How to Cope with Internalized Ableism as a Neurodivergent

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[WillemPenn]

While I agree that internalized ableism is a challenge in its own right and self-compassion is an important skill, I strongly disagree that the assertion that it is much more of a challenge than the challenges of having a disability in its own right.

First, internalized ableism would not exist but for that external challenge and the accompanying social messaging. One is a priori and therefore cannot be decoupled.

Second, having spent decades now working in therapy (though my ASD dx is new) including years of EMDR for cPTSD and DBT, I can confidently say the negative self-talk is almost nil. That notwithstanding, every single interaction with the world requires self advocacy for a person with limited spoons to begin with. In other words, I am faced with a lack of accommodation, I have to use the limited resources I have to educate someone with many resources, face their rage at their having to expend relatively minor resources in comparison to accommodate, leaving me with even fewer spoons. And then I am expected perform at the same level as the non-disabled person.

Every day is an exhausting battle and is most definitely not the internalized ableism that is causing it. It is the being transferred 47 times on customer service and still not getting an “accidental” overcharge resolved. It is purchasing products and 30% of the time these days they are defective so have to be returned or exchanged. It is making a reservation at a restaurant and letting them know you are disabled so you require a table that is secluded away from noise and bright light, then you get there and the only table they have is right next to the kitchen and they have away your table, as a disabled person, bc they had a celebrity and this is LA and so sorry you drive 45 minutes but there is nothing we can do. Yeah, the external stuff is really bad and abusive and honestly I’m done downplaying it. Because the internalized ableism thing to do wild have been to say “why are you being such a whiny little b****?” And the answer is because sitting next to a kitchen like that will put me in bed for three days with a migraine and the law entitles me to accommodation, not your celebrity. Move them. 🤷