Living with someone who has DID: 10 tips for communicating with their alters

In this video from The CTAD Clinic, Dr Mike Lloyd (Clinic Director) answers a subscriber question about how people with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) manage in long-term relationships (also applicable to those with Other Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD). The focus is on offering 10 tips for partners (or friends, colleagues, parents etc) of people with DID who want to develop communication with internal systems / alters. #otherspecifieddissociativedisorder #osdd #dissociativeidentitydisorder #did #therapy

[plumblossomed]

This was so helpful. I'm currently being divorced because of my DID, and have been regularly astounded by seeing folks with DID who have super supportive partners. It gives me hope that such love and support can exist and that my diagnosis is not something that will forever relegate me to having to walk this life alone. If I ever decide to risk another romantic relationship, these are very helpful tips, and I will definitely share them with any future partner.

[DoggyDoula]

The struggle is real, especially when you have DID and noone in your life knows...or believes in it. 😔💔

[binarystar]

Thank you for this video!
I try to avoid interaction of (younger/trauma) alters with my partner, because it is very uncomfortable and stressfull for all when that happens. I try to isolate myself in a quiet separate room if I feel an alter is triggered or close to the front, and let them write to our therapist or do something that comforts and acknowledges them like listening to a voice message from my therapist for the specific alter. I feel like I want privacy for my system, and not have my 'underage' alters interact with other people except other alters and our therapist. I don't think these alters want that either. I am so glad that I have enough awareness now so that most of the times this works, but not always...

[Rat_Queen]

My husband has truly been my rock throughout all of this.
He is one of the only people in my life who is truly caring and supportive. Im so lucky to have him.

[enoch]

I was astounded by the efforts made by some of my alters to reach out to my husband, asking for help and even one passing the torch of their own "job" to this person on the outside of the system.
This opened up so much room for healing and deepening our marriage.
Communication and compassion are #1 for us.

[sad_doggo]

I figured out with a friend I've become very close with that it's as much a learning process for us as for them. There is shame in being ourselves with them, and there is confusion in knowing how to act because we've kept to ourselves since finding out. So recently I (Dai, the one who actually befriended them) decided that it would just be me interacting with them. Then I still couldn't stop talking about my alters because they're so important to me. It's like I'm trying to have my own life without actually having my own life. But overall the overriding feeling is just fear and shame because the instinct is to hide it and being open and normalizing it in a relationship is like swimming against the current.

[kimz]

Host/they are never a burden for me. I want to know as much as i can, I want to be there for them and do everything i can to help each one of the alters. I love them all and they are just a wonderful person in so many ways. How can i not want to take care of them and love them? Thank you so much for all this information!

[davidrada]

Been in a relationship with my wife for over 20 years who has DID. I "know" all 8 alters pretty well. But I've been working on for a decade is to encourage communication between my wife and "our girls." Many times I feel like I'm getting in the way of that discourse between host and her alters. Love them all but I have the nagging feeling that my wife is missing out on unique perspectives of herself. Just wish she could have the same conversations I have with the "girls."

[kovi]

Thank you so much for answering my question! I’m going to share this with my partner and start applying some of these tips. Love the channel and information as always!

[no]

I was diagnosed a few months back. Thank you so much for your channel. It has been incredibly helpful.

[hightechsystem_]

The approach in this video sounds about right for systems seeking final fusion. I found some of the content towards the end of the video came across to me as seeing some alters as second class in the system. Probably not want you intended based on your words at 2m22s in this video. - It would be really helpful to have this content reworked in a part two video for different type of systems where there are clearly multiple hosts, the system is not masking in public and is openly plural, and the system is seeking functional multiplicity in context of managing relationship/s. Something that might be better worded for systems more like the Gianu system, the hydra coven system, the pizza system, etc. - as always we feel your content is thoughtful and compassionate.

[The_Cyber_System]

This is really nice to see. We don't have a partner but want one, and since a lot of our trauma is relational we struggle with this kind of stuff a lot. Having a guidebook makes a world of difference

[Oserymontauren]

I am in a polyamorous relationship with two different systems and I’m currently in a relationship with two members or each system. Both systems have excellent support networks from their respective therapists and our collective community who are aware of them being systems as well as our chosen family. Hands down these are the best communication I’ve ever had and we are all very happy together. There are always hard days and struggles we have but such is the case for any relationship. Your channel has been so helpful to me as a the only singlet in our polycule and I cannot thank you enough for making these videos.

[TiffanyTeaLeaves]

These comments make me both happy for all of you with support and devastated for my system without any.

I wish I could have a life partner biochemically matched for each of our needs and strengths and have the cocktail person sent to the pharmacy pick pick up

[MarciaB]

My husband wants me to move to the UK so I can be treated My Dr. Lloyd, and believe me, if i thought there was a way l would do it. He was dead serious. ❤

[zaideaben]

Thank you for always providing such wonderfully informative videos. I love watching every one of them. :)

I got diagnosed with DID right before my insurance ended a few years ago, so I haven't been able to really seek proper help for it. I'm very curious what therapy will eventually look like for me because there's still so much I don't understand about myself, but your videos help me to not feel afraid. I feel prepared and at peace, like this is no bigger a hurdle than my other health issues. Thanks for making this disorder more navigable and less intimidating, even for those of us who just getting started.

[incanthatus]

We're in relationship with another system and it's definitely a lot of work sometimes XD
Especially trying to remember the different people's stories and stuff, updating everyone about everyone.
But the work definitely feels worth it. Healthiest relationship we've ever had.

[kairichardson]

Watching this and realizing how lucky I am to have a partner that intuitively knew what to do in a lot of these situations when I didn't especially at the beginning of our diagnostic process. Thank you for making this video for systems and their partners to better understand one another

[saltydinonuggies]

My bf already had a family member with DID and has had friends with DID before so he was fully accepting and wlecoming. Hes the only person on the planet that me and my system feel fully safe with. Even alters who have no idea who he is know hes just a safe person and they can go to him if they need help (though they dont have to). He helped us get out of our toxic home and has been a massive part of our healing over the past two and half years. Its a constant discussion between us and those of us that can try to kepe him up to date on important system changes.

[anamariamonteroborges]

Excellent!!! This is so helpful considering that it integrates the reality of the person with DID and her relationship with others not only with the therapist!!! Thank you so much