Why INFJs and INFPs Don’t Fit In

INFJ personality types and INFP personality types often struggle with fitting into society because we hold different values than most of the mainstream population. Modern-day society tends to value competition and aggression, and also tends to focus on scarcity, winning, domination, and right vs. wrong.

INFJ personality types and INFP personality types are natural healers and hold the values of healer consciousness, which is focused on compassion, harmony, seeing all sides of a situation, and holding opinions lightly, so as to allow room for movement and change. These kinds of values and this kind of focus can feel threatening and confusing to many people in mainstream society.

INFJ personality types and INFP personality types tend to run into problems because we so badly want to be understood by others. So, when we realize that our values clash with the values of most other people in the mainstream, we usually decide to try harder to explain where we are coming from and why we feel the way we do. However, this doesn’t often work and we only end up in a deeper conflict with the other party, and feeling worse about ourselves.

The most helpful thing you can do as an INFJ personality type or INFP personality type is to remove yourself from as many of society’s games as possible, live your own life, and focus on your own values. Conserve your energy by choosing not to argue with others who are at a lower consciousness level. Instead, let them have their beliefs and focus your energy on your own personal growth and evolution.

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[colonelgraff]

It’s not just about fitting in, it’s about choosing not to impress others just so we can make connections. Genuine connections aren’t forced.

[staciehaneline]

I'm 43 years old. When I look around I'm really glad I don't fit in.

[jeffreypmitchell]

It’s no complement to fit into a messed up world.

[MomandBuggs]

The problem is we INFP’s and INFJ’s value authenticity and we kind of believe everyone else does too. INFP’s Especially when we are young and naive it’s projection in a sense. But soon we come to a rude awakening when people start treating us with contempt, using us and taking us for granted. INFJ’s want to help people and fall into bad situations too

[grim]

I used to think not fitting in was a curse, but it's actually a superpower. The right people will gravitate to you for genuine connections. I will always be a radical weirdo but I own it now. Some people love that.

[katec]

You are so accurate with your understanding of us. I feel very drained by the constant competition and aggression in our society. Sometimes I have participated in it through necessity ie to get a job or accepted onto a course, and have won and beaten others, but after a while I realised the prize wasn't actually something that made me happy at all. I'd prefer to live quietly in a cottage somewhere with a garden, self employed with animals, a nice partner, a few friends and a peaceful life of nature, good food and peace. I had a life like this for a few years, I am aiming to build a life like this again for myself.

[SelenaSea]

_"These shamans and healers, men and women, typically live on the outer rims of the village. They are _*_in_*_ the village but not _*_of_*_ the village. Their role is to know the rhythms of the natural world while, at the same time, observe the rhythms of human culture."_

We need you more than ever, INFJs & INFPs – healers, prophets, diviners, artists, and custodians of wellness and harmony. ✨️

As both leaders and outsiders of society, you're able to communicate, in myriad beautiful ways, vital concepts from beyond the ordinary perceptions of everyday life that many of us just can't see.

You keep us, the sleepwalkers, awake! 😍

Thank you, @Lauren. 🙏🏻

[michellethompson]

I’m a 51 yr old (F) INFP. I’ve been awkward and struggled socially my whole life. I feel cursed and lonely in this world.

[prschuster]

I'd rather discuss than debate, but somehow discussions turn into debates.

[rubycubez]

My eyes roll extra hard when ppl describe themselves as compassionate and open minded when they're really not. Most ppl interact with others just to be heard. Ppl share their opinions for others to either agree with them or to argue just to argue. Its rare for ppl to look at ideas objectively. Its rare for ppl to truly emphasize/ sympathize with others unless they've experienced it themselves.

I like the idea of interacting with others and sharing ideas but realistically I leave most social interactions extremely drained because most ppl are only interested in having an audience. I feel like Ive walked through life collecting facts about ppl but I can confidently say no one knows who I truly am. Not even my own mother. Its very lonely.

[JudithMoran-gk]

I’m 75 years old and have struggled to find ways to be with people. Most people seem to find me annoying. Lately, I have chosen to simply avoid anyone who is irritated by me. My life is much more peaceful.

[RoseAmina-olkd]

I was waiting for this topic for so long. Not fitting in is THE biggest struggle/pain of my life. I would love to build the community of like minded people who share the same values, but they are so rare to find...

[jordandomingue]

You got me! I bother people too much when I ask “why”, or engaging questions to get their positions. It’s usually perceived as a threat or a challenge to their position, intellect, or even character.

[deborahwolff]

I believe I should remove myself from conversations, spot on! It's a waste of energy!

[TheLordsbattleaxe]

Yep, hard to fit in anywhere. Hard struggle for sure.

[janetleeadams]

I really enjoy your videos. I don't like bringing attention to myself, but I am a hyper sensitive, INFJ Virgo. Sometimes I get very tired of myself; other times I get very tired of everyone else. On the whole, I am grateful to be me and alive.

[BiblicallyHandle]

In addition,
Try other out other countries. I’ve noticed throughout traveling that your personality traits can align more with a culture in other nations as opposed to your own.

[goldilocks]

I used to be like this but the past few years have made me more fixed in my opinions because I don’t feel that there’s an openness to my opinions and only the mainstream narrative is allowed. It’s not a pleasant feeling at all.

[staciehaneline]

I can definitely see all sides of a conflict.

[Patricio-]

I've done the 16personalitytype test a couple of times. First time infj, second time infp. I can definitely identify with these feelings. It's nice to know there are people out there who understand me, even if I can't find them.