Dealing With 'Difficult' Parents

What makes a parent difficult to deal with ? Are difficult parents really difficult, or are they challenging? Is there a difference? I discuss the three types of "difficult" parents I have encountered over the years and how I choose to deal with them.

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[SernaAhlen]

This last year I had a difficult parent (major aggressive) that I've worked with in the last three years.  I taught her son in 1st grade, 2nd grade summer school, and again in 3rd.  This parent is so aggressive I did not relish meeting/visiting with her.  Long story short, her son needs sped. services and she has blocked everything the school/teachers try to do to help her son.  This past year she took advantage of our open door policy on several occasions.  Near the end of the school year she pulled me aside to talk: I just thought, "oh, boy.  What did I do this time?"  She wanted to know if I was coming back (the school is having a lot of problems - there's the possibility of it closing).  She told me the school couldn't afford to lose me AND she thanked me for teaching her son.  What? This is a woman who I felt for sure she hated me and the school.  Treating all parents with common courtesy and respect can  lead to good things.  Now, if I can help her to be respectful towards other staff members, hhmmm.

[alexandrademartini]

Teaching preschool, I've always found interacting with parents the most challenging aspect of my job and I'm curious how the transition will go as I start in elementary school. I think your advice of always being open to challenging parents is the way to go. I also try to remind myself how hard it must be to drop your child off at school and put their care/education in the hands of others. Great advice.

[PatriciaBreech]

GREAT TIPS!! I could see you being an amazing administrator. Have an incredible 2018-19 school year!

[aliciamebane]

I agree 100% with the advice you gave. I've practiced each suggestion that you recommended during my 17 years as an educator. While there have been years where I've had a challenging parent or 2, by the end of the year I've always managed to get them to see that my intentions are sincere, and my actions justified. They seem to understand that we're a team that's working towards the betterment of their child.

[DJ-qrwk]

Such great advice! I'd combine both the "worrier" and "helicopter" parents together lol! To me, another category of challenging parents is "not involved". The type of parents that do not respond to communication and that often aren't involved at all.

[DarinNakakihara]

Great advice! It is absolutely part of our job and your advice about being proactive and empathetic is on point. We will all have to deal with parents who do not embrace our awesomeness:) ahahaha... Have you read Teach Like Finland? They have an interesting way of dealing with this subject.

[fabulousfirsties]

With emailing, some parents have “email muscles” and say things via email that they would never say in person! I would also say the uninvolved parent is a difficult parent in that they are of no help to their child, and everything falls on you.

[beigelover]

im a first year 3rd grade teacher and this is so accurate. i've made quite a few mistakes dealing with parents in my efforts to please them but one thing I learnt for next academic year is TO BE FIRM, do my job well and just be compassionate because at the wnd of the day we have the same goal: to ensure the child succeeds.

[sdelliott]

Well done! Love the confidence but willingness to hear parents out.

[sped-tasticyellow-owlschoo]

Great tips! I definitely have to remind myself to stay calm and be as transparent as possible. I also keep my administrator in the loop and often CC them emails

[laurenmelanson]

Thank you! I needed this today. You are amazing. ❤️❤️🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

[tracy_in_primary]

I have had all three types of parents. The helicopter parent doesn't bother me one bit. I have a parent or two who help in the class, or they offer to come on camps and excursions and I willingly accept their offers of help. Often when they're in the classroom for a lesson here or there they get to see what's going on and that answers a lot of questions.
The aggressive and worry parents are a whole other story. Thanks for sharing your wisdom and suggestions.

[TeacherInspirationStation]

Oh wow! Excellent advice. I agree with you on the emails; the tone could be misinterpreted. I hardly respond by email-I just call because of the fact it could be taken the wrong way. One thing we have to remember as teachers is to be professional. It’s easy to give attitude if the parent is giving attitude but just remain professional while standing your ground. Great tips!!! I’m going to have to add this video to my “favourites”. ☺️👍🏾

[deborahpaul]

Thanks for the tips. Last year I had a major aggressive parent. Nothing worked with her.

[KateTheSleepyTeacher]

This video is spot on. New teachers tend to struggle with parents so this will be so helpful. I think that you need to be confident in your actions and always be able to back up your actions with data. I also think it is important to build relationships with them as well. When parents feel they have a connection with you they tend to be more willing to work towards something not against it.

[theteachinglifestyle]

Excellent points all around. I've had some lucky years with no issues, and years where I had many issues. But I agree with reaching out and keeping principals abreast of communications.

[YTMe]

Words of wisdom! You are so right in your approach. I had a good laugh when you were speaking of venting with another teacher. I've done that and been the recipient of that from co-teachers on many a day! Coming at parents with an adversarial, oppositional stand never works out well. The educational field is similar to customer service, "The customer (parent) is always right" even when he or she is as wrong at two left shoes :-) You have to work out a way to get them, if not on your side, at least backed down from the constant "battle royale". It's best to make an ally out of them, than an enemy. It's been my experience that rarely do you have that a parent that needs direct firm intervention from the principal or the guidance counselor. Most can be reasonably worked with throughout the school year.

[GlitterandJams]

You have given so many good steps to follow to build a cordial relationship with parents. It is SO important to remember that parents generally think they are doing what is right and best for their child. Sometimes parents don't understand that their student is one of many and we DO our best to GIVE our best to each student as an individual as much as humanly possible. Thankfully, the aggressive parents don't appear too terribly often because they can put a black cloud over your school life.

You are right about it being our responsibility as teachers to accommodate meeting requests from parents within reason. Sometimes parents just need reassurance that their child is okay. Parents worry and are looking to us as the educational experts to know how to best help their child.

You are also right to bring in Admin. if it seems that a situation is escalating. You definitely want to be proactive and get ahead of potential serious issues. I have given my P a heads up when I've felt that a parent is upset over something and may call them about it later so that the P is not blindsided.

It's always best to RESPOND and not REACT to people. We are the professionals here and are expected to act accordingly. Going to talk to a trusted colleague/friend is THE best thing you can do BEFORE you respond to a negative email. It's so easy to become upset and want to spout something off that will definitely be regretted later. I have done this several times in the past and it always cools me down and allows another, more impartial observer to be the voice of reason. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you vent. LOL!

GREAT and helpful video! Thank you for sharing your experiences with us!

Love and hugs, LaTawnya!

[jeanieandersoncarpenter]

This was so well stated and articulated. I feel like you should talk to teacher education programs and share this wisdom. You're so right about the email. I actually limit mine to 2: their initial email and my response asking when they'd like to meet. I know my own weaknesses. I know that I might take things far too personally and I need to see this person face-to-face when the temptation to be snarky is not there.

[Dede_]

Tonya this is an Awesome reminder....you should do a teacher workshop especially for new teachers..