Living with dissociation - Joe's Story

Joe spoke with us about his experience of living with dissociation, a condition that affects 1 in 100 of us but is rarely diagnosed and commonly misunderstood.

[chrisfromcanada]

The way i describe this feeling is like your soul doesn't connect with your body, your in the passenger seat looking on while someone else is driving.

[cloudmonkeys]

"Living with the condition is hell but the grind of dealing with mental health services is often worse".

[urmom]

the part about not being able to feel positive about the future is so relatable. that’s why i feel so stuck like what’s the point?

[dreyddog]

Almost like the beginning of a panic attack. Like when you smoke marijuana and get too high. This is how this feels for me.

[justanobody]

All this plus anxiety plus depression it's just hell

[RedBanditGTA]

It feels batter knowing other people are suffering the same and that ultimately its not dangerous, its just seriously uncomfortable

[mgraulau]

I've recently realized that I've suffered from dissociation for much of my life. I almost feel as if I've been addicted to it. I've been to many therapists, psychiatrists and been on meds all of my adult life. I've been to very many incompetent and even unethical therapists with little change. The medical and therapeutic establishment will keep you coming back as long as their bills are getting paid. The work has to include getting in touch with your body and adapting to being present and centered. That no one has ever asked me about such a common symptom leaves me disillusioned with talk therapy. Somatic treatments need to be included, even if the establishment claims there is no proof. I'm the one that looked for it, and I'm the one that found it. I'm ready to put myself in charge of what I want and need. Much good luck to you.

[childofgod]

Oh my gosh it's like looking in the mirror with this guy. He just explained a huge part of my life. I'm going into this profession in hopes of healing myself and others like me.

[bageleater]

I struggle with this too, exercise, eating healthily, drinking lots of water, and meditation are the only medicine that helps. I hope you get better soon brother. all of these things will heal your brain better than you know, it just takes some time, its not instant.

[helenilindsell]

You're doing a great job of raising awareness and that is often the starting point to improving services. Thank you

[ernestoalvarado]

I’m going through this, something’s that have helped me was intense exercise, upper cervical alignment from chiropractor, meditation and rest. I feel this happened after a whiplash I suffered and blame it on my neck instability due to stretched neck ligaments (possibly caused by a pinched artery on my neck while sleeping on my stomach). One thing is true, I will not give up, and for those going through something similar, don’t give up. Stay strong!

[kellyely]

I'm so sorry that you have struggled so much with this and I can relate to the lack of support that you feel when you ask for help. I realized I was dissociating most of my childhood as a protective mechanism from narcissistic family system that forced compliance and never really individuated people so there was not much personality development going on during that time. I found once I left home that I "tried out" different personalities in an attempt to self actualize, but at no point did I see a future for myself and I sabotaged most of all my relationships that I did manage to find myself in (usually not knowing how I got into them) to avoid losing the little bit of myself that I actually liked. I took a decade developing my exercise, diet and work routine to pull me out of the darkness in my mind, even though it did not pull my out of my mind and into reality with which I still struggle. Unfortunately, I have found that being close to people is what causes me to start shifting and dissociating, and I've learned to track when it's happening, but still cannot make it stop. I wish you perseverance, stability and acceptance of yourself.

[ziganda]

A bad episode from smoking weed triggered this in me back in the mid 90s. Had it ever since. No longer feel human

[dearcole]

I was diagnosed as having short bouts of dissociation. I was attacked when I was a 13 year old child and lost approximately 8 months of time that I still can’t remember. Since then, when I would get triggered, I would have bouts where I would just “switch off”. I didn’t realize it was happening until I finally went to EMDR therapy with a specialist. Since then, I haven’t had as many episodes. It wasn’t as disruptive as this man’s experience. But it certainly opened my eyes and explained a lot when the professional explained it to me. Since the EMDR treatment, I haven’t had the same episodes, I’m back to a “regular” day to day activity level, and I don’t have nightmares like I used to. It was the best intervention I could find for long standing past severe trauma. It was this type of specialized trauma therapy - intense commitment to do it - sometimes 4-5 days a week for one hour. Not medication. I did take a medication periodically to help with the mood swings / panic attacks that came while doing the therapy, in place of self medicating with alcohol or drugs. I do not take those medications anymore.
Hope this helps someone else. Maybe.

[mindy]

So I just learned that I have this. For me, it helped to force myself to look at my hidden rage. My thoughts said to me: you don't need anyone else's permission you give yourself permission to feel this and you should be more angry. I'm surprised you don't feel more angry. And it was as if the cork holding all that pressure lifted...I felt myself relax in places that my body was holding tightly.

[ratelhoneybadger]

I pray all of us have the courage and patience to go on that long journey back to our complete, fully present selves. Been over 20 years of suffering for me.

[lisaslfamily]

The way i relate with everything the video is saying

[kahlodiego]

Help doesn't help. That's a slogan I came up with. It's an affliction of the soul. I want to create my own mental health system. I think at this point psychiatry should be learning from me. If you have a spiritual belief life is still worth it.

[gibsondegroot]

I have the same condition for many years now and i am 44.

[FBerserkerF]

If anyone is reading this and really resonates with what he's saying, I will let you know that there really is help available and I'm so sorry that it's hard to find.
I've been dissociated to varying degrees my whole life and only through finding a VERY good clinical psychologist who's trained in IFS, Hakomi and music therapy have I been able to make some headway with my dissociative depressive and avoidant behaviours. Most therapists aren't equipped to properly help people dealing with dissociation and trauma.
Don't stop trying, don't stop looking, it's taken 2 years of seeing my therapist regularly but now I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise you can do it too