the self-image I was left with after years of her chipping. So here I am, doing my own chipping and carefully letting people have a go that REALLY have my wellbeeing in mind when they do. And they never chip away the pieces I like about myself.

Basically: If someone doesn't like you for who you are.. And I don't mean 'sometimes' or 'some things about you that affects others'.. But CONCISTANTLY is critisising you for EVERY thing you do and don't, the way you look, the way you walk and talk. So much so that every time you're around them you just feel a knot in your stommach and like you have to walk on your toes not to set them off again.. EVEN if they make it sound like it's for your own good: walk away. Let them be with people they appreciate and you go be with the people that LOVE YOU FOR YOU. They are not neccassarily bad people, but they are simply not for you if you more often feel bad around them than joyful and good.

[jasonjin]

Thank you so much! I came by this and it helps! The part "When providing destructive criticism, the past is constantly thrown at you with comments that may start with words like…. You always blank. or You never blank" made me realize that someone is like that in my life. I may have been gas lighted and that I am not paranoid. I will re-watch this awesome post many times in the future to help myself be neutral, unbiased, have a healthy self esteem and maybe actually be more forgiving. That "someone" I mentioned have been though a lot in life. This video helped me understood a lot!

[wordsofthedaywithaprilmae]

Couldn't agree more with the "distancing yourself" and detox from toxic relationships. 💯

[monzerratroldan]

So I’m being emotionally abused by my parents?

[alinecardoso]

My problem is that I have no pacience anymore, I have to learn how to deal with that, because the person who critized me usually use that to say that is my fault, she up her tone of voice, starts a fight and then says that is all because of me.

[uniquequeen]

My mom. She makes me feel like I’m not enough sometimes. I know she means well and loves me but it pains me to say that she hurts my self esteem at times. She builds me up and can pull me down at the same time in a weird way.

[mariamihaleva]

My bf continously makes comments about my apperiance. I never do that to him. Instead I will always compliment him or thank him. But it makes me sad as I begin to feel sad about my self.

[STAR-LIGHT.]

I feel constantly criticized. He also triggers these reactions in me, he shows my flaws and sometimes very abruptly in a mean way. i get emotional i explain what it does to me and then i get into emotional dysregulation and who did it in the end? because when you go this far it's out of your control I take all the blame on me all the time. Because he said I had an overreaction. now i've been calmer than usual lately i explain to him what i'm walking around with and he pushes and gets angry then he doesn't say he's angry. but i feel totally disrespected he comes to my house to return the keys because i want to go to therapy and feel very bad.. he wants to focus on himself and is angry that i never take anything from him i would say i have taken too much from him and his help and his critical eye on me i am now in a psychosis i hear voices. he always has an explanation for it where it comes from like my childhood or so. he wants to stay friends now but i close the door i stop this this is too unhealthy.
it's already a lot that I write it here because I've lost myself so much that it's always my fault and that I'm wrong and need to improve but my anger and irritation are signals that I'm being bullied

[wildboy]

Wow, I've always been confused on the difference between whether a person was offering constructive criticism to either improve my performance level or if a person was just being mean, conniving or just down right rude to me as an individual. Now I know what to look out for and to not take everything to heart. Thanks. 😎👍🏾

[Lemons]

I am in a relationship with someone whom I feel like is always criticizing me. Whether it's on my parenting (we have a child together), the way I say or do something, etc., I always end up feeling like I'm not doing the "right thing". This makes me feel like I'm not good enough, and that I can't do anything right without being judged. Based on this video my partner is constructively criticizing me, it's not destructive, but it still leaves me feeling bad about myself. In turn, I shut down, emotionally detach from my partner, and my mood changes. I think I'm too overly sensitive and overly emotional and just hearing about how I could have done something "better" or "different" makes me feel this way. How can I stop taking things so personally?

[TruBliss]

Bless your soul ma'am. Thank you for taking the time out to make this video. Much love and light to you. 🙏☺

[BadEconomyOfficial]

I feel this, I was told I had bad acting in my Unofficial Fan Film, when one of the other guys had worse acting because you couldn’t even hear him.

[gustavoquiroz]

Thank you for the excellent advice. Whenever I bring this up, I'm told that I'm a soft ass and can't take the brutal truth. This is coming from someone that I am dating.

[thomasblack]

So how does a person handle it when it's in a relationship???

[annbet]

I told my friend her voice is good but her timing is off.She got mad at me and said I KNOW WHAT TIMING IS.Then she went to try out audition and they told her the same thing. The told her to join a choir. When you are in a band you must be on time otherwise you can throw the whole band off

[kagamer]

Thank you ma'am; i need to become a better person and this helps

[jenniferbrown]

This was confirmation from a decision I made to end things with someone