When Venting Turns into Trauma Dumping

When you’re close to someone, it’s natural to talk to them about your frustrations and vent about what’s going wrong. However, sometimes normal venting turns into trauma dumping, which can strain the strongest of friendships. This video focuses on trauma dumping, which is an unsolicited barrage of traumatic feelings, thoughts, and experiences onto another person who isn’t prepared for it.

Mary Jo Rapini, MEd, LPC is a psychotherapist, specializing in intimacy, parenting, body image, and relationships.

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[MsKeiaDaBaddest]

My mom does this and I really hate it because she keeps relieving those same feelings and emotions. I agree completely that the receiver in most cases feels overwhelmed after the conversation.

[christinegrundy]

Im 37 and just learnt today I trauma dump on my friends and family. When I offload I feel guilty and bad afterwards for the other person, but do it again when another drama in my life happens It now makes sense. I also have cptsd.

[mjrussell]

I realize now that I have done some healing from life’s nonsense that I have been a trauma dumper in various people in the past. It’s like you just want to be heard so you dump. Thankfully I did seek out therapy and have done my own personal work to forgive and let go, but my poor sister isn’t at that stage yet. I seem to be the only person she can talk to as she has no real friends as she has managed to alienate almost everyone with her erratic behaviours. She’s been dumping her trauma on me more and more lately, even blaming me for some of her problems. We can start off having an okay conversation - I know now I have to avoid many many many triggering subjects and words - but still she can erupt in negativity. It just drains me and is exhausting. Even if I had a good day up to that point, I can’t seem to fight it off. I try to tell her to take the anger out of her voice if she wants to vent, but she lacks self control. That has been an issue for her her whole life. I do know now not to offer any kind of advice as you are right, she doesn’t want to hear that, and besides is so obstinant, she refuses to try something new anyhow.

[sams_adventure]

As a trauma dumper that does actively try to reel themselves in, the most usual reason I’ve found myself doing it early on or at dinner tables is to explain mannerisms or behaviours due to trauma that not necessarily excuse it but try to offer a better understanding of me from the get go as heavy trauma is too much for some people but comfortingly relatable to others.
Just trying to rebut the point made at 1:45 or so, it’s not wanting the floor or just wanting to dump.

[Mashiris]

My sister keeps trauma dumping to me and it's exhausting I want her to stop but every time I try to ask her to stop I end up being the bad one.

[k.c.sunshine]

This video is a good description and clarification. Note that an extension of venting and trauma dumping is when it is used with narcissistic tactics that try to make the listener responsible for their emotions. For example, I've experienced gas-lighting and projection with a person that dumped upon me in my past. My advice is to *quietly* *run* (leave the relationship if possible) when you detect cognitive dissonance with a dumper; also, I recommend that the listener calmly disconnecting from taking responsibility for the dumper's emotional manipulations.

[Toastcat]

This is why I have no problem with people self isolating we want them to keep certain things to themselves and to heal on their own if that means taking break from heavy human interaction then so be it sometimes you need to be alone to get your shit together.

[rainbowwwkim]

To people saying that it's ok sometimes, the keyword here is consent. If they are a stranger or you don't know them very well then probably just assume it's a no. You don't know if you may be triggering their own ptsd and you can end up causing someone a lot of distress. It's ok to share, but check in for consent first.

[iamgoddessoflove]

Setting boundaries is so important and healthy, as it sets the tone of our friendships and relationships.
💙YouTuber That Helps People Overcome Toxic Relationships

[Jessica_Jessica_Jessica]

How do I kindly get out of a situation when someone just dumps trauma on me?

[thatguy]

My girlfriend keeps trauma dumping me every time we see each other and it’s the same story.. I love her lots but I just don’t care anymore.. and her mental health is starting to weigh on me every time I see her in her therapist and I have to deal with her crying her eyes out.. I can’t even have her out in public for more then half a hour

[garden_dork]

I want to be empathic but I just don't care and I feel I should have no shame in saying that as bluntly as I want.

[Jazsway]

Trauma dumping is real. And I feel for those people who have had the awkward experience of being near a dumper; however, I believe personally the problem goes much deeper. I'm not sure where you are from but we're living in societies that gets uncomfortable at the slightest signs of "trauma dumping". Yes, much trauma counseling is not in the tool set of an average citizen and specialists are needed. But in my humble opinion from witnessing my child die from a traumatic experience, it may be just as important for communities to show basic compassion and empathy. Maybe the trauma dumping escalates due to a society that has lost it's soul and it's been replaced by naivety in believing the narcissists and a pervasive involvement with oneself. I have been outside this type of society, and into one in which, thinks the idea of having to send people to therapy at the first sign of trauma dumping is ridiculous and I've seen how empathic societies work. One personal example is after I had to move from my culture due to my own recognition that I wasn't accepted after my child's death, maybe due to my own form of trauma dumping or stigma due to how my child died. I learned that maybe I was less of the problem than I had thought. When I asked in my new town for the name and number of a therapist, the man answered, we don't have them here except for extreme cases. The town knows you and for now, nobody here has seen in the slightest that you're an extreme case. And I had done the same supposed "trauma dumping". He went on to say, you've been here awhile people know you already and welcome to your new community where we are each other's counselors. And they walked the talk. Result- my trauma is still with me but there's no need to trauma dump, I feel the basic empathy here and that was all I really needed. I needed to be near people who were not so frazzled easily by a person in pain. It is probably all that my daughter needed as well. I think some cultures have become so selfish and accepting of and easily fooled by narcissists that victim blaming can make it's way even to the therapists office and the places of worship. But still I think in many societies your points are valid and that you may be a fine therapist.


History to base the above comment.
As a trauma survivor myself, I made the difficult decision to go monk mode but decided to move to do it in a different place. I had learned for so long in my home culture that monk mode was right. It seemed the fair and right thing to do. I have walked over 10, 000 miles and mostly alone during the past five years. My daughter died of a traumatic grief experience. So this whole subject touches me more from different angles. I think, in many cases, the trauma dumper has become that way due to the lack of appropriate responses to begin with. It's a sad state if affairs. Many times a trauma survivor is surrounded by narcissists. They may go to a therapist who has been coached by these narcissists. As an ex-social worker and among many licensed counselors who are unaware of just how a smear campaign works etc, I understand why people give up the therapy hunt. I have seen supposed loved ones talk about how difficult a trauma survivor is, when in reality, the survivor is not. My daughter felt she had nowhere to turn except to me. But I was being stignatized too. The public has been told just how difficult so and so is. dumping and get retraumatized. They may have tried many route before they start the dumping. I believe that while think certain cultures are worse than others and while it easy to recognize inappropriate sharing of trauma experiences, it is

[mindy]

I think because I had many years of repressing, stuffing and being stifled I have a great need to express it. It has a lot of emotion and energy. But it doesn't really help and I need to find a better way.

[yangfaye]

how to find a therapist just like you? I'm living in China and not easy to find someone who can help me in the way I prefer....

[krystle]

I don't think it's all about finding an "expert" and you will get the help you need. Being a therapist doesn't automatically make someone able to understand, therapists are people with their own limitations and issues like everyone else. There can be many reasons why someone might not be able to find a good therapist. I think it's normal for people going through a difficult time to occasionally overshare, how uncomfortable that is I think varies for every person. If someone is very uncomfortable with it I think it's a part of healthy boundaries to be able to communicate that discomfort to the person who is oversharing.

[McD-jr]

Avoidant attachment styles will label a person “trauma dumper” to not lead up to emotions. A narcissist as well bc they don’t have empathy.
Certain MBTI types like small talk, as much as other types like deep logic conversations - and other types like emotional deep intimacy.

[nobodyimportant]

I wanna add something very important.

These cases aren't always going to be a perfect combination of the person being a stranger, the person not listening to advice, and the person being repetitive. It can be only 1 or 2 of those and still be self destructive behavior.

But that said, telling people to just assume ANY and ALL confessions of trauma mean that the person confessing won't listen to you is borderline malpractice. It's wretched advice.

And no you are NOT "the victim" because you eavesdropped on some people at the grocery store. Act like an adult.

[HealingMusiciansLaunchcast]

I should’ve married a therapist - then she’d be accountable to her own knowledge 😂