How to Build Closer Friendships & Get Rid Of Loneliness

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Why is adult friendship so hard?

Today, Mel is finally having the conversation on how to find your people, have more fun, and create meaningful friendships as an adult.

In this deeply relatable episode, you’ll learn the 5 lies that you tell yourself about friendship that are keeping you from having the best relationships of your life—and the truths you must know.

If you’ve been feeling lonely, left out, or just like your friendships are not as strong as they used to be, you’ll feel empowered and encouraged by the time you finish listening.
Mel is giving you her exact 3-step playbook for finding, making, and strengthening your relationships. This is an encore episode with new and exciting insights from Mel at the top of the episode, that is packed with tools, tips, and scripts to create more meaningful friendships.

I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode.

00:00:00 Intro
00:01:18 Do you make this same mistake while scrolling through social media?
00:03:28 If you're doing this, you're sabotaging your friendships.
00:05:17 If you take away anything from this episode, let this be it.
00:08:26 The first lie you tell yourself that’s preventing true friendship.
00:10:34 We all do this, and it makes you feel like a loser.
00:12:55 You don’t need a lot of friends; you only need THIS type of friend.
00:17:38 This Ivy League research reveals why you hesitate reaching out to new friends.
00:19:53 You’ve been lying to yourself since childhood about this type of friendship.
00:23:05 Holding on to old friendships that no longer work?
00:26:42 If you’re a people pleaser, you need to start doing this instead.
00:31:46 Use this tool to become flexible in your friendships.
00:36:19 How many hours it takes to make a new friend, according to research.
00:44:12 Do this one thing every day to strengthen your friendships.

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[jjjjk]

I had tons of friends as long as I was the one initiating the conversations and doing the inviting. Once I decided I’m no longer going to have one-sided relationships, I have very few friends. It’s very sad. Guess I haven’t met the right people yet who are willing to give as much as they receive. I will never again chase people and push friendships in which I’m the only one making the effort. It is a two-way street.

[flipphone]

Shout out to the introverts who feel pressured to have more and deeper friendships. You’re ok the way you are. You aren’t aloof or cold or shy or any of the other labels people put on you. It’s good to be introverted and accept yourself the way you are built.

For those who want more, excellent advice, Mel.

[melodyanderson]

I haven’t been on social media since 2018. It’s very liberating not knowing what others are up to. If you are not calling me or contacting me on a regular basis, I don’t need to know what you are up to.

[vickieaguilar]

It’s so crazy seeing Mel, a person with a successful podcast, author and speaker, having the same feelings of being on the outside looking in just like me.

[genealotech]

I was once invited to a Christmas party where I was told by the host that my parents didn’t raise me correctly because I don’t throw parties and invite my neighbors. In front of a bunch of strangers. It was at that point I decided I wasn’t interested in trying to be friends with them.

[AdrianaGarcia-hcrv]

What we all need is a real social media detox and LIVE

[ramonaearnest]

I miss the old days before cell phones when friends and neighbors would just drop by randomly and you would be happy to see them and you would ask them to come in and cook for them. If there was a funeral everyone came from all around to attend the funeral and they would bring food and they would stay until they knew you were starting to heal from the loss . Many young people I know nowadays have never even attended a funeral. They feel like it's unnecessary and they don't want to deal with it. Sadly!

[dawndevilliers]

I do solo travel, I do solo breakfasts, I do solo beach trips, I do solo everything. As it is easier and hurt less than the rejection. Eventually you give up.

[DonaldE.Robins]

This is a great Video. This brings back painful memories which i have been enduring. My relationship of 5 years ended 3 months ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.

[annbanks]

I just listened to your video. I find it rather frustrating. I'm nearly 60 years old and single. I work a full-time job. I don't have a lot of friends because I don't have time to make friends. As a single person, I'm busy mowing my lawn, doing my laundry, cleaning my house, working out, and numerous other things that have to be done. It's a huge struggle as a single person to have friends and a social life. Most of the single people I know feel the same way. There just aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done. I would love to see a podcast about navigating single life. How do I work out, keep up my house, keep up my vehicle, and a dozen other things that I'm not remembering at the moment.

[TLZ]

Oh forget hanging out. I cant even get "friends" to answer a text. So i stop trying. And guess what? Those people disappear. At least i know its on them and i just refocus on hanging out with my kids.

[jennydrozd]

I'm loving my introvert era. Wish I did it years ago! And luckily my grandma taught me as a teenager to never compare myself to others. I don't look at what others are doing and get jealous. I don't attach my value or life to what others are doing. I'm super confident I'm making the best choice to take myself out of the 'meeting new people' equation right now. When you're off, you attract the wrong people anyway. I've lived a life of people-pleasing. Now, I'm pleasing myself, and that's it! I highly recommend it.

[vcorucx]

This is how i feel like everyone has plans all the time and i don’t

[focusedfreebird]

No one has friends because everyone is staring into their phone living in a pretend world. Live in real life. Turn off phone. Go meet and talk to real people.

[LolaAileenVanslette]

Spent my entire life without friends. It sucks! I wish I could make new friends, but there's no one nearby to spend time with.

[barbaralazier]

Friendship is hard work but well worth it.

[elizabeths]

4am friend? Sounds amazing. But I have never had one of those in my life.

[meatdog]

I never look at Instagram or ANY other social media. I moved 2 years ago with the intention of getting a life again. I'm still "waiting". My best friend is 700 miles away, I joined a church to meet people and make friends, not happening. So I'm listening.

[precioushopeatchison]

Probably one of the most important podcasts I have heard in a long time. There are new people I want to get to know. Yet I get stuck thinking about people who feel I have ghosted. I get paralyzed. I am 70. Its time to get out. Thank you for being on the journey with us.

[Doc]

I have a very small group of friends. They are worth all the effort I have. I lost contact with many for a while bc we all were too exhausted with our kids to have the energy to connect. I deleted all social media- made me feel insecure and unhappy. I spent any extra time I have at the gym (where I made great friends) and actually calling a friend or my family. Never been happier