Autism Gaslighting - Dating A Neurotypical Series

Welcome to the 1st episode in the 'Dating A Neurotypical' series - built for Autistic adults from an Autistic adult.

This episode, we are addressing a common manipulative strategy that some narcissistic individuals may use on you - Autistic gaslighting; as well as looking at why we are vulnerable to this gaslighting, and methods to overcome this toxic behavior.

Expect to learn the ins and outs of Autism relationships and how to navigate them as a neurodivergent individual!

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬

♫ THOUGHTY AUTI PODCAST -

FOLLOW ME On Social Media ♥ - @thomashenley
☼ Facebook - Thomas Henley
☼ Twitter - @thomashenleyUK
☼ Instagram - @thomashenley

[corsai]

Gaslighting is common in the autism community itself, the $50 cent expert imposing their views on the quite Auty, seen it many times

[Susan-nmsx]

Thomas, my newly diagnosed husband gaslights me ALL the time! Manipulation is not just privy to one particular kind of person. He’s also thrown me under the bus more times than I can mention! Separation is now on the cards after 28 years of this, oh and let’s talk about the invalidating……have you got all day? 🖐🏻

[Magic_Toaster]

One person who would gaslight me all the time was my own sister, very much a narcissist, but since I was undiagnosed and until I was 34, I had no idea what was going on. Finally after both my parents passed away about 3 years ago, I was able to cut her out of my life and I've got much less stress in my life. Thankfully I've got another sister who's supportive and amazing, along with my older brother who is also the best as they both helped me to separate from her since she could just come to my house and talk her way into my life, basically wanting me to take care of her so she can have a cushy life and I'd have to deal with all her problems that only seemed to hurt me. Having people you can rely on to not lie to you and actually tell you how things are in the NT world is what every autistic person needs in their life.

[unlokia]

My Mother who is a very very kind and loving, selfless person, has gaslit me for decades. Maybe unintentionally (I believe), but she still does it and I’m in my late 40s.

I have Asperger’s. She knows it. Doesn’t understand how mind-meltingly toxic that is, nor does she in any way acknowledge she does it (because she can’t recognise it in herself)


That, coupled with endless guilt trips (my brother does it too, they’re VERY much alike) makes me discount the majority of what they say. I don’t ENJOY that, but my time apart from them is utterly blissful.

[KarenDUlrich]

My biggest gaslighting problem was a former friend. Twenty years we were friends and I had no idea she was gaslighting and manipulating me to cover my ex husbands affairs.

[kendalgroner]

Thank you so much for producing this content. I've been dealing with a lot of "imposter syndrome" and actually gaslighting myself after years of invalidation and trauma. It's such a relief to find channels like yours where I can connect with shared experiences of other autistics. I look forward to watching more of your videos!

[carajeronimo]

My 17 year old autistic daughter is dating a very toxic and abusive guy. She does not understand this and I am having very hard time with this. He has now started telling her lies about us parents to keep her more with him. For example one lie he told her was I as her mother touch him inappropriately. She met the worst guy she could possibly meet. He’s a narcissistic sociopath I believe.

[Groundwater]

I’m glad you have signposted people to Dr Ramani, Thomas. There seems to be a concerted effort by some (and the y t bots) to guide people looking for answers, away from her excellent material. There are some in these comments along with the bot likes to these comments.

They seem to be more prevalent in videos in which her name is referenced.

[ulquiorraisawesome]

My autistic bf gaslights me all the effing time talking about direct and indirect conversation within a conversation, like dude what!?!

[unlokia]

PS: dude, I know there’s not a go-to cheat sheet of “autistic traits” but I’d NEVER EVER think you had autism, just as many are shocked if and when I tell them. God bless you brother. ❤Matt, Northamptonshire

[lisbethbird]

People on the spectrum can gaslight too. I know for fact. They can have all the dark traits just as much as neurotypical people.

[JoannaSternbergYoutube]

THANK YOU SO MUCH I NEEDED THIS EXACT VIDEO AT THIS EXACT

[stevemcgee]

I’ve been in a serious of relationships with narcissists, a couple were romantic but mostly work. Only recently learned about it and see it for what it was.

[Joshdifferent]

This is so true as someone who just got out of a relationship with a narcissist. 5 years

[unlokia]

Wait… <Googles “Grey rocking”> … ah! Okay. Sounds very much like stonewalling to me, something I have developed and have done for many years now, with absolutely ZERO caving in, with certain people and behaviours. I’ve handled one abusive family member by HARD BLOCKING them completely on all comms channels - worked a treat and it turned out in the end the issue WAS them as suspected - I’m a very tenacious stonewaller for the couple of family members I’ve sadly had to build this tactic up for.

You LITERALLY may as well be talking to a rock if I know you’re abusing me or have an agenda and trying to “talk me around” - I have a thousand mile bullshit detector, being an ex minor criminal many years ago and being brought up in a family of EXTREMELY talkative people who are drama queens.

[djpatt]

I often get manipulated as deluded or often got things wrong no wonder it’s difficult for to be confident as being autistic. It’s annoying because being autistic doesn’t mean we always thinking things wrong we actually can get things right just as well as anyone else it can sometimes appear very concrete or very overwhelming honestly towards a person who don’t have autism and also it be can be approached intensive keenness none autistic can mistakes that as narcissistic traits because it’s seem aggressive. None autistic might find that we like parrot repetitive speech which can cause none autistic to give a cold shoulder and shunning us. It’s difficult dealing with sensitive society and often autistic people experienced at least one narcissistic person abuse which no one should suffer by narcissistic behavior of another because they don’t understand and not excepting autism beings

[smicketysmoo]

Great vid and sensitively handled. A tricky topic for us to get our heads around.
Talking of getting my head around stuff - can you oil the chair, or something. The creaking makes me jump whilst trying to listen to you. Sorry, don't mean to complain. Enjoy your work and find it very helpful.

[psychedlicsouljam]

:'( im hzving z 8 year break up because of this. he wont let me break up with him he gaslights me every chance h gets im made fun of im in the worse place finacially and mentally unstable i have bipolar mood disorder with psychosis, slow processing memory, learning disorder in maths, dyslexic, and adhd. they wont really tell me what i ned to focus on recently psycs are dropping patients for this 3 appointment thing in place issue is u have to rebook every 3 appointments that can take 6 months, i was crying about that and he told me f__ckin sick of Mentsl health stuff, ofmeds not working, sick of my crying sick of me. straight up said that then said he was scared t to talked to ME cause im so emotional, how wouldnt i be emotional> i beome so submissive and i lost myself, they only use me 1 - 2 times a month, after 8 years, its down to once a month visits. im ppushing 30 hes alreay 30 wealthy at home doesnt pay rent car parments done by mom and dad everything is, food, everything clothes shopping, and i got in a fight with him cause i drank and it went bad with my medication he had to take me home. that was a 1 and a year ago and he still uses it against me. i think hes just straight up using me and justifying his behavior cause i "hurt him in the past"
just occured to me that he feels regret towards me more than anything else. exokain

[flashingturtle]

Just beginning to realise I was gaslighted through most of my 20s

[ziggypip]

My ASD partner gaslights me literally denies what I physically see in front of me 😢