faith, depression, guilt, feeling, healing / last sunday of 2024

This one was deep. I've been in my tears, which feels good, just letting them be. I have a hard time with letting myself cry. But afterwards, in comparison to before, it feels nice. Surrendering and releasing

Filmed Dec 29th 🫶🏽

00:00 church context
01:40 going/how i felt
03:30 my beliefs
04:19 questioning god
04:28 learning
05:41 money lessons
09:15 crossing over
12:22 the future

Sending positive vibes. It's okay. You got this 🫶🏽

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[McGbub]

Hey, thanks for having the courage to upload this video, and most of your others if I'm honest. I can't say i can completely understand your situation as nobody can ever know what's going on in someone else's head but a lot of what you have said resonates with me, being around the same age and some of the things your said made me think 'this sounds just like my life' . I too come from a poor background, never been coddled much, not much money, whilst friends were getting cars and holidays paid for, i had to miss out or just save it all up myself. There was always a 'just get up and get on with it' attitude growing up - which has been working fine for me up until about the last few years or so. About a week ago the damn broke and the physical effects these 'mental issues' are causing is unbelievable - no energy, feeling sick, tired when I've slept loads, simple walk to the shops will decimate me. Or the emotional outbursts that just get brought on by something so simple as putting cold water in my tea, it's like I'm uncontrollable. Currently signed off work trying to figure out exactly what i need to do to get back on track, or maybe i need to change the track completely - maybe the track i was on was the wrong track.
When I look at objectively, I have a house, friends and family and a decent-paying job. So why I not happy? They say to find a life purpose, have spent the past two weeks trying to figure that out and I still do not know what that is. Idk I'm rambling now, but that's another factor of it all, your brain just doesn't want to co-operate. I'm glad to hear you had a great Christmas, I'm sure your son loves you and will love you for all his days, you seem incredible and the fact your reflecting so much on it all and how you truly want to provide for him in the best way possible - whilst I don't know your money struggles, emotionally and through love he will be rich. The future is bright, there will be shit days, weeks, and months, but overall it is bright - it's just hard to see and hard to believe. Especially so when you don't really know what you're doing in life, just going through the motions your expected to.

Sorry again, rambled about myself too much but what are we as humans if not a little selfish. Will be looking at your other vids to see steps of your journey, so again, thankyou for being this vulnerable and open so freely.

Take care,
Another person on this rollercoaster called 'life'