Depression and Late Diagnosed Autistic Adults #autism #asd

Hi! I'm Orion Kelly and I'm Autistic. #ActuallyAutistic #orionkelly #autism #autismsigns #whatautismfeelslike #asd

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Orion Kelly is an #ActuallyAutistic vlogger (YouTuber), podcaster, radio host, actor, keynote speaker and Autistic advocate based in Australia. Orion is all about helping you increase your understanding, acceptance and appreciation of Autistic people.

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[Saybleu]

At 57 years old and what feels like a life wasted, you just described my life’s resume.

[Jae-byhf]

And financial too! So many of us can’t work (for long periods anyway) and with the cost of living being ridiculous, we are suffering & have been set up for failure.

[lisa_wistfulone]

Diagnosed late, two years ago, at age 52. I’ve worked through a lot of the emotions that were about my own experience. But I’m carrying a large pile of emotional baggage that, by not knowing, I wasn’t able to help set my kids up for greater potential success and give them better awareness and strategies than what I grew up with…

[annakilifa]

I don't think that looking back is the problem here. Sometimes you just need to grieve something. If you have only just actually realized how life has done you wrong I think it can be very natural to grieve the better life you didn't have, the opportunities you didn't have, the self-acceptance or anything else you didn't have. A lot of people with traumatic childhoods go through a grieving process as adults, where they grieve the good childhood they never got to have. Sometimes coming to terms with something is a process. Sometimes you need to process your feelings about it. I think that's just very human.

[JoeJoeTater]

An important thing to consider is "If your caregivers had known you're autistic, would they have actually given you the support you needed?". As an adult, you get to be your own parent. You have direct access to your internal experience. If something isn't right for you, you can introspect and make changes accordingly (asterisk for alexithymia). You're not flying blind the way your parents were.

I was diagnosed with ADD as a kid. My parents were loving, but all of my treatment revolved around trying to make me act neurotypical, rather than trying to help me be the best version of myself. I was given harsh stimulants against my will. I was not believed when I said a treatment didn't work for me or didn't make sense. I was pushed to disclose my condition to teachers who, more often than not, wrote me off as a lost cause. The few who treated me with compassion did so to all of their students anyways. Most of my "accommodations" were socially alienating. No attention was given to growing my strengths, it was all about patching over weaknesses (often time at the expense of strengths).

As an adult self diagnosing with autism, I feel a lot of the same frustrations you're having. Like, if I'd known to look for healthy autistic coping mechanisms and that my unexplained differences were just more neurodiversity instead of a "moral failing", maybe things would have gone differently. I suspect it wouldn't have made much of a difference though. Like, I knew about the ADD/ADHD component of my nature, but I spent most of my life trying to deny it. As a kid, I loved that part of myself but was forced to try and hide it. For most of my adult life, I pretended it didn't exist because I'd internalized that it was a fault. (At the same time, I still went to great lengths to hide it... a little hypocritical, lol)

Anyways, I don't think our problem is the time of diagnosis; it's the fact the we live in an intolerant, hateful society. If they didn't try to force everyone into one mold, being different wouldn't be a problem. (see: societal model of disability)

[ChaoticAnswers]

The thing that gets me teary the most is imagining myself in "another now" that didn't face the "what is wrong with me" with genuine concern and perusing an answer and facing it like before a rhetorical question of self loathing. I'm so lucky I'm finding myself and my self isolation is retracting because I was terrified my life would be a burden on anyone new.

[katielykens]

totally! also confusing to adjust to understanding everyone else doesn't think like I do/have the same challenges. so the world is not like I thought it to be. also you spend your life self depricating because you wonder "why can't I do xyz like everyone else".

[rose]

I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 31, but now that I'm 53 I'm thinking I just might have ADHD, and I relate to a lot of what you're saying about certain autistic traits. When I was a senior in high school a friend said about me in the Senior Predictions, "Rose stops analyzing, and starts living". It really hurts when I think about how different my life might have been had I actually gotten the help I needed in my youth. My parents always insisted that I was fine, and was choosing to act different.

I love my late mother, and I do miss her, but she was a perfectionist which hurt me a lot in my life. She vehemently believed that she was always right about everything, and when she was wrong, or made a mistake she never apologized.

All my life I have felt deeply flawed, and that I was an outsider. I don't know how I am supposed to heal, or get any better without any help, or treatment. I didn't get any real psychiatric help until I went away to college!

[markjd]

A month and a bit since my diagnosis at 48 and no bout of depression. Its been a weight off the shoulders tbh. So good that I now know I can't help some things and have to accept they will happen. Long may this feeling continue. 🎉

[raven]

At 59, I found out I was in autistic burn out. And what masking was, and that I didn't know who I even was. I decided to start my life again on my 60th birthday. I'm aiming to be the person my 12 year old self would have thought was cool. Now I'm learning how to play a bass guitar. I'm still grieving the little girl who missed out, and the lost life, but I'm making a new one at the same time and it's strange.

[charrogate]

My late ASD diagnosis was a great weight lifted off my shoulders.

Yes, grieving is part of the healing rebooting process.

The past can't be changed, but the future can. 🌞

Others (family members with certain autism) who passed away never having had the good fortune to be diagnosed know no better.

[jonbrown]

Uh wow...this is scarily accurate. I often feel this way.

Then I think about how much worse my life could have been and how lucky I am...then I push myself to get over it.

[fffra]

I have been diagnosed at 40, last year.
I have always known i could never ever have felt accepted, happy, or relaxed with any other.
At least i know it's not my fault.
I still feel hopeless and occasionally sad and frustrated, but i consider a decent accomplishment not hating myself anymore.

[ImmortalAmbitions]

So legit.
“It is my standard operating procedure TO LOOK BACK”

[belgadog]

it's like you read my mind. I just participated in a trial for treatment resistant depression. no, not drugs, it is called rTMS, for 6 weeks, mon-fri. I feel a little better, but my life is the same. I feel either sad/resigned vs angry+frustrated. I never had children(im a female, born as a female). kids sometimes scare me(very small ones) Once they can talk to me, its ok. I am married. my parents did not know "what the hell is wrong" with me..i am alive. my father died a few years ago (in his 60s due to severe alcoholism) my mother is alive, but a horrible person and i avoid her at all costs. I did finish high school with very good grades(i love to read). I barely work, sometimes i dread going outside and some other nonsense. Its like you read my life story. Thank you for representing everyone who is not neurotypical. I have not been diagnosed with autism, at least not yet.

[shirleygill]

Yes exactley going through school hell of it no support just life of abuse brought on bipolar parents done nothing im so angry life of abuse

[Fathomorg]

I was diagnosed with autism last week at the age of 23. A lot of our lives feel determined by our early years and upbringing, but I won't let that stop me from making the best of what I've got so far. This diagnosis has given me a renewed sense of self, and a path forward. I'm grateful that it came now rather than never.

[RussellArrowsmith]

This exact thing happened to me this month. It's such a rollercoaster

[ljsong]

Yep. Adhd too. If I knew then what I know now, I would have medicated for ADHD and worked on Autistic issues. I would have done therapy for understanding delayed and asynchronos social and emotional development. I would have focus on education and job skills and getting a job to make sure I wouldn't have been underemployed/unemployed. I might have been a functioning member of society. I am not a functioning member of society. I'm exhausted about my life. The PTSD is real, too. It all adds up on itself. Unbearable at this point. I'm only 44 and ready to have a meteor hit me so I can just call it all quits.

[SheerMagnetismDarling]

Keep doing a great job Orion 👏 excellent work bro 😎