3 Simple Steps to End Dating Confusion — Susan Winter

Dial past confusion and secure the relationship's reins. The clarity you seek starts with you. The partner with the clearest goals controls the relationship. When you’ve given that info to your mate, how do they handle this? That gives you your next move on the game board.

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[hugograjales]

Susan I love you so much, thank for all your wonderful guidance.
Just today, I got my answer from a guy I started dating since January. We seemed to get along and things went well . But I didn't know how to bring up the question until yesterday evening before he left my place, I grabbed his hands and said to him gently " I have got something important to tell you, I would love to be in a relationship in relationship with you and I find that you're the one I have been looking for and I would love to share my heart with you "
Just today, he felt compelled to tell me the truth that he only wants to be friends with me ( by texting ) and I asked him if we could talk on the phone and he was surprised to hear a calm voice ( he was expecting an angry drama voice) so I said to him that enough time had passed by and it was important to be clear with what I want and where I would see myself in the future and he told me that his intuition was telling him that I was not the one for me . So I said to him " well then it was a good thing I brought up the subject of a relationship because now we know what we both want and I would not have to wait till summer or maybe the of the year to know what to expect "
So it's over,
You're definitely right, we have to be clear with what we want because these confused people in the dating scene could waste our time while we are waiting for an answer.
At the end of the conversation on the phone he said that he was surprised to see that I was calm and rational .
I guess he thought I would just go berserk on the phone screaming and blaming .
3 months of time wasting,
I learnt my lesson .

[Eyat]

I don’t know you but I love you already, I just discovered you recently. I’d wish for a friend like you

[kpopangel]

Thank you for saying that it is okay to make our dating intentions clear from the beginning. I've been watching many dating coaches advices for quite a while now and some of them (mostly men) would say that it is not okay to date with agenda, that it kinda put pressures on the guy and that would result in them leaving us. But with that said, I feel that we ladies, who wants a serious relationship, would be at a disadvantage. I feel that way, we wasted our time in being with someone who does not even share the same end goals. So thanks for letting us know that it is okay to do so. :) Love your videos.

[vANIBO]

Always brilliant advice and you stressing the importance of being transparent and communicating openly is everything ! Everything anyone will ever need to end the dating confusion ! Thank you so much !

[anushkafernando]

oh dear.... you are one of a kind....every video i learn and store and write down something...i have so much clarity

[tessa]

Great advise Susan! I love all your advice! I’m a no non-sense person and I hate all these dating games! Thank you for sharing!

[stephenciotti]

Good morning!
More words of wisdom.
Thanks again.

[lovelee]

Thank you for you honest approach. Its refreshing.

[boomerangsruckflug]

Very good Susan, thanks so much. I also came to the conclusion if we want to find someone whom we can have an open conversation with, we need to be open ourselves from the very beginning. 💮🐝

[raccuia]

The reason why people have confusion about dating is that they worry worry worry about minutia. The goal of a date is to enjoy the date. Nothing more, nothing less. Whether you go to dinner or a movie or a picnic or a bar or coffee. Then after the date you might go back to 1 of the homes and continue the date. It might or might not involve physicality. But to put so much pressure on yourself and your date setting goals and wanting to know what the other persons goals are will poison the enjoyment of the date.
If you start to see this person more often then you can start to discuss goals in a non overbearing manner. It will unfold in a natural way. Stop worrying about what you or other people think. Just relax. Enjoy the date and the moment and as time passes things will sort themselves out.

[jeffthewhiff]

Ms. Winter, you always have such informative videos and I couldn't agree with you more about being clear and concise with a potential life partner. I have always felt that "communication" is the most important factor when dating.

[anirbansen]

What I like is your amazing emphasis on being honest and clear about emotions and feelings. I've heard from a lot of dating coaches that never tell a person if you like them, and similar statements...I believe honesty and clarity of thoughts is essential for a healthy and sustainable relationship

[nikstar]

Know what you want Articulate it in your language.... Watch their actions, are we on the same page?

Thank you... omg your video about when men get threatened too much they shut down, omg everything has clicked for me and I have been looping for 3 and a half months about why he broke up with me but it is getting way easier .... especially listening to you Susan, you have helped so much xxx

[christinecarlos]

You are brilliant & sooo evolved Susan. You are a living goddess-- like a physical manifeststion of Kwan Yin. You give very mature, wise & sound advice. So contrary to what other "coaches" out there who seem so immature & shallow-- into "game playing" instead of being honest & communicating properly.
You truly are a blessing. You validated my decision.

While dating this recent man in my life, I have been watching your videos to mentor & coach me.
I was dating a man for 2 months. I consulted your videos during thoses dark times of 2 weeks when I got the "information" from this man after sleeping w/ him WHILE we spent a few days at the beach. Yep, a couple of dates is not enough & IS too soon. He dropped the bomb on me at the beach that "he was not ready for a relationship" & he had conditions-- "don't expect to meet any of my friends & family members". I knew he was struggling w/ depression. He was seeing a psychiatrist & taking meds. He is divorced (His ex was also into coke & got pregnant w/ her lover while married to him. Emotional baggage here & perhaps unhealed issues.) He said he was still "healing" & had just broken up w/ a billionairess, heiress ex girlfriend (who I knew) who expected him to run her businesses & was pushing him to make his career fly & make money so he can support her. He wasn't prepared for that. He was also openly snorting cocaine-- a habit w/c I think developed while working as a gourmet French chef since his early 20s in the kitchens of California. He took weed daily-- starting early in the morning. All this was information w/c I gathered during the dates & at the beach (w/c was good info).
I was still ecstatic at the beach & could not react to his "conditions & rules" BUT I started thinking after & also observed his hot & cold behavior. Went out again-- & he again invited me to spend a weekend at the beach but I turned the invitation down. Then had a heart to heart talk & "blew the bridge". Told him how I felt, that it wasn't equal-- he could circulate in my circle & parties as my way of making him get to know me through my friends & activities while I'm "hidden" & treated like a mistress by a single man. (Not to mention the insensitive comments of finding this or that woman attractive at my parties. Didn't say this anymore.)
I'm not a prude & I've been around-- but I told him I don't feel comfortable sleeping w/ him considering his "conditions" & his not being ready for a relationship when I knew that I run the risk of being emotionally involved & hurt because I was attracted to him on many levels & he did have many wonderful qualities. Told him yes we had sex too soon. I need to be in a more exclusive & concrete relationship wherein I knew the man was into me 100% if I were to feel good & safe being intimate w/ someone.
I feel I communicated this very clearly & as kindly as I could but I'm sure my pain, frustration & anger were obvious. There was a sting & pain for me & for him too but I had to be true to myself & to what I felt I deserved. This was self care, self respect & self worth.
I watched your video on blowing up the bridge too soon. Sometimes I wonder if I "blew up the bridge" too soon because there were compatibilities BUT deal breakers, conclict in values & major turn offs-- like recreational use of cocaine & ecstasy & regular use of weed & alcohol while battling depression. I don't use any drugs & alcohol-- & I'm into spirituality, prayer, daily meditation practice, wellness, healing, self- care, self- development. However, I know I would still discover the info that I uncovered like Bluebeard's new wife opening the closet w/c she was told not to open.

While listening to this video, I felt you validated my decision. 1 1/2 months after this heart to heart talk & no contact (except trivial once in a while likes in Facebook w/c he initiated after 2 weeks.), I feel I have recovered. I'm busy w/ projects & self development & career/ creative goals (I'm a professional singer (jazz, bossa nova), actor, filmmaker, scriptwriter, head of research (I have an MA in Film & bachelor in Art History). Busy w/ documentaries I am making.
Also, I don't hate him. Past the anger stage. I have released him to his highest good & really bless him w/ the Grace of healing, finding his own spirituality, recovery, guidance & finding a renewed purpose in life. Perhaps, as you said in your other video, he sensed that I was a higher, more evolved being & it can be intimidating & tiring for those like him who are stuck & are into escape & refuse to face their demons. (He is also younger by 8 years. I'm very physically attractive & very fashionable yet very down to earth, funny, fun & radiate both confidence & kindness.) We are both very creative, both artists & sensate creatures. He is a chef/ painter.
He enjoys my company & talking to me, confiding in me.
I have done my own self work for years. I commit to my healing & transformation up to my last breath.
Hopefully my light w/c he experienced & my good wishes for him help him on his healing journey.
For now, I have to work on myself, my various dreams-- & I have to soar.
Thank you for helping me heal & clarify matters. Thank you for helping me still hope & believe in love in these murky waters of modern dating, cynicism & jadedness.
Love & light & blessings of abundance, joy & good health.

[ParadoxxFoxx]

brilliant and simple as always!! thank you Susan ❤️

[daynaannsvekla]

I am so grateful for your channel Susan, you have changed my perspective on the "why's" of my dry dating life, and its been far too long... I've been dating younger men now since 2014 and, I am finally dating! lol... 💕 You.

[zhangfan]

So simple steps which always lies the best advice !!!! Susan thank you !!

[MA-]

Know what you want, clearly state it, watch the reaction.

[jjuniper]

I love the "Holding Signal" idea. :)

[lourvm]

Great advice! Loved it! Thank you, Susan!