Can Men and Women Be Just Friends?

Some people say no, some people say yes. In this video, I take a look at the question 'Can Men and Women be Just Friends'?

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[jaclynwright]

You’ve kind of framed the “friend zone” in a different light. It’s quite interesting. I was friends with a guy in high school. I considered him only a friend and didn’t see until many years later, as an adult, that he liked me more than that. I never understood how he could see that relationship as more than just friends but you just explained it. He wasn’t used to getting that kind of emotional depth in a friendship so he put greater meaning on it. While I’ve always shared that amount of emotional intimacy with all of my friends so I saw it no different to those.

[chilloften]

I just adore that a man will actually go and think this deeply on a subject and then discuss it. Thank you. Merry Christmas 🎄

[ryuhoshi]

My personal take is generally females can have platonic friendship with males but not the other way around. It seems a male's friendship with a female has a certain level or sexual attraction undertone(could be high or low), but a female can close to completely have none attraction to a male and has no problem having a platonic friendship.

[victorabayomi]

In Africa, as a Man, you have to be strong and bottle up your emotions, which makes most men see emotional closeness from a lady as romance. We are really starved emotionally over here, that we drink and form strong outside but cry in secrets. Our culture about men is so strong, as an INFJ guy I need to fake things outside to escape the mockery. That's why I won't want a friendship with a lady because I will rely on her and make it romantic, I would rather find one who wants a romantic one with me and then I open up.

[yjklee]

It’s interesting as an INFJ female having more guy friends than girls. I think I resonate more with the males in the study rather than females.

[lancelotdufrane]

Men seem “available “ to their sisters and mothers. So, they enjoy the connection. Women are looking for emotional connection, in most relationships. Society, has caused the disconnect. The best/long lasting/ honest, relationships.... are those that “allow” true and honest exchange of human experience..which is not, based on what”Sex” you are. Connection is based on open mindedness and compassion/empathy.

[suzsiz]

I have found it challenging to be friends with guys as it has become emotional labor because guys are so starved emotionally because of lack of proper human connection with other guys. Due to social stigma and culture. Sad. Its overburdening women and it becomes a codependant relationship.. ( sorry for my bad English)

[julia.no.X]

There's always been sexual interest when men wanted to spend time with me. If I wanted to be just a friend with men, they never had time for me. Even if we had common interests and could have a good time together.

Edit: Things have changed in the past year and a half, I don't know if it's been pushed into using the Internet more for interaction, I hadn't used SM at all before, but I now have male friends, who are 'just' friends, and it means a lot. The funny thing is that one of them thought that it was I who was romantically attracted to him and that would've been a problem. So I am glad to report that I have friendships with members of the opposite sex.

[illuminata]

I grew up in a culture and religion where it's considered almost a sin for a man and a woman to hangout alone as friends unless they're married. In school and college I used to get very nervous when a guy tried talking to me . One time my mom saw my neighbor, a guy, trying to talk to me outside our home .. She yelled at me and slapped me across my face so hard, It felt like I literally lost my ear

[urlauber]

Holy shit, why doesn't this video have more views? It felt like you were speaking out of my mind in the beginning. And the second part of the video was so clear and understandable, I never heard these complex topics laid out so concise.

[Progressivelyyou]

I so relate to becoming friends with a guy, us being vulnerable and open, and then him interpreting this closeness as being romantic, whereas I see it as the way I am with any other friend. This is probably exactly why women often, from the get go, categorize men as having sexual/romantic intentions, because it so often becomes that when the walls come down and both parties become very open with one another. We learn, with time, that it is almost impossible. Which sucks. Because i LOVE men. I wish I'd have more guy friends. They bring different perspectives, ways of reacting to events, views. But... shit always hits the fan 🤷‍♀️ Sigh...

[VanessaRuinzi]

Yes. One of my best friends was a guy. He said he'd been seeing a neurologist because he started having seizures out of the blue, and it scared him. They didn't figure things out in time, and sadly he died in his sleep only in his his early 30's. I miss him so much. Never had any romantic interest in each other, which always confused the women in his life "you've never even kissed!?" No dude, we are not like that. It was like he was my brother or even my dad in a past life lol our birthdays were only days apart but he was 2 years older. I could always trust him and we could talk about any and everything. Always gave me great advice, and looked out for me. Also loved his pets and spoiled them so. A handyman, a builder, a very peaceful, patient and wise soul that was good to everyone - even people who were assholes to him. I'd get pissed for him and tell the people off lol I'd ask "how are YOU not mad?" And he'd say "I think of it as they did me a favor by showing their true colors, and they're not worth the fuss so I turn the other cheek." He loved life and had a quiet confidence that people gravitated towards. He was just too good for this world. Love you, Tex!!!

[DexTheMenace]

I am an INFJ man and basically everything you said resonates with me, from the homophobia, being on the female side in some readings about relationships, and masculinity, I definitly think we had different upbringings and it shows. Growing up I had a very tough father who taught me to be alot more cold to the people I am close to while my mother was the complete opposite. So I was definitely torn in the middle and confused on how I should feel. Making me see the differences and think about "how I should feel" in every relationship I have. I do find myself trying to pull emotions out of people rather than them pull them out of me, some other things that's some people could consider manipulative and learned this definitly isnt the best and decided to hold myself back from doing these things. not too sure what you said about some illness, I'll have to watch more of your videos.

[americanexpat]

Billy Crystal explained this succinctly in the famous movie, “When Harry Met Sally”. Men view sex as a pleasurable activity, so they can have sex with many different partners and it doesn't have to involve emotional commitment. Of course, it’s always better if there is some connection, but for guys that’s not necessary. On the other hand, women view sex as an expression of love due to oxytocin.

[donnastichert]

The idealist in me wants to say 'yes, ' men and women can and should be able to be just friends...But, of course, life in reality is much more complicated and nuanced than that...Good friends of either sex are hard to find...

[mrthetiger]

Hello Clay, I wanted to thank you for the content you make. I am young and asking myself tons of questions, your videos are really helping me answer them and are helping me to truly understand myself. It seems like you've already lived through what I'm living through and hearing what you've learned really helps me progress faster in my quest of understanding and improving myself.

[hilaparker]

In Ethiopia men walk hand by hand
As a symbol of their friendship and love for each other

[tobillion]

Hey Clay, awesome topic to discus. Regarding your question on infj feeling like they relate to the women in the study. I find myself relating to women more just like you. I'm a straight male but have only 3 close guys friends everyone else is a women. Guys seem boring to me. I still to this day find it wild that there is someone out there that is exactly like me, even if we have had different upbringings. You are almost like a mentor to me at this point since you are a couple years older.

[serban]

Let me help you out Clay. INFJ 26M
1 - Do I resonate more with women struggles? Yes and no. I never get approached by women, but I want a deep long term connection(I guess that's called a woman struggle?) I don't know actually, never thought about it. Let's go with no, hehe..
2- I don't want to appear gay? Yes, in the past I was afraid to be myself because people called me gay, soft or a pus***. Not anymore, people know I am sensitive, feminine and whatever and they still think I'm gay or bisexual. I've overcome the fear of judgement regarding my sexual orientation. Keep in mind, I've never doubted my sexuality no matter how much I juggle feminine and masculine within me. Never. Nada
3- Yes, because of my 6feet and muscly figure and "intimidating(their words) I am expected to be the typical man, not open up, be tough and bla bla
4- I think because I've always tried to fit in, I've developed a lot of my masculine side and ignored the feminine one and meditation helped overcome this and obv realise it
5- I've always felt attracted to very feminine women, I'm not sure yet is because I lack in it or it relaxes the feminine side in me so I can be more masculine and therefore feel better?
6- Can women and men just be friends? As much as I would like to say YES, from my experience is a clear NO, but IT DEPENDS, lol. I'll go with NO. That doesn't make it true. It's my experience within my level of awareness.
I've tried to keep it as short as possible because duuude there so much more to say, but here we go, I hope it helps.

[bluntweirdo]

the men in my life, my friends, have done more for me emotionally than my male family members or exes. Because of their caring and love, with no expectations of romance or sex, I can actually recognize emotionally stable men. I think friendships are really important between men and women.