Can Men and Women Be Just Friends? | The Science of Love

Is it actually possible? What if there's some attraction there? Have you ever found yourself trapped in the, "friend zone?" This week on The Science of Love we're investigating attraction in friendships - talking to real friends to find out how and if you can actually make it work.

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Created by: Mike Bernstein and Matt Pittman

Director: Mike Bernstein
Producer: Matt Pittman
Host: Julian Huguet

Cinematographer: Yuki Noguchi
Production Designer: Flower Cole

Editor: David Sommer
Production Manager: William Cubbon
Production Coordinator: Rebecca Ma
Production Support: Daniel Herzog
Production Support: Ben Taylor
Production Support: Joseph Waggoner

1st AC | DIT: Loie Russell-Templeton
Gaffer | Cam Op: Andrew Finch
G&E Swing | Cam Op: Richard Card
Key Grip: Ryan Walton
Art Director: Tricia Robertson
Set Decorator: Marcy Silver
Makeup: Taylor Tompkins
On Set Sound Mixer: Ben Adams
VFX & Title Sequence: Cameron Clark
Post Sound Designer & Mixer: Matt Schwartz
Colorist: Trevor Durtschi

Featured Participants: Sherry Edwards, Jill Schrack, Alex Plaisance, Catherine Urbanek, Parker Marshall, Jared Delgado, Jennifer Bacon, Jessie Kahnweiler

Music:

Finding a Leaf in Your Girlfriend's Hair - Lullatone - Soundtracks for Everyday Adventures

All the Optimism of Early January - Lullatone - While Winter Whispers

Time Strain 7 - Rannar Sillard - Epidemic Sound

Adventure Music for Migrating Birds - Lullatone - Falling for Autumn

The Biggest Pile of Leaves You Have Ever Seen - Lullatone - Falling for Autumn

A Little Song About Snowdrops - Lullatone - While Winter Whispers

Here Comes Sweater Weather - Lullatone - Falling for Autumn

Look Up! There is a Perfect Gradient in the Top of That Tree - Lullatone - Falling for Autumn

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How do students react when high school boys are treated like women in Congress?? CLICK HERE to find out!
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[gmx]

The truth is, in 90% of male-female friendships, one person secretly wants more.

[filmdude]

7:00 homie had his entire world shattered right in front of him RIP bald man

[tyleraustenfeld]

Hey SoulPancake, I'm an English teacher and I just wanted to let you know that all these videos work excellent when teaching English as second language, they provoke though and conversation and they are a great way to create organic dialogue. Thanks for all the hard work. 

[deathdog]

Bald haired white guy looked mad at everything the girl said. FRIEND ZONE!!! He mad

[whatthehell]

the guy with the shaved head looks like he is interested in her romantically... You can see how nervous he acts. How he looks and watches her, then looks away again. Kinda losing his words or talking more shaky and quite... Look at the other friendship pairs: When one of them talks the other one is watching and listening and you can see the friendship level - equality in every way. But when you're in love, desperately, you often feel not good enough and you are very careful what you do, say and how you act etc. It's totally clear to see. I'm excited how this experiment ends. Still watching the vid.

[elchucapablas]

Alcohol will get the true feelings going

[ZeroSumJ]

All these people are just describing what makes a successful marriage.

[BrothaontheGo]

I am dying!!! "I love that I don't want to have sex with you. I wake up everyday and I'm like thank God I don't wanna have sex with you." I had to watch his reaction several times... I am an awful person.

[KenzuGaming]

Q: Can and Women be just Friends?
A: Yes, if one of them is married, or they are not each others type.

[barrybarry]

7:15 homie looks like he wants to say "YES" with all his might hahahahaha, but hes holding it back. 

[filteredcreativity]

Friendship is more special than romance. 

[Omskanielar]

If there's no (sexual) attraction, no spark, no "butterflies", but you still get along with a person veeery well, trust them etc, isn't that friendship? (We're talking about new relationships, if there's no attraction, no love, then you should end it...) And since it can become really hard to almost impossible to be (sexually) attracted to everyone, it's very good that there is something like friendship.

[realtorforlouisiana]

after watching this and hearing them compare platonic connections to romantic ones... I had to ask: why not change the way we approach relationships? Why do we have to act so serious about it? Why not just relax and have fun wtih a partner and when talking about the day, a struggle, or sharing whatever, just CHILL and see each other as a parnter and team mate for life

[iBeFloe]

I think the bald man is friendzoned because he looked very distraught from what his "friend" said lol

[TheParabola]

The simple answer to this is "No, not if either one finds the other romantically or physically attractive". Yes, a mature person can keep their feelings in check and not violate that "friend zone" boundary for the sake of not alienating the other person, but as long as there is attraction on one side then the person feeling the attraction will always have romantic motives in the back of their mind. And, if the other person begins dating someone there will always be feelings other than "I'm happy for them". If you disagree with this you are lying to yourself, really. The best romantic relationships are the ones based on friendships that blossom into more.

[emmay]

Honestly, I feel that with age you get different views on friendship too. When you're younger and you're friends with people of the opposite sex I'm sure it's just because you have fun together and get along. I don't focus on gender or the sexual preferences of my friends, I focus on them and their personality and how much fun we have together.

[halfofakitty]

How the frick is having sex and needing emotional support from the other person NOT a romantic relationship?!

[Nikhiyang]

as someone who let my attraction to my close guy friend ruin our friendship, this was beautiful to watch. it just sucks that it took losing him to figure what everyone in this video knows.

[litgnm]

6:58 ouch. ouch ouch. I think the thought is fine for friends, but the way she just said it seems a little intense.

[Syd_]

The funny thing is that these folks are building a foundation for what a good marriage should be anyway… the reason I think we see so many friendships between men and women is because the dating world really has gotten insane and our culture has lost the understanding of what a good relationship in marriage is and what dating really is for in the first place. It’s become all about physical attraction and chemistry which really is just chemicals in your brain that often cloud your judgment and ability to see the other person clearly.

Back in the day men and women used to court and slowly built a foundation without the messiness of sex. It’s probably contributed to higher success in marriages in the past whereas now, everyone is chasing a feeling and as soon as the feeling runs out they split. Love isn’t a feeling. All the philosophers and even psychologists call this Eros. It’s basically lust. Your desire for the person becomes intoxicating Bc of biology and just our human need to bond. It’s not a bad thing but basing a relationship solely on this is a train wreck waiting to happen.

Eventually someone “falls out of love” and maybe that person showed their true colors finally and you don’t like what you see anymore. And since there’s no real foundation built, you through them out like they’re dispensable since they aren’t meeting YOUR needs anymore.

Love is sacrifice. It’s a choice. Think of friendships you have where no matter what, no matter the arguments you have, you come back and choose to stay. Because you value them so much. This IS the foundation for a good and successful marriage.

I’ve met so many grandparents who’ve been marriage for 50+ years who say they are eachothers best friends. The love changed from electric chemistry, to a deep abiding love that lasts through the storms.

You will lose physical attraction, guaranteed. Or at the very least, this person will change in your eyes and you will have to go back to the foundation, remembering that no matter what, you’ve got eachothers back and value eachother more than yourself.

Our culture doesn’t cultivate an environment for marriage/family anymore. It’s all just “what can I GET from this situation”. And the throwing away of a realistic view of relationships in lieu of a romcom fantasy has been to our detriment as a society.

60% of marriage ends in divorce. Even higher those who live together before marriage. People are more unhappy with relationships, cheating is a norm, people are limping from relationships to relationships with broken hearts from the past one. The facts don’t lie.

Time to do better in preserving what has worked in the past instead of trying to pave a new way that clearly isn’t working. Modern dating doesn’t work for the thriving and flourishing of society.