#125: 5 reasons women don't get what they need from men

Suzanne discusses fives reasons women don't get what they need from their man.

IN THIS EPISODE:
3:30 Suzanne reads from her client intake forms to describe the current state of their marriages
6:00 Reason #1: Women have their guard up
7:20 When women don't trust and have their guard up, her man can't step into his natural role
9:00 Women are the relationship navigators
9:55 Reason #2: They micromanage.
11:10 Reason #3: Women’s inability to “let go” and learn to receive
14:00 Reason #4: They complain and/or nag
14:20 Men DO NOT like nagging, complaining and negativity! You will get the worst out of him
15:15 Reason #5: They assume the worst
17:30 Men will act in the opposite way of their true nature if women do/are all of the above

𝗦𝗶𝗴𝗻 𝘂𝗽 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗦𝘂𝘇𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗲:

𝗦𝘂𝗯𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗶𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝘂𝘇𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗲 𝗩𝗲𝗻𝗸𝗲𝗿 𝗦𝗵𝗼𝘄:

𝗙𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗦𝘂𝘇𝗮𝗻𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝗦𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗠𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗮:

[nrudy]

Imagine being a negative, controlling, grudge holding, mistrusting person and yet thinking the fault with your relationships is other people. Seems fairly narcissistic to me.

[russbetts]

My sister suffered from the 'Happy Ever After' belief, when she married a man who was a 'Mummy's Boy' and then expected him to change. He worked hard, gave her two beautiful daughters and didn't ask much in return, just an occasional night out with his friends. When a very good workmate died, he went to the funeral and informed my sister he would be going to the Wake and would be home late, so don't wait up for him. When he came home somewhat the worse for wear, she laid into him like it was the end of the world, when all she had to do, was help him to bed; but no, she carried on like he had committed a criminal offence. Being drunk and more than somewhat distressed at the loss of his friend, he pushed her away from him and she fell on her butt. Her response, was to call the Police and have him arrested and charged for assault. Having spent the night in a police cell, he came home to find she'd changed the door locks and had seen a Solicitor and sued him for divorce. The interesting thing is, my sister was a nasty piece of work, even when she was a schoolgirl, always telling lies to my parents, just to see me get into trouble, because my father always believed her and not me. The irony of all this is, that three years later, he met and married a woman who had her own business and her own expensive home and he's lived happily ever after; whereas, she has gone from relationship to relationship and now lives alone in a granny flat. If that's not Justice, I don't know what is. In the Military, that's known as 'Self-Inflicted Injury'.

[joejones]

Here's an idea. Tell the man what you want. And when you get it, say "thank you".

[pivot]

This pretty much sums up why most of the bachelors I know don't want to marry. Women exhibit a bait and switch when they transition from a dating to marriage. A lot of women look at men as a TOOL to fulfil their goals rather than a living breathing person.

[OttoMatieque]

many relationship problems are rooted in the fact that many women, while dating, are secretly planning to change the man, while the man is assuming the woman is being genuine and won't change.

[stevec]

Husbands get tired when they are told to make decisions and then the wife just criticizes what he decides to do.
I have seen too many women who run around telling men what they "should" want in a partner. Totally ignoring what men say they want in a partner and then the women complain they can't find a good man.

[ditpook]

I have a sister with 9 cats who hand makes special treats for them, has a grid on the wall of what to feed them and when, cleans all their litter boxes and sits on the couch petting them and talking to them in a comforting way. If ANY WOMAN did that for a man, they would be climbing over the walls to get to her.

[snakesocks]

I'm sorry but it's clear to me that many women have evolved a strategy to retain a man via abuser tactics. The micro-managing is clearly an attempt to systematically break down his confidence by putting him in a double bind. If he doesn't help enough, he's wrong; if he does, he's still wrong for not doing it her way.
Even if you learn to do it correctly, her nesting instincts ensure that she's filled the house with all sorts of useless junk that has to be cleaned/sorted in a very specific way so you'll always be guilty of doing something incorrectly.
Her goal is to create an environment wherein you are always wrong & always at fault so your confidence plummets & other women will never find you attractive.
Another abuser tactic they love is to identify the objects / hobbies that are important to you & insert themselves in between so you have to ask them for 'permission' to gain access to it.

[sociolocomtsac]

My dad avoids all difficult conversations. He wanted a superficial bimbo, but my mom got smarter as she aged. His brothers also wanted bimbos for wives and now they are broke and out on the streets/dead because those bimbos took everything from them. Dad would have lost everything, too, but mom saved him. Some men constantly make bad decisions and need some guidance. Life isn't all rainbows and butterflies. Kill the ego and do what is best as a team.

[sdjnjferri]

1. She has her guard up: 5:58
2. They micromanage: 9:55
3. They won't let go and learn to receive: 13:05
4. They complain and or nag: 14:03
5. They assume the worst instead of the best of their man: 15:10

[steveos]

Thanks Suzanne! I spent 30 years with my (now) ex-wife. She was a strong-willed, contentious woman. She constantly belittled, criticized and nagged me. I wasn't a perfect husband but I was a good one (father too). I provided for my family, shared in duties and more. But over the course of many years of walking on eggshells, I snapped. My ex-wife had a bad relationship with her father and I think it manifested into the type of women you describe in this podcast. I'm free now (divorced) and sometimes I feel I have some form of PTSD from it, if that is possible. Your words help bring answers and closure for me. Thanks!

[BonBon-fndh]

I agree with Suzanne completely, I am always grateful for everything my husband does me and in turn he treats like I am the only woman in world. He is such a wonderful provider and I’m am so protected!!!

[V-MAX_]

Suzanne Suzanne, how right you are. Over the past couple years I've started to take off the kid gloves with women who want to go pound for pound.
But it's even interesting to me how I melt when a woman is nice and feminine. It's like a primal instinct to want to go to the end of earth for a caring woman.

[Dan.]

Stay single guys. Trust me as a 50 year old man, the juice ain't worth the squeeze. Keep your sanity and make yourself the best person you can be for your limited time on this earth.

[davidehl]

100% True. All the micromanagement, nagging, negativity, complaining, assuming the worst, (and then my ex wondered why I wasn't motivated to do anything) these are the reasons I'm divorced.

BUT YOU MISSED #6... sex and romance. My ex absolutely made sex into a chore like everything else on her list of things to do. It was minimalist, begrudging, perfunctory and infrequent. If you are not going to take care of a man's sexual needs, he's not going to take care of all your other needs...and you women have a lot of other needs.

[davidroberts]

Your speaking truth to power. You could have called this “5 ways woman sabotage their marriages” or “5 ways woman create their own divorce”. Men have their own faults as well of course, but these behaviors are incredibly destructive to a relationship.

[Eans_urban_jungle]

I still remember when my gf of four years would come in the kitchen and monitor and criticize me as I did dishes; meanwhile her clothes are all over the house and the cats litter box is full. But somehow she feels it's more important to oversee the way I load spoons in the drying rack.
NEVER EVER again will I tolerate anything that seems to suggest that a women is feeling like or LOOKING at me like that. I'll peace out and let her die in the wilderness

[bigedslobotomy]

When she said that women need to remember how they felt when their man did something for them when they were dating really resonated with me. I’ve seen so many women be like “Oh whatever you want!” When asked where they want to eat or where they want to go … BUT after marriage it becomes, “YOU WILL OBEY ME!”

[joejoejoejoejoejoe]

1 they don't trust
2 they micro manage
3 they won't let go ( this one was a bit ambiguous )
4 they're negative
5 they assume the worse of men.
So basically, if a woman hates men, constantly belittles them, nags them, criticise them and has only contempt for men, this doesn't lead to a healthy relationship for her; don't spare a thought for what it's like for him though...

I don't know what's happened to women, in the past women idolised men, screamed at boy bands, took a compliment as a compliment, but now women have a default setting of hostility towards men. Sure feminism plays a part, but it's only allowed to demonise men because all women let it.

[donf]

#1 THEY don't know what they want
#2 They DON'T KNOW what they want
#3 They don't know WHAT they want
#4 They don't know what THEY want
#5 They don't know what they WANT
Any questions???