Living With a Dissociative Disorder | My Life With

Depersonalization Derealization aka DP/DR is a dissociative disorder in which a person feels detached from their body and their surroundings. In this episode of My Life With, VICE spends time with Jen to show a first-hand perspective of what her life looks like living with this disorder.

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[mezzanine]

I did a double take when I saw this video, as I have been living with this disorder for years. It's miserable. I wake up in the same city I've lived in my whole life and feel like a visitor. People I've known my whole life feel like complete strangers. It's almost impossible to form emotional connections to people because you never feel like you're really there. Life feels like a dream you can't shut off. It messes with your perception so bad it makes you feel like an alien. Yet somehow, no therapist or psychiatrist has ever heard of or treated this specific disorder before, which only adds to the feeling of unreality.

[rapgod]

Much love to everyone suffering from derealization and depersonalization. Mine started 10 years ago and I'll never forget that feeling of being instantly wiped like a slate. One moment I had an identity and memories and understanding of the world around me, and the next, nothing. Worked like hell to build myself back up again and now I'm at the point where I can just say "I know this doesn't feel like my body right now, but it is and I will continue with my day"

[THEFlea]

Honestly I’m in tears reading the comments here. I haven’t cried in probably 5 or 6 years. I can’t overstate how comforting it is, to see that there ARE ACTUALLY others who are experiencing what I’m experiencing! That I’m not crazy, that I’m not alone!!

She put into words EXACTLY what I’ve been feeling. I could never describe it to anyone. She hit it on the head, all of it.

I hope you’re all able to recover as well, and are staying strong, too ✌️

[lucemoon]

I’ve experienced this a couple of times during extreme periods of stress, anxiety and depression. It’s like the hardest thing to even describe. Like nothing feels real or you’re not attached to anything. It’s kind of like being in a bubble. It feels like I have no emotional attachment to anything.

[khalilahd.]

I don’t think many people understand how debilitating this condition can be. Thank you for shedding light on this 💜

[dddforyou]

As a long long time depersonalization sufferer I’m glad vice is giving people with our condition a voice

[Erinski]

Her photographs really express the feeling of isolation from reality so well.

[brentsmith]

I’ve dealt with this for about 20 years. The easiest and hardest advice I can give is to stop fighting the feeling. Give into it, you’re body will go into autopilot, and keep going about its way. You’re not crazy, you’re not going crazy. It took me a little time, but once I got over the fear of that wave hitting me out of nowhere, I would literally laugh at myself, and say is that the best that you got? For me personally I don’t know if that feeling ever truly went all the way away, but it becomes your new normal. And when you snatch the fear from this battle, you take away its power. Just remember, it always goes away. A problem is only a problem when you think about it, be healthy and stay occupied even when your mind is racing. You have survived every other time, you are batting 1000. 🤟

[rageisbliss]

as someone with dpdr thank you vice for shedding light on this. much love to everyone that had to go through this you will get through it i promise

[jasnevas]

Usually caused by trauma or highly stressful events. A good book on this is “The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel van der Kolk

[brittraegrantham]

Dissociation is incredibly difficult to describe, especially if you’ve never heard someone else experience it. Thank you for this video. I’m not crazy!🎊 🎉

[drebugsita]

I have CPTSD and found it incredible when in my current psych noticed me dissociating in one of my early sessions with them. I have often felt that strange feeling that she describes so well, it's like a here-but-not-really-here sensation, as if you are in the passenger seat of your body rather than the driver. I am grateful she is sharing her experience and finding a way to channel it through her work

[tpsblqf]

I had my first episode of this condition about 7 years ago. I went to a psychiatrist and they did not know what to do. For the first 3-4 months I had panic attacks, was suicidal, and was could barely focus for more than a couple minutes. For years I felt like I was dead and I was watching my life from 5 feet above my body while the panic attacks persisted.

It’s been about a few years I have barely had any symptoms of this. Back when I had this there was barely any information on it so this is why I’m sharing this info. What i really think helped me get through it was:
Sleeping 7-8 hours a night - Staying away from caffeine as much as possible (this did help a lot) - Staying away from drugs( drinking) - regulating stress
When going through this, try to stay happy and watch a lot of comedic movies and laugh ! Get your body and blood pumping and try to feel alive as much as possible.
If your going through this now : you will get through it ! Take care your body and listen to what earth or universe is trying to tell you.
Thank you Vice for sharing this !! This is a very scary condition and we need more info on it .

[dade]

If you are reading this, I want you to know that you can overcome this!! is a horrible feeling but its just that a FEELING. It stems from your Anxiety disorder and no amount of medication will get you thru it unless you figure out and realize that if you CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK, YOU CHANGE HOW YOU FEEL! This is extremely difficult todo but hear me out. Sit with it and stop paying attention to how weird and uncomfortable it feels and stop worrying of how many years its been since you last felt normal or if you ever will. You are normal! If you have the ability to feel this way is because you are normal but you are going thru immense stress!! Your brain is so tired of the anxiety and stress that it wants to move away from your head leaving you with this damn feeling. I dealt with it for over 6 years of none stop feeling this way. The only place i felt “normal” was in my sleep! But then I realized that I was only able to feel depersonalized if I noticed it! And my brain was constantly noticing it. Thats when I realized it was more of a habit now than an actual issue. I would feel anxious or panicky and then boom depersonalized for days and weeks because I would keep noticing it. Go outside of your comfort zone. Make yourself anxious, make yourself depersonalized, tell yourself that this is nothing but an uncomfortable feeling and sit with it. Spin around whenever you feel the most depersonalized or anxious and you will see little by little how your own brain will start to realize that it is all a bluff!!

[this-is-slammin-]

I had this for about 18 months. After starting a taper off of klonopin.
I’m lucky to have survived it.
It feels like you are walking through life without a soul.

[taylamaree]

I had my first episode when I was 12 years old I described it to my mother as best I could. She didn’t understand and had her on things and struggles she was dealing with. I was left alone with living like this for 4 years. When it went away.. life went back to normal. Anytime I would remember it. I would feel myself slowly slipping away. Once it caught me and I had another episode for two weeks. When I came out I swore to myself I would never think about it or tell anyone. Years went by.. when I was 27 years old I woke up and was completely detached from reality. It was so terrifying. Like having an abusive ex knock on your door and just left themselves into your house. The difference is now I can articulate what I feel. I feel like I’m on auto pilot. It’s as if you are playing a game on a computer in first person mode. It blows my that I can do things without telling myself to do them. My body knows the routine of life. My mind obverses from the outside in.
I’m glad people to see vice doing a video on this. No one in my life understand and even cares to learn. It’s as if because I’m not screaming or crying in the streets that it’s not real.
The irony of that.. is that I don’t feel real anymore.
Your not alone DRDP people out there. 💛

[adrianquintana]

I’ve had this disorder since I was 10. It feels like you’re going crazy but understanding it and why my brain does it made me feel way better.

[meganlister]

I’ve struggled with it every day since I was eight, I’m eighteen now. I thought I was crazy for so long, the diagnosis four years ago saved my life. If you’re experiencing this disorder you’re absolutely not alone and you will get through it ❤️

[AlisonBryen]

I've had several episodes of this over the years as a response to severe anxiety and panic attacks. I experienced a deep sense of disconnection from the world, everything felt strange and unreal, I felt as though I was in a dream and watching the world through a veil of white noise. I felt as though I couldn't log in to the moment. I also experienced lots of existential questions about thr nature of reality, and obsessed about whether i even existed at all. It's an extremely frightening experience. I know now it was my brain trying to dissociate from the trauma of panic disorder, but in reality all it did was cause me so much more anxiety.

[Soiboyyy]

I had DPDR back in 2020 and it lasted for about six months. Those of you who are struggling, just know, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Its not permanent nor is it dangerous. It’s there to protect you. If you pay attention, it will show you areas in your life that you need to work on and change in order to 100% recover… Definitely a life teacher.